Azam~Live Life To The Fullest

Born to travel around the globe

2010-05-29T11:51:00.006+08:00

Perhaps, the interest to travel is developed by my upbringing for having kaki jalan parents. Perhaps, it is already within me but whichever the cause I am very much delighted to have such high interest in travelling around the globe.

Long journey but so far, I am still in the category of domestic traveler but of course the experience ones. I dare to say that I have covered the whole Peninsular of Malaysia especially the tourism area. Although the places change from time to time, the evolvement does not alienate my memory.

People say ‘jauh perjalanan, luas pemandangan’ and I could not disagree with that. You see thousands of landscapes, flora and fauna as well as human characters. It makes you learn to observe, think and decide and that makes you a wiser person. Prof Nasa once said to me “ a good doctor is a good observant”.

It has been a few years since I expressed my intention to travel abroad. I was aiming to travel around Europe upon the completion of medical course and I thought it was for sure after the fund has confirmed its status earlier. Unfortunately, I overlooked the weather! If I were to do Europe tour in November, I will only double up the energy use which will make my journey a boring and tiring one with little fun in it. That indirectly means I am swayed away from the objective of travelling. I had already recognized some potential pit stops with my business friends, James and Nani. We planned to touch down in Manchester and depart home from Amsterdam but what is the purpose to walk around when many places are closed in that month?

The plan may have been scraped off but thankfully, we had a list of destinations. We are now seems likely to be grabbing the second option on paper which is at the other end of the initial destination. It will be summer in New Zealand. The Mother Nature is promising although it is always better to think for the worse than to imagine the beautiful ones which will only disappoint you at the end. My brother had lived there for a year and it sounds a great place to soothe the mind before coming into the working life. Hopefully, I will not have problem to realize it and anyone who wants to join us, do buzz me privately :) The more the merrier but of course, not the whole bus lar.

Trouble is a friend

2010-03-24T00:56:00.007+08:00

Trouble he will find you, no matter where you go, oh oh
No matter if you're fast, no matter if you're slow, oh oh
says Lenka.

After months fighting my own emotion, I am finally there, for sure. Personal re-assessment has confirmed that. The validity of my say is no longer questionable. However, I am quite unfortunate or could also be fortunate for the past few weeks. That’s the dilemma I am having now.

Things happened for a reason and it is inevitable as far as I am concern. The day I decided to sit back and to only jump into action when require is benefitting me tremendously. I am kind of enjoying the ride. It was a little bumpy though but that makes the show interesting!

Anyway, the current situation is a bit complicated. Ah, it was complicated too before this. Ok, less complicated to me but looks more complicated to the audience? Hehe. Al-kisah, it did not happen because of me. The two jerks had a story of their own. Ops! (I am not going to pull it back). The more mature party did come to me for consultation of their crisis but my reply was “Tau pun buat2 tak tau sudah”. The message is clear that is I am not interested to hear about it and so let it remains as it is.

Having fit and suits the new clan of my own, giving me no problem at all to deal with many issues. Yeah! But when brotherhood of two broken, that leaves both party seeking for companions. The immature one was fortunate that there was actually someone of different gender who was ‘looking’. Nah, no comment on their love story. So, what happen to the other one? It leaves me no option but to allow ‘new membership registration’ beyond the market date. *biarlah apa org nk buat kat kita, yg penting we do no revenge! sian jugak if tglkan dia sorang2.

The drama continues with me blaming no one for the never ending story. One thing for sure, I am not going to allow any seconds of my time to involve in their problem. My empty brain is trying to load the space with medical knowledge. Time is already running out and it means, no more emotional thingy! Time will decide when the story ends.

when 2 is better than 1

2010-02-13T02:24:00.009+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fg8nEmTx7EI
this is wat been playing in my mind now. Mom says that i shud get a doctor but i have been against it for many2 years. Perhaps, i shud juz listen to her. haih...now, the last two of my gud frens have got that some1 and i guess, i shud start hunting now huh??? or play first??? lol..c lah..after all, no money no talk :P n before i decide, i haf to think thoroughly or else, ill b sent down.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrOeGCJdZe4
but i have got to do it my way. yeah, my way! and so im telling myself...bla bla bla, bla bla bla...amy is perfect! hmm...shes too thin but physical isnt in d criteria :) ops! she has a guy! yeah she is. of cos she is! n tat is d rulz no1: not after sum1 who is attached either in reality or virtually..so, gota look for sum1 else...from 1989 is tempting but as long as between 1986-1990 will do :) but please, not june28 or else i'll end up having sum1 juz like me..hehe...its interesting if she plays tennis/netball when i play football/futsal, when she likes to be the passenger when i love to drive! but not totally disalligned..when i cook n she likes it too, when i never been serious n she is a joker too :) oh! too many ke??? alamak, perhaps my fren is rite, im undatetable fr d outside n inside :P lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fqvKfGCsL5A
stil loving tis song. i am soon gona be FREE!!! yeay!!! sem10, i am waiting for u!!!

ECONOMY

2010-02-07T14:34:00.004+08:00

Regardless of what solution I tried to come out with, I still could not abstain myself from reading business related articles. Weeks after weeks I have been trying to do it ‘cold turkey’ way but when it comes to holiday, I had to surrender myself and put the white flag up. Obviously, I am not in the period of time to favor my passion ahead of my responsibility. I usually have no problem listing up priorities in life and obey to the demand but this time round I was helpless, swayed by the strong wind that threw me off track. Although in the long run it benefits from various angles in terms of personal finance, I am not going to take any chance or possibility that may ruin my expected graduation day. It is like putting a knife on your throat. Since I had already started to read again, to start on economic fundamentals research, I would continue doing it but only during the break I needed while doing the medical revision.

A few weeks ago, James and I had run a coffee table talk with a few juniors on financial management to share our limited knowledge. It was a closed door discussion, so that we could monitor closely those present from time to time. Economy works on its own and it is not necessarily rely on facts. That is evidence by economy theories. Of course, the statistics data are facts but not what is coming ahead. We could expect micro and macrovascular complications in chronic diabetics but we could never determine the future of economy and stocks. That is the major difference between finance and science. It is as challenging as reaching a diagnosis of the patients’ illnesses.

However, theories, opinions of the expert, feng-shui and the money leaders are all influencing the coming days. When we want to involve in stocks, we should see it both domestically and globally. It is like a food-chain which you could not afford to overlook either condition for balance. In my personal view, I could not ask for a better time to make money other than now. Year 2020 is only 10 years down the road and many steps have been taken to realize previous administrator’s ambition which has also became ours. With NAJIB-nomics are giving some effects to the bumis which, has reduced some enjoyment felt during previous days, it is no reason for us to get angry. Indeed, we should ride with him and feel the peripheral aura just like how the Omaticaya connect themselves with EYWA.

The ruling government has promised a stronger GDP growth until 2020 for us to achieve ‘Developed country’ status. This has indirectly applied pressure to the opposition party if they get to rule. Therefore, regardless of who rules us, we should be able to have good economy growth in line. The people are already annoyed with the dirty politics and that means nothing is more important than the people’s pocket and their children’s education. I am definitely agrees we should be lead by good leaders but it is not our job to ‘punish’ people. One day, the truth will be unveiled. We are powerless if work as one but we are powerful if we take control of our own money.

Besides the NAJIB-nomics factor, the global economic meltdown is actually in favor to make more new multi-figures people. Cheap money is everywhere and benefits many opportunists. Slow growth in the US, Europe nations and Middle East Countries gave time for these people to grow and build cushion to prevent any negative impact that they may face while climbing up the stairs of success. I am expecting more millionaires and billionaires by year 2020 globally. K-economy is already the key factor in some countries and Malaysia is also doing fine while it concentrates to boost its agriculture sector.

This is just the beginning of making money years. We should find ways and do research on funds to multiply our figures. Money does not come easy and never be fooled with those theoretical impossible easy money of ridiculous schemes. Invest in trusted funds. The portfolio you have must not stick to only one. Have various to average any possibility of loss. Equity, commodity, property, bond, cash and a few other elements are important to avoid from acute myocardial infarct or cerebrovascular accident when a crash occur. Have confidence when you invest but do not be greedy as it will never favor you. Good luck.

roomates :)

2010-01-12T18:39:00.011+08:00

Roommates are as important as good friends. In fact they know you better than some of your good friends. The reason is simple; they live under the same roof that gives them no space to hide their true colors. Of course, there are things about him that you may not know but you cannot afford to neglect him. Somehow, you will get yourself connected with him. I have been changing roommates 5 times in 7 years. Actually, it is 4 times because one of those lived with me twice in different year. Perhaps, it is 3 times because the other one was only on temporary basis. Other than that, it was either I occupy the whole room alone or I stay at home getting the loves from my parents.

There were sweet as well as bad memories. However, if people ask me “will you want a roommate in the future?”, my answer will be “the only roommate I want is my wife”. This is simply due to my bad experience dealing with roommates. The first one who was also my best friend of 6 years had backstab me for women and power. The second one was a pair with different background, culture and sensitivity. The third one was super egoistic immature kid as well as weirdo I say. Out of those, I chose the second experience (see pics), the pair of almost completely different background as my best roommates. We were really like brothers. We never left either one behind for self sake.

On the issue of not so long time ago (of d prvious posts), I do not want to elaborate further as some people may perceive it wrongly. After all, this post was not the one which I wanted to publish so much. I was almost to reveal the unveiled scenario because a friend said before "nobody reads your blog" but i was suprised when some of them came to me and asked. Due to some re-re-reconsideration, I decided to swallow the bitter part and prevent any unwanted consequences. Again, I have moved on and have decided to leave for good. Ya, he and so called his brother have got on my nerve for quite some time but I care no more. I lose nothing. In fact they just lost a good friend in me.

2010

2010-01-12T18:22:00.002+08:00

I usually start the year with a boom! which is well translated into my writings. However, 2010 joyous feelings are slightly different. It is not unexplainable but just that I did not find the time to write. I just feel lazy and would rather spend the free time sleeping. Perhaps it was due to a few of unsettled things which took extra mile than I first thought. The prolonged events made me lethargic and even up to now, I am yet unsettled. Emotional issue has been put at the back for quite some time but the physical issue has made some other plans stagnant. Anyhow, I hope things will be okay this year with minimal problem in going through the obstacles that lies ahead. May my stamina remain good and the quality gets better.

Approaching new year

2009-12-11T01:30:00.004+08:00

Like previous year, I had a budget done before the new year commence. It is for me to monitor my monthly expenses. Of course, there will be unpredicted expenses as you go along but at least, the budget you set will prevent you from crossing the line excessively. It is something that I learn from my dad. The idea is to allow you to breathe comfortably, enjoying every second without hesitancy.

It is not something against the norm. Our country has its own budget every year to assure that the tax payers money is channeled back to the people for country’s development. You need to understand the flow of your money, your assets and liabilities and many other financial related issues. With that, you will be able to avoid from debt crisis. Remember? God doesn’t like His people to be in debt.

2010 is going to be my last year as a full time student. There will still be a room for me to cry. Tak-apa lah kalau terlebih spend, parents boleh settle. However, that is not the case for me. I prefer to manage my own financial, manage my own problem but to share happiness with them. It is just a preference and not a must for every matter. After a thorough check ups, this year’s budget has increased by 30% and that is a huge sum of money for non-shopping spree person. The global recession has not altered my income or affects me in a negative way but where did the additional money go? Worse still, there is no allocation for a girlfriend for two consecutive years. Am I a nut?

I am just being a realist as I am not attached to anyone to spend my time with. That makes me on a savvy side although practically I see myself as a loser for being single. But then again, it is my choice and it is okay as long as I do not disturb other people’s life. I am happy as I am but this cannot go on for long. There will be a time when I need a sweetheart besides me but for it to happen; the girl needs to convince me that she deserves a place as the special ones in my heart.

I have plans for the near future, for myself and for my brothers. Some of the ideas have been addressed, explained and jotted on papers but implementing action is still some way apart. One will be seen in the first half of 2010, a few will start in the second half and the remaining will be between 2011 and 2012. These are just plans and are subject to changes but I have to be optimistic about achieving it before I can start moving forward.

30% increase till August before it drops 10% in the next 2 months while November and December are put on the KIV list as these are post-exam months. It is an exceptional case. I probably may be away for refreshment in life before a hectic life begins and that requires some extraordinary amount of money. There will be less likely an additional investment for 2010 as I am truly on tight budget.The deficit for each quarter except the last ones is estimated to be not more than 20% of monthly expenses. If more, the deficit correction can only be done after I start to earn. I am not worried of any beyond borders expenses as they will still be compensable. That is why having a budget is far much better than writing down your daily or weekly expenses, which is confusing.

already GONE!

2009-11-13T19:07:00.005+08:00

Every starts will eventually ends,
No matter what have been done, how much were sacrificed,
Nothing will stop it from ending,
TIME decides when it takes place.

I do not know how to say it in my own words.
And there comes a song, played on air for many months.
I hope, it is enough to explain my frustration on you.
The song would have probably influenced my decision,
but it has also been the one that makes me stand firm.

If you ask me who to blame, i cannot answer.
But if you ask me why i decide, then i will say
'I am no longer interested to make myself like a fool'
I am sorry but I do not want to be hurt again & again.

Here, my heart is expressed through a song,
Beautiful song sings by a beautiful singer.
Take that deep into your heart,
Not meant to hurt but to tell you my decision.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high
Never would have worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road Someone's gotta go
And i want you to know You couldn't have loved me better
But i want you to move on So i'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But i know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect (housemate)
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that i love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I'm already gone I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone Already gone
There's no moving on So i'm already gone

I know that you will not find another,
because you already have that another.
I am sorry that I cannot fulfill your wish to have both,
but i have to make it clear, I am no number 2.

I have had enough tolerating,
it is now has reached the critical level,
and I could not bear the pressure.
Both knows, we are neither gay nor womeniser,
and I am going to miss our time together,
because you were my only elder brother.

Please...

2009-10-13T16:04:00.003+08:00

I do not know why I allow it to happen again. I do not understand why it keeps on coming to me. All I know is that I always become the victim of situations. People seek for me when they are half-drowned or when they have reached nowhere but a dead end in the highway. They say ‘you are great’. They say ‘you are a true friend’. They say ‘I should have not overlooked your kindnesses’. They say ‘I cannot go through it if it is not because of you’. They say tones of appreciation words to me when I gave them the hand they needed much but do they really mean what they say?

Someone has described me as a tough guy. How much tough? He sees me as tough as the titanium bar but I do not agree. Perhaps, it is just like a crab shell. Hard enough to protect myself from any climate changes and many enemies under the sea but it is by fact, still crack-able. Crab, a symbol to my zodiac means that I was not born tough. The toughness develops as I grow older and remember, it is the people like you that make it even tougher. Time after time people like you hurt me from the inside, slowly and that leaves me no option but to develop a tougher shell to go through these days. Have you not realized that there is limit in everything?

That is why I have no problem to axe anyone out from my life. It is not because I enjoy doing it but it is because of what you do to me. Compulsive, persistent and intolerable pressure on my shell. I will try to swallow the bitter part even when you do not notice it but I promise you, it will not be long. I have to take care of this wounded heart. I need some time off so that it will heal properly if it cannot be completely. Even this to happen, you have to help me. Please let me swim in the sea. I am done with walking. You know that it is nearly impossible for a crab to walk straight. That is why I am asking you to stop holding my back. I do not hesitate to leave but it is not my job to punish people. I will not let you go through what I am going through because I know, you will not make it. Positively, it is not underestimating you but just to prevent you from suffering any bad moments. Am I not being good enough? Please, save me. Do as I wish. Then only I start to believe in justice. After all, you do not really being sensitive about me.

sticking to C-AS

2009-10-02T15:10:00.003+08:00

My car, C-AS is a symbol of kindness. Tones of memory bear in him. He was bought before the millennium era began. He had traveled throughout the Peninsular, from Perlis to Johor. He rarely gives problem to the drivers. Though, he was not the first car I drove.

I started to drive when I was a 12 year-old kid. I may have broken the law but after analyzing it, it had benefited me in most aspect. My grandfather who was also my instructor said that I was taught to drive early because it would be useful in emergency. Other use was to drive him around especially to the market. Believe it or not, we parked our car in the police barrack which is just opposite to the market. I called that as ‘lesen Agong’. However, only years later I was allowed to drive more than 5km radius.

C-AS had penetrated Police road block thrice. There was not a single encounter that the police stop me. I did not think I look that old to escape but believed it was merely luck. Quite tachycardic moment but God had spared me from any juvenile record. The longest distance covered without even a ‘P’ licence was from PJ to Bangi. Most of the beyond radius travelling were formally informed.

New technology has emerged drastically. Of course, there will be much different if compared with the current models of Proton cars. The design, the handling, the engine and the accessories are all improved. I like driving my brother’s Waja. If 10 years ago, RM40k is what you need to get a smaller version of lorry in Iswara; noisy engine, now a lower amount can gives you a real car, the new Saga. If add extra RM3-5k, you may already own a complete car in Persona.

-powered by MICHELIN-

Who does not want a new car? I am sure majority will agree if given a new car. I personally hard to resist but my thoughts on the future blocked that from happening. Besides, why would you want to add burden on your parents shoulder? I refused the offer because I would rather keep the money for something else. Car is also an investment but it does not help me for the time being. One of my friends had talked about identity. Yes, he is partly right but for right things to happen it must come at the right time. C-AS is an economical car and is very student friendly. He always reserves my wallet from being invaluable. That is why I would want keep him at least till I start working. It is not wrong to drive him even when I have become a doctor. My uncle, an engineer drove mini clubman (the one drives by Mr Bean) to his workplace.

I do not know but I have a different view on personal issues. Always avoid pulling others into personal matters. I do not mean psychological needs but materials factor. I have heard a story about my batch mate. He insisted to get a car from his parents. Sadly, his parents are struggling to feed the family but yet, he requested a Neo! Who are you to ask for a portion of parent’s EPF money? Gosh, it is EPF and it is for the employee to use after they retire from their job. Can you please change and start living by your means? I am pretty sure this guy would not bother his family after he graduated. Okay, it may sound as though I am judging him but do not you think, if he can be very selfish now that he can still be selfish later? Ya, people do change but usually they do it after a miserable event and by then it is too late. Have not you heard ‘Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum selagi kaum tersebut tidak mengubah nasibnya sendiri?’ Do you think this guy will change that early? Do not you want to enjoy and have total control on your salary especially the first few months? Anyway, this story can be just a rumour from Gossip-Boys. Let it be.

-quality sound from sony-

C-AS was born in Pahang. My parents had bought him from mom’s cousin, a car salesperson. They could have bought him from the showroom nearby but since there was a relative in this business, why not help to boost the relative’s sales? Good intention but it is not always resulting in good outcomes. The so called cousin had fooled my parents. Not only that he had made them waiting but also had made them traveled all the way to Pahang to claim the car.

It is quite disappointing but this is one of the Malay attitudes. Many of them get angry when Tun Mahathir had burst a remark on them- Melayu mudah lupa. I have seen a lot of Malay businessmen who are not customer-reliable. They are not like the Chinese who take care of their customers well. Worse still, where is your WATERFACE? How could you do this to your own relative? It is disheartening. As usual, my mom responded it with a smile while my dad mumbled continuously. There was no grudge but this was another lesson to learn. The relationship is still on but her cousin is now a bankruptcy. Perhaps, many people had cursed him and he should have realized his mistakes by now.

My say on Malaysia economy

2009-09-30T01:52:00.003+08:00

‘W’ shape or ‘U’ shape recovery?
W if the Europe or US economy taste another slump
U if the world’s economy continue to recover even at slow pace

Recovery by end 2009?
Very likely because only real sector contracted, financial sector remains intact (high liquidity, domestic savings far exceeding domestic investment)

Which is better? 9% growth in China or 3% growth in US?
Both benefits the country but 3% growth in the US would mean a lot more than 9% growth in China

OPR to stay at 2% till year end?
Very likely.
If reduce further economy may recover faster but plateau at certain point in the future.
If increase before 1st quarter 2010 may affect economy in the negative way but positive after that.

Stimulus package RM67 billion?
Sufficient size to cushion the economy crisis.
Effective if being monitor closely- speed of implementation is as structured + high-multiplier effect (increase public expenditure)
Not effective if implement slowly and low-multiplier effect

More signs to get rough idea on our economy: home financing rate, crude oil prices and not to miss! IPO in KLSE..latest coming IPO is on maxis.

Bliss RaYa!

2009-09-26T01:56:00.004+08:00

As every Muslim in the world welcome its very special day, I cannot afford to miss out from celebrating the day that comes only once a year. Before I proceed, I would like to wish all Muslims; Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Well, the first day is the most exciting. Of course, not everyone will have such opportunity but one of my philosophies is ‘grab while you can’. It is okay to be an opportunist in certain occasion because that gives you the chance to benefit things that come. I do not know when my chance will be taken away but for now, I am thankful that I am still able to seek apologies from both my parents. When I was a small kid, I did it for the money (ampau) but I have grown and understand that it is actually means more than that.

I was brought up with proper guidance and taught to forgive others, no matter how bad one treated me, I must forgives him the least on Raya morning. Being a human, I do not run from doing mistakes but the check list on my hand mitigates my fouls. I may be unconvincing at certain point but I will not stop saying ‘sorry’. Sometimes, you may feel that my apology is insincere but deep inside you know that it is better than nothing. After all, no one can satisfy everyone at all time.

This year’s raya is a little different and unique in its own way. Having known that there is only a year left to complete my undergraduate course, my happiness is doubled with the eligibility to receive ampau from relatives and non-relatives. It looked awkward as this 24 year-old guy with his visible beard is still being treated like other adolescents but I could not deny, it is a sweet moment. I know my days are limited. Soon, the kids around will start asking from me.

In the morning of the 2nd day, my grandfather fell in the bathroom. His elbow bleeds and I did simple dressing. An hour later, I re-assessed his wound and decided that he needs proper treatment. It was a minor cut but tissue regenerative for an 87 year-old man will not be good. I send him to the nearest doctor for 2 or 3 stitches. The doctor commented that I had been a good grandson as well as promising doctor.

However, I know myself more than others. My patience is not as great as my mother. My determination is not as great as my father. My sympathy is not as great as any nurse. My empathy is not as great as my lecturers. My care is not as great as Tun Mahathir. There is no need to compare with The Prophets as my level is far below them.

I saluted both my parents but credit goes to my dad this year because he has been much better for the past few years while mom is still consistent being a wonderful lady. If you remember Petronas raya commercial break, the ones that isolate their father and let him eats with the cat and their children said ‘nanti bila papa mama dah tua duduk kat sini’- referring to a place outside of the house then you will know what I mean. My dad comes forward to stop this from happening to his father.

go here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fHa6FBO1OY

Ops! Ya, it did happen to my great grandfather. The hut that my dad built behind of his father’s house was misused. His father had used it as a room for his grandfather to live in. It was evil but I could not comment much. Both my parents said, they do not understand why he did it but even if he was cruel to anyone, he is still their father. The only thing can be done is to prevent that from happening again in our time and that is what he is doing. He shall not repeat his father’s mistake. He takes care of his father from A-Z (medical, shower, meal and etc). I personally do not have the determination to come every 1 or 2 days to shower him or to entertain his needs. I understand that geriatric patients need more attention than pediatric patients that is why I always prefer pediatric.

Elsewhere, this special day is just like every other year. Visiting the close ones is compulsory. It is dual meaning in fact. Close in terms of relationship as well as distance from home. Whichever does not matter as long as we do not stay at home. It is best to move around while we have the chance to do it.

I was brought up as a town boy but was given the opportunity to taste the sweetness of having a kampong. My mom’s kampong is like a haunted mansion. She was born there but spent most of her childhood time in PJ after moved in to Singapore. Her kampong is where I experienced to ‘mandi sungai, jungle trekking, exotic foods and hantu exploration’ but that is those days. We rarely go there since my grandmother lost her lovely hubby. Each year, everyone unites in her PJ house. It is a different story for my dad. He has a kampong but only in the name. He was brought up in ‘Kampung Tunku’, a small area in PJ. I had some memory there too. I was the pet grandson of my dad’s mother and she had taught me many things in life. I could still remember the day she dressed me up to school, the day I fell from the roof when she was preparing our lunch, the day I helped her to cook some kuih for tea-time meal and many more. Fortunate or unfortunate, both my grannies place is just about 10 minutes away from my place. That for sure, gives us no problem in planning our raya.

A little suprise...

2009-08-24T21:01:00.003+08:00

Gosh! Amazingly my stappy is stil alive! It is one of d few utensils tat r as old as cucms existence. She had been sharing my ups and downs for 3 years before I temporarily lost her. Damn! It wasn’t my fault. Orang lain yang hilangkan! Tats why I hate irresponsible people! Dah tau guna tak tau nak letak balik! Okay, I may b exaggerating but truly, tat was how I feel. But lucky enough, Zuka had searched it for me and keep it safely.

It is nothing big anyway. Just a stapler but it bears past memory. I bought it with my ex. Nah, that does not mean much anymore. I am not haunted by the past and will never be. I am delighted perhaps because I like to keep my things for a long time. Selagi boleh pakai no problem lah. Like my handphone. It was so ugly that I had to use a rubber band to tie the broken phone until my mom bought a new one for me.

Some miscommunication occured between me and Zuka. I thought, I would have lost miss stappy forever. The last time I saw Zuka was during the dodgeball competition which, she had ‘run away’ from me. Her face reflects as if ” no, I do not want to talk to you”. I do not know. High possibility because she went missing when I tried to look for her. We are not close friend but I did share my personal issue with her, once. So, due to that, I took it as ‘azam, move out from my life!’ and I really did until last Friday when she said-hello. Whatever it is, I have got miss stappy with me and thank you Zuka, u made me smile for a while.

my engine has juz started

2009-07-19T23:47:00.001+08:00

I may be stupid but I can always get better. Fail once, fail twice does not end everything in fact it is the starting of something. Every problem has its root of causes and I know what was it. I do not blame anything or anyone as what had happened was expected. I know that was the consequences that I had to bear. I know it was a right decision and here I am looking up to the next step to progress. So, do not underestimate me. The game has just begun. With that, I am declaring myself to finish off the game ultimately with pride. The best from me is yet to come.

Why is it ok?

2009-07-16T16:59:00.010+08:00

I may have lost the pivotal person in the not so new group. I may have lost a brother, a friend and the best person in CUCMS who I can work with. It has also made me lost the support that I have been enjoying for the past 3 years but God is always fair enough. I still have my number two in the current group, who has been holding my hand from drowning. She may not realize how crucial am I to have her around but that is the truth that I would like to tell out. It is not that she had done something for me but her softness and diplomatic way of communicating that always soothe me. She neither say flowery words nor motivational words to comfort the sadden heart if happens to be but always offer a solution to it whenever needed. These two, Abang Pian and Kak Pah, the best that I could ever asked for in CUCMS.

Of course, he is incomparable and nobody will ever beat him in this institution but to have her and a few others on the second list is good enough to assure that the happiness is not lost. It may be weird to hear that I can live with just to have him as a friend in this place but that is the fact (I am extremely very straight ok). So, it took me a little bit off the time to adapt to new friends. I always need extra time before saying anything about a person and I will always be. Well, I do not judge a person without accumulating all the information that I have.

I believed that July is timely enough to say what had been in the heart. Sorry to mention new but that is the most suitable words, as we had never been in the same house or group. For now, I have a damn good jalan-jalan cari makan buddy, Dr. Chicken Am. I have a good informer and workaholic Dr. Boss. I also have the walking encyclopedia Dr. Mi for education purposes, Dr. James for business and economy forecasting, the triplet jokers Dr. Fin, Dr. Mumps and Dr. Nadia. There is also Dr. Nad who is nice to be bullied. Not to forget, Dr. Zu and Dr. OD whenever my mind turns blue or when the two horns on my head grow. My days in class are wonderful because of these people. What i like most about my current group is that, they offer options whenever they argue for something. They are not only making the leader's life easy but also everyone in the group.

I do not say it because of the birthday party but simply because I wanted to. I do not say it to hurt some people but simply to express my gratitude to those mentioned. I do not say it to say that others are not good but simply to show that these people are wonderful to have in any team. I do not say it to apple polishing them but simply because they deserved the credit. I take a bow on these people for allowing me being myself and for the continuous supply of happiness in everyday life as a medical student. Thank you very much.

Bahasa

2009-07-13T21:57:00.001+08:00

I am not a pure Malay (most of us pun tak) but I never forget my roots of origin. Of course, I am carrying much of its blood and proud about it but my point is that ‘ke-melayuan tidak pernah dilupakan’. Wherever I go, I still speak Malay to many others and I agree that ‘bahasa jiwa bangsa’.

However, I am disappointed with the government moves to revert teaching science and mathematics to mother tongue. This is regressive, a step backward. The decision is very much a political ploy and it should not have been this way. Nah, I blame the opposition for starting the fire. I believe, many people are benefiting learning these subjects in English and will be thankful especially when they go into tertiary education.

I have no intention to condemn Bahasa but let us talk facts.
1. How many subjects are taught in Bahasa (tertiary education) other than Bahasa itself and religion teaching?
2. Do we use Bahasa for our paperwork? Presentation? Thesis? In the university or workplace.
3. Try to browse on something for our learning. How many pages are there if we type in Bahasa? Compare it with English.
4. Science words. Are they really Bahasa or just translation? Eg: Condensation/Kondensasi. Thin Layer Chromatography/Lapisan Nipis Kromatografi. Detoxification/Detoksifikasi.
5. Simple words. Excellent/Ekselen. Relevant/Relevan. Detergent/deterjen. Manipulate/Manipulasi. Comprehensive/Komprehensif.

Something to think about huh? If the trend of direct translation continue, then Bahasa will fade one day. Is this what the Malaysians are waiting for? Nak memartabatkan Bahasa sampai terjual Bahasa? What about keling or poyo? Do these words in DBP dictionary? Why direct translation is more acceptable than the words created by our own people? Come on, Bahasa is not like those days and we have to accept that the world has changed. Believe me, we are MALAYSIANS. We will not forget our mother tongue if we learn subjects in English.

Long, short term goals review

2009-07-13T00:00:00.003+08:00

(Study) Having heard the move taken by MOH to cut short the break allocated for undergraduates a couple of months ago, meaning some of my wishes had to be reviewed. Of course, MOH decision is more benefiting because the earlier we work, the earlier we can start enjoying our own income. It means there will be no more begging or in a polite word, no more asking money from parents and this signals the beginning of an independent life.

The EURO trip that I planned had to be re-considered because I would not want to rush enjoying my days in other’s land. It could still be realized but some other things need to be sacrificed. Whatever it is, I still have plenty of months ahead and would not want to talk about it so detail now. It is very disappointing to see the chance being reduced. However, there is no use thinking on something that is harmless and yet, has not happened. Worse come to worse, I can just join my younger brother in 3 years time to Germany if his wishes to pursue degree oversea materialized.

(Efforts) Resulting from that, I have done little changes on financial matters. Instead of allocating the money into ‘savings account’, I have placed it into my ‘investment account’. This is hopeful to maximize the returns. Oh! By the way, savings means the money that you plan to keep but invest means the extra money that you do not plan to use in the near future with hopes to multiple the profit but risk of losing the initial money.

Believe me, the poor economy is not a disaster after all. The inflation rate is high but in terms of share prices, it is definitely in favor of big returns. This is a good time to buy shares as the economy is predicted to be globally stable only by year 2011. So, buy domestic shares or funds now follow with Asian next year before setting up money in Europe or U.S.A. The great depression provides a bigger opportunity for people like me. I may have risked myself by using up almost all my cash in savings account but that is just temporary. In a year time, I will start working and it means I will have fresh, extra cash to invest as well as higher reserved cash for emergency.

(Success)You may be wondering why is this young man keep on thinking only of getting money. It is not only about it. I am just doing the right things at the right time. This is because, when the graph is in upward trend, you will very likely to enjoy profits but deficits if it is on the other graph. So, when the economy has stabled for long, that is the time for you to stop until just before it goes up again after another fall. Do you see what I see? I am glad that I have concluded my final touch on investment, hoping it to reach at least 1/3 of my class fees by end of 2015 (very small if compared to my other friends who would be getting a million by then). This is just a calculation of my current investment without putting into account of any other coming portfolios in the near future. It was finalized 2 days ago and I pray to God to make it easy for me after all the hardship and sacrificed I made : sampaikan result pun masuk tong sampah :( Now, it is purely about education. I will revise the forgotten materials and give the best for the final. Gentlemen, start your engine.

Why, medical doctor?

2009-06-18T13:59:00.003+08:00

It may sound an ancient, rusty question for 4th year medical students like me. Some, if ask, would get annoy to answer such question but is that a sign that our focus are already out of the objective we set many years back? I cannot comment much as it may be due to other reasons. Well, different people have different ideas. Me too, would not know if the route that I am currently using would eventually lead to my hopes in life. It is easier said than done. So, I need a lot of prayers to have the stamina to maintain my walk.

Not long time ago, when the U.S. invaded Iraq, I was only a bird who flies without wing, waiting for the SPM result to be released. I could still remember the night that I watched Buletin Utama on TV3. It was a quiet night that sparked my mind to ask myself, “What if the world ends in 2-3 years time, destroyed by the evil face of human just for the sake of POWER? It means, I will be a drop out due to the uninvited war. It is okay if the world ends but what if it commenced a normal life after a disastrous war? I would be again at the losing end.” Then I started to ask, “What is in an ENGINEER? What can they contribute during war? Oh! Hello…I would be just a student in 2 years time and that gives me nothing special. I can help to build up the nation for the future but only after I graduated. What about being a pilot? Will it still be safe to fly the planes? And what is in a DOCTOR? If I were to take up medicine, there is high possibility that I would be a good asset to the religion, country and race. I would have some knowledge to help up the war victims after 2 years of learning. Even if the only thing I know is dressing, it would be something beneficial. If there is life after war, I will be equipped with ‘hands of God’. Unlike other professions, let it be engineering, pilot, business or hospitality, nothing is greater than becoming a doctor. I can help people simply with my knowledge and the money that I earn. It can be done with just me and the patient around”

It puts me in a mess of mind for a couple of days. I could still remember telling my first ex, Miss G a few months before SPM that I could end up doing anything at any particular reason and time but definitely not to become a doctor. It is one hell of a profession that I will not fall in love with. I added “I am not a nerd bugger but simply an artistic person who loves creating something from anything.” I think again, who cares anyway? She had become my past. There is no need for me to bother on my words and I enrolled into Sains Hayat in MOE matriculation. My long journey continues after being accepted into medical school. I would say, I have gone through the toughest obstacle, which needed me to be on my feet at all time. However, that is just the challenges in Level 1. I would soon be in the next level and is forced to come out with a different style of tactical plan, at least in the middle of the next stage. We could not afford to stick to the same strategy, as this would expose ourselves to be trapped into the enemy’s counter-attacking game. It is a never to be in the comfort zone too long. I am not worried of the final minutes of this level since I am already knew who I would be facing. All I need to do is to assure that nothing stops me from graduating. Therefore, I need to study hard and work things out smartly to achieve something that I accidentally fell for. I want to make my parents proud of me.

That is the coming days and what is my plan for the coming years? There is no war and life is in fact better than before. When I looked back onto my thoughts, some were totally false impression. It is probably just a reason blown to my heart, so that I would not choose to be an engineer or a pilot. It shows how great the God is. He knows what is best for His creatures. I am part of His miracle. When I choose to do MBBS, I surprised everyone around me. Even my dad thought I was influence by my uncle who holds double degree from the school of engineering in Oxford University. Some people criticized my choice because deciding at the very last minute? That is why I said, it is God’s willing, Alhamdullilah. More things will come in the future but let me just keep it in mind. Sharing is caring but it does not apply here. My skyscraping dreams may scare some people and I probably have had. Besides, I prefer to go through obstacles, one at one to avoid misleading direction and false hopes.

cinema-ing alone

2009-06-07T17:27:00.007+08:00

I had always wanted to watch movie in cinema alone but nothing urge me to really do it until one day, my peer said something about it. Then, there was another one who commented, it is pathetic with no reason to do so and the person who does that must be serious awful. I did not say anything about it but that situation triggered my mind to ask myself “why not?”.

(hmmm...thinking of, to do or not to do it?)
A couple of days later, after chilling out with a friend in Subang, he requested me to drop him in Pyramid. This had happened before, so I asked “Ko lepak lagi? Kawan tunggu ke?” He replied while yelling at me “Kawan? Eh, takde lar, aku jalan sorang2, go arcade then catch up any movie lar”. I was a little surprise that there are actually people who do watch movies without any company. His reasons were quite reasonable. He said that his wife or good friend’s ample time is not always synchronized as his. So, why should he misses any good show just because no one to come along with him? I nodded my head.

I decided to start doing it in the following week. It was Fast & Furious 4. My first experience was a bit kekok but I enjoyed the show. I noticed, the guys who sat besides me as well as the front seat were also alone! So, it is not something against the norm. I did it again in the week after. This time, it was...eh, i dun remember the title. Of course, I enjoyed the night as good movies really calm my mind. The third was Angels & Demons but not on the consecutive week.

(one of d nite tat i decided not to go alone..ditemani julie for wolverine)
Since Wednesday offer discounts on movie tickets and the only weekdays that is not fully occupied, I planned to reserve the day for movie in the next coming weeks but it is strictly depending on my availability. If I start going to gym, then tata bubye lar. Funny thing, I do not feel like calling any of my friends from other universities who are currently on holiday. However, I will not rule out anyone who calls me out for a movie. I am still the same person, just a little more mature than before. I can do things on my own without anyone’s company just like how I attend my classes. After trying out 3 times, I find it really positive. I have not been in LATE for the show, I even have time to walk around and play some games and many more. Of course, it is more interesting to watch movies in a group but it is also okay to do it alone. Like Lenka said “just enjoy the show”.

Investing for the future

2009-05-14T15:06:00.003+08:00

There are a lot to say about investment but my limitation is the time to write. It is mandatory to have an eye about having good personal financial if she is not interested in the local or global economy. Poor financial management will lead to many defects. So, start saving or investing. If you say it is too early to invest then you are probably wrong. This is because the money that you invest will grow. If you want to start 10 years later then most investors will say that you have just wasted a precious 10 years. I have been involved directly for more than 10 years now and happy to see the outcomes. The wealth that I am enjoying today is the result of yesterday’s work and today’s hardship is for tomorrow’s pleasure. Thank you grandpa, for the business brain that you had passed on to your generation.

I like to start things from the basic. I believed, with strong foundation you will have the stamina you need to maintain your position as high as it can be. So, in many things offered to the bumis, I will say that the ASB is just the simplest and most basic type of investment before anything. No wonder when PNB opens 5 million units for sale last week in other fund comparable to ASB, the non-bumi grabbed it in just a few hours. It is not that they have a lot of money but simply because they know the high returns they will get. The figure is around 7% per annum, minimal risk and better still, a government-backing fund. There is no difference in buying and selling price unlike other unit trust funds! So, whatever happens, they will still get their initial money plus the dividends! It is unlikely to make the investors lose their money. For those who have not place their money there then do so. For those who did not invest because you claimed it a ‘haram’ fund then check the status again with Islamic authority and Security Commission. The Muftis’ fatwa is ‘harus’ (http://www.islam.gov.my/portal/lihat.php?jakim=2925). As for its investment methods and et cetera, I will tell you if you ask and not in this post. It is too wide lar. No space to write.

Other unit trust funds are more volatile and have higher risk. It may bring losses if it is not well manage. Ops! I mean if the economy performs badly. Please do not get it wrong. Economy is not all about share prices but it is just an indicator. Usually,
if the economy goes haywire, the share price will also plunge. If you already have an ASB account, then, you would want to consider buying it. It gives higher return in shorter period of time but of course, higher risk as well. If you plan to place the money for 10 years the least, then I would suggest you to buy the passive type of account rather than the active ones. On average, the passive fund, which gives lower return in a shorter time actually gives more in 10 years duration. However, if luck is not on your side then you might lose partial or all of your money. We are fortunate that Malaysia offers a lot of things. Now, the Islamic funds are much bigger and it gives a lot of options for the Muslims but do not forget, only PNB funds are not charging us any extra charges. Others will usually eat (5+1)% of your initial money and 1.5% for the next other years. On the other hand, PNB funds have higher probability to give bigger returns.

If you have time and would want to devote your passion on business then go for KLSE. It is potentially to give you an unbelievable return. Just look at the Bank Rakyat shares, it gives you 20-40% especially in the last couple of years. This is something good but my advise is, think thrice before start putting your feet on KLSE. It may not be suitable for medical doctors unless if he is able to control his desire on profit gains. Do not be greedy as God will pull your luck away. Other option that may be categorized as ‘safe’ is to invest in gold. It belongs to commodity section, unlike ASB that is 70% on equities. Gold prices do not change drastically overnight. It takes time to fall but half of it to rise. It is sell at around RM103 per 100g now compare to RM 33 for the same weight 10 years ago. Its performances indicate by10 years graph is on the climbing trend. The only things to bother is the need to ‘zakat’ our gold each year. Do not forget the 5 pillar of Islam. We must pay zakat for the unuse (invest) gold.

In whatever investment you are in, do not forget a few of its rules. First of all, investment is all about time. Do not dream big to have high returns in short period of time. Secondly ‘cash is king’. You can invest using loans too, but the returns are not guaranteed. There are few analysis need to be done before jumping into it. Rotating the cash money is what the investors usually do. Thirdly, place money on good managers. The bigger and stable the institution the safer your money will be because these people will need to take care of their names well. Anything happens to a certain fund, they will take some actions to minimize the loss. To conclude, the more cash money you invest, the longer it stays there, the higher returns you will get but do not forget the inflation rate that you have to bear.

Others investment points I would like to address:
• It pays to think like a pessimist when you make your list of debit and credit. It gives you space to breathe when you have money. I have read a religious article and it says “God is angry when you spend more than what you earns”.
• No matter how savvy your investment is, your credit card debt can bleed you of money. Consider using the debit card instead.
• Be fearful when they are greedy and greedy when they are fearful. Basicly, just stay calm in any situation appears.
• We make the dumbest money decisions when we are panic
• This is a great opportunity to restructure bad investments as well

Very inspiring wishes from an ex-minister

2009-04-22T16:09:00.004+08:00

“Good luck and all the best to you” said Datuk Seri Azalina to me last Sunday. I smiled and nodded my head to her while we were shaking hands. It was undescriptive as I did not expect her to have a little chat with me. She may have had lost a ministerial post in the cabinet but her recognition or VVIP status remains intact. I take her words for self-motivation, to help building up more and more confidence to deal with the outside world.

Perhaps, it is just the beginning for me. An enigmatic motion on something big in the future or it could just be an odd moment. Being me, I opt to see it optimistically. However, I am still unable to understand her last few words about me. She said “Continue breaking the girl’s heart”. I laughed and left the conversation with a smile but what is that suppose to mean? Do I look like that kind of a person who always breaks the girls heart? But for sure, she does not know about Miss N. Just last year that I broke her heart, being unable to show love on her.

Though it was quite a short period of falling for each other, I would still say that I love her and I still do. Unfortunately, my focus was on something else and I would say I was not ready to commit. Ini timing sudah silap laah. I was very unfair to her but things happen for a reason. That is why I still love all my exes. These ‘fabulous four’ had mature me intelligently. So, do not be surprised to see picture or notes of my exes in my wallet. What is already there will remain till the next one. Whatever Datuk Seri was thinking, I take it as if she was just joking. No harm to call it off.

Inside or outside the box and the ‘thinking’ theory

2009-04-22T14:26:00.003+08:00

see overview, then go details

It is quite common to hear people saying that the men look things as a whole while the ladies look things in detailed. Is that true? Or are we just being sexist? And what makes a good manager? Isn’t he able to see things differently? Doesn’t him look at things as a whole before going detail about it? I ask again, bukankah lelaki itu pemimpin dalam keluarga? So, why don’t we just say that the men think both in general and detail? Or is it the women who balance out the thought of their men? What will be the result of playing the mind games?

It is hard to explain through writing but I will try not to make it sound complicated. Perhaps, it is good to talk about my journey this year. I have to travel to various places for classes. Hospital Serdang, Hospital Putrajaya, Hospital Kuala Lumpur, KK Dengkil, KK Bangi and possibly of Hospital Terendak or Tanjung Rambutan as well. Unlike other university or medical institution, studying in CUCMS requires the most traveling. It is either the management of the university is cuckoo or the lecturers are crazy or whatever it may be. It gives some students logistic problems and sometimes, problem in planning a holiday. The negative issues are many to list but that if you see things inside the box.

Let us try to see it from the outside. Tune our mind that it benefits us more than anything. It can be, by travel a lot, much hard work being done and that indirectly prepare us to face the bumpy roads of life in our future undertakings. Besides, there was a say quoting that travelling is a sunnah. At the end of the day, nothing comes easy and with hardship, success is the result. Now, let us try to think using the triangle theory.

After being able to see things in general, getting the right overview of a situation, we shall try to think it in detail, brief or both. Well, the ability of a person to think either in general or detail is actually up to the person himself. If he wants to be specific then he will change his focus towards that direction. How? it is the triangle formula, of general, specific and lateral thinking. We have heard about it many times before but do we understand or able to see the mapping? Here, I include what I have learnt from a pediatrician somewhere last year.

now tat u haf focus, try to see the bigger pictureUsing the same situation as example, the general view is more or less the result of our general thought. We will appreciate the situation more if go into detail or it can be the other way round. There is a 50-50% chance. What if we think not too detail and not too general? This is what we call lateral thinking. The direction of our thought is adjustable. A good decision is mostly a result of good analytical thinking. It means, balancing the percentage between detail and general thought. It can be 50-50, 45-55, 60-40 or anything depending on the situation. However, not everything needs us to think laterally. Some are purely just general and some need to be detailed. This is a skill that lies in each human. It can be explored through experience and everyday learning. As for my struggle studying in Year 4, I think laterally and traveling benefits me more as a person. I am happy though I had lost a very good friend to other group. I am able to cope because of the adjustment of thought that I do.

UMNO now or later?

2009-04-15T18:34:00.002+08:00

Najib has officially rules Malaysia. A few days later, Tun had rejoined UMNO and it is great news for many supporters. I was a member of ‘kelab UMNO luar negara’ and once had been critically involved in a controversial issue of de-recognition a medical university. There was a lot being done but the team I worked with was not strong enough to convince the MMA to pull back their decision. We had sleepless nights in the designated country as well as when we returned home. All for the sake of completing a solid paper work for MMA, its ministry and the premier but nothing is appreciated. The voice that had backing us also was only politicking and in a very last minute, had made a u-turn to defend the government decision. After all, they are part of the government.

By that, I decided to stay around for good. Fortunately, having educating in a very promising institution, I am now have seen the bigger picture of my previous experience. The government had done well to stick and defend their decision to de-recognize the university. Though I am agree that the learning there is beneficial lot, the irresponsible students were the thorn in sub-standardizing the quality of future doctors. The university was doomed by its own game. They had chose wrong players. I hope, the good ones around will not change into the bad ones. They must be strong!

The firm, decisive and strong government is what the people need, not the simply pick-up candidate. I would not say ‘clean’ as I do not think Malaysia are ready for that. The opposition is even worse. The government move to reshuffle its cabinet means nothing if they do not perform as they had promised. They must show their quality. I am very grateful that Muhkriz was elected as deputy minister. This reflects that they do not tolerate with people who involved in ‘money politic’. Ok, I should not elaborate more.

The return of ‘Tun’ had given me a mixed feeling. It puts me in a conflict. I had once told people that I would join UMNO locally when Tun re-join. After a few months of thoughts, I decided to join once I have secured my degree or it could even be later than that, perhaps in early 40. However, my dad had opened up this topic during the general assembly and he wants me to get involve at an early stage. He wants me to help other leaders to build up this country. I did say no because of many reasons but the ‘Tun factor’ gives me a second thought. It is possibly good enough to be at least a registered member if I do not want to be a representative. At least, it really provides the support that UMNO needs. I will discuss it with my mom before signing up and if I were to do so, I would be under Kelana Jaya division. Besides living in its area, it is lead by a person who used to be the strongest and influential man in Selangor. This state has developed well under his administration and should have done greatly if he had not overlooked some rules. I have much respect for him even though he was not my choice for the Deputy President post. His lost was expected but only to a better person.

The day i walked away, speechless

2009-03-20T10:57:00.001+08:00

It was a tearful week. I had to bear a very deep cut in my heart alone, giving no space for others to see the visible wound. Neither mom nor brothers know about it. I am disappointed especially to what you did towards me last Sunday. It was not unforgivable but definitely will lead to malunion healing. I will not say it is inerasable from the memory because that will make me no different from a few others who, may not have been keeping grudges but still allowing painful memory to stay. I am not that kind of a person who being holds by the past in any situation. I forgive people but it is always the matter of ‘analytical’ calculation, which, if it brings me more harm than good, then I will not hesitate to axe the person from my life, temporarily. I am mean, extremely mean in such situation and people will not want me to do that on them. I have, so far, done it to less than 5 people and had closed their chapter in my life. Oh! I am still a human being with a wonderful heart. Due to the unforgiving deeds, I am actually giving them another chance through this way. They can be my friend again, if they come and call for a new chapter in my book. The only factor here is ‘time’. If they come at a very wrong hour, then, it will take a longer time to re-introduce them again.

It is not hard to do it especially when the feels are so strong, which I cannot resist. Unfortunately, I had left a gap while implementing or taking such move as part of principle in life. I will not say it was mistakenly set. Perhaps, I choose who to be the victim of my cruelty. The ‘immunity’ chain, wear by my family and the love ones make them indispensable at any stake. No matter how much pain I feel from the sharp knife they are holding, I will still reply with a smile. I will make sure it continues to be that way as long as I am breathing to live. I know, you have been trying to check on me the day after that and after that. I am glad that I did not say a word but just walked away with a smile, speechless, moving on my own, living like the nomads. Just so that you know, I am extremely frustrated that you did not walk your talk. Worse still, your action towards me was the thing that I did, which you said was wrong. I am learning and you are always there to guide but if it is like a dog barking by the roadside, then, might as well I learn to live my way.

Mini budget

2009-03-12T08:22:00.001+08:00

Congratulations Malaysia government for the RM60 billion effort! It is double the figure I was expecting and I am hopeful that it is enough to cushion the impact of global economy meltdown. I may be naïve in business or economy but that does not mean I do not learn anything from the prospect. Personally, I do gain something from this miserable flop that the world is experiencing. I gain even more when the local government decided to throw RM60 billion to stimulate the economy growth. I believed that I am not sharing the good news alone. However, I am sorry for the others who are feeling the heat of the recession. Though theoretically Malaysia is not in recession but practically we are. Just look at the mall. We have sale every day! Just the stability of the local banks convinced us but never say we are insulated from the crisis. The economy is bad and can get worse. The game has just started. Do not be afraid if you are not fully equipped. Sometimes, you still survive when you have nothing, as the civilized army kills no civilian.

A small thing but helpful

2009-02-19T22:20:00.007+08:00

Some say, we are far from the place. How can we help them? We don’t even know what they need and it is hard to give a hand when we cannot be there. Some say, I want to help but I am still depending on my parents. While others say, this is their problem, why should we interfere? They do not help us when we need any help. So, why would we?

There are too many to list. Those are the three I could remember while reading some articles on the newspaper. Well, no matter what their reason is, we shall not put ourselves in their position which, anything that surface can be avoided by giving reasons. I purposely posted this post many weeks after Palestine and Israel had achieved its ceasefire. It is simply mean to give a ‘wake up’ call to the readers who might have fallen asleep from giving a hand. It should be a continuous process not only on this issue but also to anything that may need our help.

We know that the Zionist will not sleep from torturing the Palestinians. Poor them for having a shorter cycle of life that is ‘born-grow-study-war-dead’. Many years upfront, they might even lose their land to the Zionist and the Al-Aqsa mosque will be demolished or conquered by the wrong people. That will indirectly tarnish the pride of the Muslims for failing to defend their valuable territory. Having the fastest growing religion on earth, we still fail to unite as a whole and it is extremely shameful. The Muslims in various regions will be pinpointing and try to put the blame on others. The East Asians blame the Arabs for the splitting thoughts, while the Arabs are blaming on certain parties, labeling them as extremist. Whatever it can be or may be, it is beyond our power to put things right. However, it is in our capacity to unite if we follow the simple rules stated in the Quran and Hadith. That is why we were told to use those as the guidelines in life. It may be simple but is highly effective.

That is when we talk about unity. What if we start asking ourselves on how much good deed has we did in the name of humanity? Is it enough to claim a place in heaven? And what sort of good deeds will assure our place? No one knows but we can try to fit in. How? No one knows. Haha! But I can say that if we continuously do good and no harm, then the outcomes in the later days are very promising. It is well explained in the Quran and other religion’s bible. Like a few of CUCMS lecturers have been talking about in making sincerity as the second nature to their students. Their philosophy explains when we keep on doing certain things then it will be some part of us, which is true. So, if we keep on doing good things then we will always want to do it.

It starts from now and it is never too late for anyone. As long as the person wants to bring a change in himself, then there is no issue. Everything comes from a heart and that differentiate between the living creatures from the non-living objects. Everyone regardless of their gender, race, religion, financial status or even age can help to contribute something good for the community. A lot of people think we need money to help people but that is far than true. Don’t believe ar? Doctors partially treat their patient through good communication, appropriate touch and with some knowledge on the disease.

However, if money involves, it does not necessarily require big sum of money. Let’s take donation to the mosque for discussion especially to the guys. We go for Friday prayers every week. Isn’t it good if we can donate as minimal as RM1 each session? It only cost us RM52 for the whole year! Unfortunately, I doubt the ability of the majority to reach that figure. This is because there are thousands of reasons for not making it 52 times a year. For instance, a long surgery operation that extends beyond the time for Friday prayer, no small change in the wallet, gets stuck in traffic jam, heavy rain, oversleep and et cetera. So, it is in fact less than RM52 and much cheaper than spending on a girlfriend, or even a week’s expenses! If my little brothers can afford to give, why not anyone else?

Can you imagine how much money can be save by the specific mosque if we start giving? RM1 is like nothing to us but it means a lot to a community. If a Friday prayer in a mosque can accommodate 1000 people, then the collection for the month will be RM1x1000x4weeks=Rm4000. That may help in settling the utility bills. The contribution from the government and other donations can then be used for other purposes, which benefits the people. Of course, it will be nicer if we can donate more than RM1 but being able to donate consistently is much better than being inconsistent. Let us vow for changes. Start to donate once a week regardless of the amount. Every penny does make a different. When we have started to give, call upon our brothers to do it. Make it a second nature. It helps to build a generous generation in the long run. This practice is effortless but very beneficial indeed. Do not be surprise if the money that we contribute is also being channeled to the Palestinians. So, that is a bonus pahala for us.

That is why I said, “Whenever our friends want us to help, we shall try to give them what they need as long as it does not affect or touch our individual dislikes. It is the sincere heart that counts and if you cannot do it then just say it out. Be humble, it is not wrong to say ‘no’. Of course, certain details aren't making you smile, but if you step back and look at your life as a whole, things are pretty awesome. You shape them. You colour them. Life is yours.”

Gong Xi Gong Xi :D

2009-02-10T22:29:00.004+08:00

Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese regardless of their religious beliefs. As the people are celebrating its new year, the year of Ox is expecting to be not much different in the beginning but promising a very sweet end. This is due to the Ox admirable strength and tenacious resolve to do well. I may not be someone who believes in feng shui or any sort of superstitious belief but it is undeniable that there is some relevant information there or perhaps correlation or coincidence. Whichever it belongs to, it is nice to read and recently I found an interesting article about the people who were born in the year of Ox.

Part of the short article writes “People who are born in the Year of the Ox appear indecisive, deliberate and slow-moving. But they are patient and persevering. When they’ve set their mind on something, they won’t give up until they’ve attained their goals. Their steady, consistent effort ultimately bring them success”. My comment is Whoah! That is almost true! I am sometimes indecisive and need the love ones to decide what is best for me. I am slow in doing my work but will complete everything that I do but I am not a perfectionist, though I was. Through the years, I have experienced a lot of things that touch my patience but I am somehow did not explode. I went through all the obstacles like how I finished my run in 110 meters hurdles during the school time and I hardly given up my goals! O yeah, my ending part is always the sweet ones.

More about them, “Ox year people are alert. Although they are not given to talking much, they can inspire confidence in others. They are very dextrous and can do almost anything with their hands. They are stubborn and hate to fail in anything they have undertaken”. Haha! Do I inspire people? I don’t know but I can do almost everything with my hands. I may not be flexible but I love being an all-rounder. I have heard people saying, “If you try to do everything, you will end up getting nothing”. That is not the case for me yet, as I have been living doing so many things and I get almost everything I wanted. It could be luck on my side, or it could be just because I was born an Ox? I am very stubborn that I listen to no one. It is not ego but I blame on the ‘kepala batu’.

Oh! No wonder. So now, it explains some part of me from the Chinese view. What about other people who are born in the same year as me? Any comment Uchnana, Farissa or others? Look back at your memory and compare :D . Just to name that Tun Dr. Mahathir and Barack Obama are Oxen. As for me, I found it quite interesting to compare. At least, I will try to improve myself especially when I look at the Ox weaknesses. Be optimistic! Sometimes, we need to try to see things differently. There is not need to be superstitious. After all, the analysis is based from our environment, the planets or whatever it may be which are still the God’s creations. This year, I am delighted to have got my ang pau, after missing it last year. I am proud to be the citizen of this country that colored with various culture. Sharing is caring, Malaysia truly Asia.

Year 2009

2009-01-22T21:05:00.002+08:00

(nothing will stop me from achieving my goals)

Nothing big is planned for the next two years for the community like what I have done in year 2008. The remaining years before I completed my degree studies were designed for only myself. I would say 2009 and 2010 are years of being selfish. This time is meant to satisfy my needs, to enjoy my days as a student.

Last year, I have successfully proposed a project for the orphan but it did not work out as smooth as I wanted it to be. It could be due to my absence in the organization but at least, I have met my own target. It was a good start for things that I have planned and hopefully I can do better next time. A few months after that, I proposed a charity event to raise fund for the orphan through car drifting. It was rejected but I did not give up. I handed it to other people and it turned out to be a successful event. Certain party with collaboration of MyTV3 @ drift have emerged as the organizer and proudly implemented the ideas that my cousin and I had been sharing. I did not mean to tell but the point that I wanted to stress here is that ‘do not give up’. In my previous writing, I wrote about meeting a road end for this event but with a lot of prayers from the people, the impossible turned out to be possible by itself. It is God’s willing. Alhamdullilah.

This year, I expect a lot of backpacking; outdoors activities while a better concentration on studies. Other than that, the amount reserve for savings would be lesser compared to last year but still in accordance to meet the targeted sum. I have invested in bulk and now, I am just waiting for the money to grow. It will then be used for my EURO trip in 2010 after securing my degree. I am targeting to check out at least 6 countries in 2-3 months stay. The dream is to travel from Switzerland-Germany-Netherlands-Belgium-France-Italy and back to Switzerland if possible. That will be a massive journey if I could make it happen. Well, every wish starts from a dream and to have it achieve, some plans need to be implemented to work things out. A lot of efforts and passion are required, not just stop and stare.

(i will make sure my target n focus remain gud even in bad days)

When friends become good friends, competitor and opponent

2009-01-12T16:52:00.009+08:00

How good can our friends be? What is the limit when we befriended others? Do they really soothe us when we are down or get disappointed? Will they sacrifice more of their time and maybe money for us to survive the obstacles we are facing? How would good friends treat us when we are competing for the same thing? Will they play ‘smart’ or play ‘right’? How many times did we hear good friends become ‘betrayer’?

All this happens in the real context of life. It does not really bother me but in the late, I have been receiving a lot of words, asking me to keep them around. I am far from good but I have principles in life, which I think are appropriate. I help anyone as long as I can and all depends solely on my capacity. I will say ‘no’ when I believe I cannot do it or when it is 50-50. I do not want to give false hope as I do not want to hurt them. Well, hurting them when I say ‘no’ is less severe than saying ‘yes’ but doing nothing. Realistically, words of comfort contain more lies than actions. I am just a human being who does not run from making mistakes, a typical guy who always think girls are cute people.

My baby Kim..Ops! Kimbo in her tummy, definately not mine..

The sweet n lovely Syaz

Abel d caring n unstopable clown

Dae d tube light yg comel

Personally, I have experienced losing two best friends and now left with 4 from the same network. It really hurt as we grew up going through phases of life together. The reasons could be simple and straight forward ‘a girl and power’. I have no intention to flash back the past but let it just discuss the key to remain as before. Inevitably, there will be people who come and go but how or what can be done to keep us as happy as before?

This would have relative answers. Everyone has his own personal view but I believed very much in “moderation”. For the last one year or two, I have tuned myself to do things moderately. It could be due from the unbearable pain I felt in the previous years. My aunty who had repeatedly telling me stories about her husband and a few obsessed people, triggered the motion to change. The result of being too obsessive is always poor while moderation is always at the other end. This is a fact, not myth. Let us look back at the human idol, Muhammad S.A.W. He had stressed on the importance of being moderate in almost all sort of things related to the world.

Now that I am 23 years old, I have many good friends around in many places, either it locally or internationally. My network is bigger compared to the naïve ‘azam’. Duh, it always gets bigger as we grow. The important point here is that I am prepared for the worse, as the time mature me to be a man who will only need little time to solve problems. You make me happy, I will try to make you happy. You annoy me, I will just walk away and move to the next station. I will not stop too long, trying to deal with any unnecessary circumstances. Like a friend of mine who said that I make a good brother to her and praised me for being around but at the same time saying shit things to others about me just because her guy didn’t like me. That do not disappoint me but it is only making out a fool of herself. So what if her guy hates me? and so what if she becomes the ‘betrayer’? I believe in God. He will protects the right ones no matter what. So? Go ahead with the lies as human is born with brain (anencephaly do not survive), they can think and God will lead their heart to trust me even more. You give me one shit, I will not revenge but God will give you two shits in return to answer your beautiful heart. I thought, I was being very bad for taking 2 years to reply her birthday gift but this reluctant heart of mine seem to know a lot of unseen things. I do not know. It could probably just a coincident. Anyhow, I am now laughing looking at her pretending being an angel. Oh! Maybe she is an angel but in the satanic world?

In Subang, I could not remember the last time I pay for my drinks or foods when we hang out. Interestingly, I hang out with them almost every weekend. Bistro? Darus? Behind my place? Snooker? Barcelona? Centro (I dislike d beats ere) ? A particular guy never allowed me to pay just because I am a student. For God sake, he earns only RM1100 per month and that is close to my monthly ‘gift’. With the current economy, I would consider that as a very small amount for independent people. However, his sincerity is true and I could see that. How did he survive? I do not know but he treats me like his own brother. He cares for me but of course, with limits. Unfortunately, there will be no more ‘azam’ of the past. He will get good treatment from me but not to the stage of being his brother. I will not starve because of a friend. I will not beg others for a friend. I will not repeat the same mistakes I did in the past. Worse still, he is not even considered as the untouchable ‘four’. Meaning, he is just someone I knew for less than two years but is pathetically ranked lower than the four good friends of mine in terms of priority but the only one who has been spending much for me. He is incredibly someone who has not being calculative on me but yet, I am not giving him the same passion I gave to those four buddies of mine. Perhaps, this is what I mean by moderation. I would probably treat him better in the coming time but in a slow mode.

(love looking at these 2sweet ladies, they practically doing everything together! can see d chemistry is ther, like sisters)
It is not easy being the eldest in the family but I used to wish to have an older brother. I want him to lead me, to assure that there is a fine flow of life. I thought I have found one but I did not. I get hurts when he is giving his best to comfort other people’s feeling than mine. I became the person that he would sacrifice to assure happiness for another party. I had to swallow all the pain on my own. Perhaps, that made me being myself. I do not need an older brother. Possibly, the cousin that I live together since small is good enough to be the brother I need. Others? Friends just solidly remain friends. Nothing more.

(my powerpuff girls: i love d way they treat me)
I am very happy having suits with my own fundamental. It gives me happiness more than sad moments. I have very strong relationship with my family and they are the people I need most. They are my family, my best friends and my buddies. They are simply my everything. So, the highest a friend can place in my life is just being a good friend. In other time, there is possibility of you become my competitor or opponent but I will try to fair play. For those who think they have great times with their friends – congratulations but when you fall into the hidden trap then think about my post again and you will want to slow down your pace in friendship. By the way, friends of different gender hardly disappoint us. That is why God creates women for men. The only problem is, they do not last unless if they end up being our other half but it works only for 1 as the quota is very limited. However, being me, I will not fall for a friend and yet, I haven’t. I believe in love at the first sight especially when the heart beats, and it beats only when I meet her. When that happens, I will flirt and grab but if I fail to get then I will move, looking for another star that twinkle the most during that joyful night. After all, life is all about exploring.

The circle of TRUST:beyond infiniti

A writer and his writing

2009-01-12T16:41:00.002+08:00

“A lot of reading and nothing from writing” gives no difference or maybe slight. Now that I understand, writing is an art and it bears in the person’s mind. The skills are in them but gets sharper when they write more and more. My experiment, hoping to change my way of writing is inclining towards failure. I thought, giving a ‘rest’ to the mind or taking some time off while analyzing others’ work would make me write like some known journalist or at least, Abel (i really think shes gud). Perhaps, there are differences but the principle remains. I don’t know. I could just be judging myself too early but I will start writing again and compare it with my previous writings in the next couple of months. After all, I love to write and speak the mind out. Therefore, I cannot be taking too much time off to revolutionize my way. The definite result could only be seen after several writing. However, the outcome is all about self-satisfaction and has got nothing to do with the people outside there. It is totally personal and my absent could just be a reason for me to distance myself from the people. Why should I anyway? and to my 1st ex, Happy bday Genevieve.

Hapiness, it lies within

2008-08-12T14:11:00.006+08:00

Final part

Rulz no 4: Look at things in a different way. Get the big picture of it.

I have been keeping a huge secret from most people especially my parents. I am tiredof holding it and it had eaten myself quietly for the past few months. It has also taken away my mermaid. All because I tried very hard to find differences between them. Comparing? Nah…juz identifying…I do not want to get stuck in bad omen twice. That’s why I was being very careful and went slightly overboard. Though, I did not regret. For things to happen, let it happen. For me to explode, let me explode. It is sickening to bear it alone.

I will not tell it directly but if you people have watched ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall-it’s out in d movie!’, then you can imagine it. Eh! Go watch lar…best gak ar citer tuh…It was almost exactly my story. Ok, just the flow of the story not everything (Sabi, now you understand why I looked so serious in some part of the show). In fact, just what Sarah did to her boyfriend. I enjoyed the movie. It was full with laughter but some parts, it reminds me of my past. It hurts me very much but a challenge for me to go through some difficult moments. It was an enormous move to give my trust to the wrong person. I knew she didn’t deserve it but I still allow it to happen. It was totally my fault.

Before we broke up, when things looked nasty to me, rihanna-unfaithful video clip was released. I like that video clip and still remain as one of my favourites. It is not that I like to be haunted by the past but I was save by that clip. She posted it on friendster and myspace as well as sang it a couple of times. It sparked my mind that it was happening. That was the reason of me not granting any of her wishes. Some of you know the wishes. Ridiculous right? I don’t mind breaking up as long as I stick to my belief. Finally, we broke up in peace. Years later, I found out about her true colours from her ex housemate. Ops! I didn’t ask but I was told. It was frustrating that she had been acting like an angel in front of me and was becoming someone else at the back. Of course, it was just some stories I heard but it suited to what had been in my mind all this while. I am intuitively right. I didn’t have it out of nowhere. Indeed, I asked from God to ‘beratkan hati to the left or to the right’. Good thing is, I made a good decision by pulling myself away from her. I don’t judge thing on just one occasion. So, expect me to know more than only to hear those that were circulating in the air.

All this years, it is not about covering her ass or protecting the dark side of her. I simply do not want people to think negatively about her. I mean, I do not want people to hate or look down at her just because of what she did towards me. Let it be known that I am the culprit. Let it be known that I was the bad ones. It is not sacrificing but my intention was to take that as a ‘pengajaran hidup’. It will remind me, some people can be as cruel as ‘Joker’ but never in life for me to repeat or do it to other people. It goes back to the basic. The objective of becoming a doctor is to help people. I will not throw the blessed skills for the demon (Thanks Dr. Wawa! For putting it as Dr. Azam in your link. I appreciate it and need such prayer to excel). I don’t hate people, yet but I may lose some respect to them. Like Ashburn@blackmail? Ya, I couldn’t look at him like how I used to see him. I have totally lost it. However, there is no revenge in me. I will still help him if he wants me to. That’s why, it is not the ying and yang. The power is in our hands (go celcom!). We can laid the ghosts to rest.

If I continue saying it, people will start thinking how far she went beyond expectation. Let us look from the other view. What if I said, I was happy having her? Along the relationship, we took turns in comforting each other. We spend time and money wisely and were never being calculative at any point. Oh Gosh! I don’t like to have my wallet empty. During the good days, she will make sure that do not happen. Since she had always been holding my wallet, she knows the content of it, in and out. She knows where I kept my emergency money. If it happens that my wallet has none of that, she will put some red or turquoise notes. Best thing, I only noticed about it once I am home. At times, bukannya xde duit, juz belum withdraw from the bank jer. Yes Zuka, it’s turquoise.

So? It is still in us? Isn’t it enough to show that the happiness lies within? It is just the matter of acceptance. We should be creative enough in making or turning the situation around. Finally, have some eyes on the orphan. What do they have? Some don’t even get to taste the wonderful love from the parents. They lost the most important thing in life but yet still surviving like everyone else. Some have no direction or goals in life. That’s why it is our job to warm them. I was lucky to have my parents living together. I get adequate loves from both of them. Of course, some things are inevitable but always try to come out with something positive. What I am having now is not guaranteed but at least, I appreciate it before everything is too late.

No Kim, I ain’t a philosophy man. I love my life and I won’t waste it. Da-e, I am not as complicated as you think rite? Always try to make things simple. Sometimes, we must forget about the procedures but do things relevantly to the situation. We were given the mind to think. So, let us use it wisely. I end it with the motto of my group. “Happiness is in your hands”. I do not know who triggers it but one thing for sure, it was great! We used the same motto throughout our YM project each year. That shows how much we stick to our principle and we do not change it overnight. Well done YM3! especially on our latest project. The orphans are definitely waiting for our returns there. Lets make it happen this coming Ramadhan. Insyaallah.

And for now, I will take the same step as Mila. I will have a break for a while before start writing again. It is nothing personal but mainly about my writing. I would like to write it in a different way. Perhaps, towards what can be done not what need to be done. I don’t know. We’ll see how. Thank you very much for reading this blog. I was surprised that some of my juniors are actually reading it. Take care you people!

Hapiness, it lies within

2008-08-05T11:53:00.010+08:00

PART2: Angelus
*if u haven't read d 1st part, scroll down :P

Seriously, it is a no joke situation. Marriage, life span and many more will be affected. She was terrified. Well, that was what she told me. However, that didn’t last long. Two days later, she was just like every other day, the sweet lady with seductive talk and smile. She really has that. The killing way of speaking without any sense of hypocrisy, which could easily win over me. I envy the way she cope with the situation. She is strong, really strong. I would not want to imagine how will I react if that happens to me. I can’t even go through my day without my mom during the minor operation I had a few months back.

uchnana style
muka2 sengal

Girls? Some people may say that they are troublesome but I love them. Ya, at times they are complicated but they usually make me heppi..They make me feel belong. Of course not every girls but no matter how much they pretend, I am still ok with it. That is because I play safe. I play accordance to the rules. I do not give them any hope when it is about me (Oh! I’m not sure about this). They are just like my other guy friends. Two simple reasons of why I like them:
1) I am straight. So, nothing beats d nature set by God.
2) They are soft hearted and have natural touch to pamper the guys.

I am not easy but I have to admit that the soft ones makes my heart beating for her. That is why, my close friends are not ‘the soft’ ones. So, we will somehow ended being a good friend no matter what. Past, present and future are the same.

(when d family need sum coolers, my dad will take us for a movie++)

However, I can’t tolerate with egoistic girls. It is not that I do not find happiness in them but I wouldn’t want to. Remember? ‘When there is a will, there is a way’. I would prefer to avoid the possible unpleasant moments. These girls will keep on following their own way (indirectly a queen control lar) no matter what. They will say this, they will say that, everything is all about them even when I try to soothe some situation, it will end badly (ckp sori salah, x ckp pun salah). Excuse me, I listen to the love ones but not 24/7 because that will make me the recessive ones.
Besides, if I become the only one who swallows the bitter part, then, I am not in a healthy relationship. I would not want to get married and then get divorce just because the girl do not want to admit her fault. Now, that small problem becomes big. It is not about who’s wrong or right but the beauty of tolerating. The give and take policy is important in my life. To me, relationship is always about two persons. When you are super ego, then you are super selfish. It is actually the same to me. So? I am highly contraindicated to ego or selfish girl (I prayed I do not end up with one).

sweet like chocolate ;)

my boo

long lost buddy, found back in HPJ

aisey juls...i didnt haf our pics 2gether..next time, snap 1 ya?

Recently, I went to Symphony in Tropicana to find out more about the piano class. Gosh! I have been waiting for the day. Unfortunately, my fingers are all KAYU! I have to soften it first before start some ‘fingering job’ on the instrument. The instructor says that it is ok to attend but I will take some time. Then I ask “Will it helps if I start playing guitar?”. He replied “Oh yeah! That will be a good start. Go ahead.” I went home straight and called my bro to be my teacher. He was glad that I finally wanting to put effort to learn (b4 tis dah try but x pernah bersungguh2). I didn’t get a new guitar for myself to learn (save the money for something else). So, I use his, which is the electric ones by ESP LTD. OOOO! I love it! It looks really cool. This is what I mean. Even, when you do not get what you aimed for, do not cry for it. Instead, be happy with whatever things you can get, not think over and over again on things that you don’t have. Like the piano class? They can wait.

Oh! Gross…here I am..talking crap again (i wish i cud write like abel..a very fine writer) but im still heppi being me :P huhu..n ya, i need d missing puzzle...haih..

Hapiness, it lies within

2008-07-29T13:36:00.006+08:00

(PART 1: Angel)

A friend of mine told me that her life is completely a cycle of ying and yang. Inevitably, every good thing will be followed by bad thing. Whoah! God must have gone crazy to give then to take back the happiness. I believed, she could just be immature. There is definitely nothing’s wrong with God. Probably, she sees thing only from her view without trying to think laterally. Or she could just failed to appreciate herself. I don’t know. It is wrong for me to judge anyone on earth without knowing her deeply.

TGIF foods from Cikton
smoothies that soothe d heart

happy kids

bday cakes fr YM3

Whatever it is, I am writing this in general. I wouldn’t want to compare my life with others. I am also not interested to compare anyone else’s with others. It is totally has got nothing to do with comparing but just some scenarios for me to keep on writing about happiness. Well, that is still a reflection to my blog theme “Live life to the fullest”. I would like to share this with everyone. It is just a thought to make us happy all the time. I may be wrong but at least it works on me.

Happiness, it lies within. If we can make the most of what we have got, we are happy. We do not need any external influences to be happy. The only person we need to compete with in life is ourselves. It means, appreciate everything in our life. It doesn’t matter if the situation is good or bad. Whatever happens, we can still be happy. I quote from a hadith Al-Muslim - The Phophet s.a.w. said “No one who has even an atom’s weight of pride in his heart will enter paradise”. A man asked him “ What if he likes his clothes and shoes to look good?”. The Prophet s.a.w. replied, “Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Pride means denying the truth and looking down on other people”- So? Accept things sincerely and as it is, then you will appreciate things better than before.

(cadbury fr Kim)
Of course, eternal happiness is when you are close to God, meaning you always do good things more than required. A lot of solat sunat and other things in favour to God. When you have knowledge, you become more pious because you understand and appreciate God’s creation. One day, I would like to tell my children some religious story and teach them adequately about Islam. It is not that I want to delay it or whatsoever. It is just that when I devote, I would like to see myself sticking to the same principle. At the moment, I simply do not trust my ability to go through His tests. I am really afraid if I do it in the fast pace, I would forget some basic principles and drown. ‘Kesederhanaan itu adalah lebih baik’. So, I will do it in a moderate pace. Our Prophet was given the best quality of character but only become a Prophet at the age of 40. There were many reasons behind that story. (if it is wrong for me to say these, then I will remove it from my blog).

I list down some scenarios (nak list semua is infinity kot) where people claimed to be their downturn of glory. Ok. It is not the worst thing but some bad memories, which erased the smile from their face.
1. Divorce
2. Cancellation of marriage
3. Unfaithful partner
4. Failed to pass major exam
5. Studied for 10 year or more but still no degree in hand (changed courses)
6. Death of the loved ones
7. Bankruptcy
8. Poverty

(i had classes but bg pian xde..so, he brought lunch for me- tats wat i call a brother)

Rules no 2: Do not stop and stare. Move on and say to yourself that you need to do better! The success doesn’t come in a fortnight but once you have started working out your plans, you will be running again. m1v1 = m2v2 : so? Once you are happy (or at least bring yourself out from the misery and smile), then you will be happy. Again, it is you.

What about knowing that you are at risk of getting infected with Hepatitis B? That will sound miserable if you keep on thinking negatively especially when you still have more than 30 years to live (on paper). This is a true story of my dear friend who had accidentally putting herself at risk. No, it’s not right to say that. It was needle prick injury not putting. How would you react? How would her life be?

---to b continued

Return of Arra-gorn

2008-07-05T04:56:00.005+08:00

People used to tell me that I am such an arrogant person. Yeah, I admit that since I hardly speak to unknown people. My communication was critically ill but as I grow, it improved gradually. Studying medicine made me realise the importance of having good communication. It was boosted by CUCMS grading. I reflect myself and called for changes. I took every opportunity, which I believed would help making me a better person. Swensen’s brought many positive elements into my life. My perception too had been modified by this place. A lot of physical work and little pay are nothing compared to the experience I had had. I managed to pull myself down to earth by doing some low profile job. Of course, the main objective was to learn about business but it was also on grinding my own affective domain. It is all about courtesy.

“Bt be humble” says Miss Z to me last weekend. It triggered my mind to re-look on myself. I do not take this as a threat or in a negative way. I am young and still in the years of learning. I would not mind to be criticised as long as I believed it is for the better. It could just be a word and nothing intentionally but I took that, as I was not being humble enough. Meaning, there is room for improvement. All that comes at the right time. I am on holiday and it reminds me of my elective course. Without any hesitation, I called my ex-boss and accepted his offer to work for a week. It has never been about the money. I just want to be the doctor who his patients love him very much. I just want to make people happy in any way that I can come out with.

My first day was superbly being welcomed. ‘Zam! Nak makan apa?’ Wah! I was surprised that the kitchen people wanted to cook for me. I remembered those days when I became the only service staff who eats in the kitchen. It is different. Swensen’s has two different managements (Service & Kitchen). I always joined them and makan mcm org merempat dkt dapur tu. Besides unforgettable moments and experience, I get more foods there (Yum Yum! I love to eat!). The two big heads of Swensen’s came to me at different time to ask about medical stuffs. I am glad that both the affective and the cognitive domains are tested. Having the mind to learn, I managed to smile back at those customers who complained about the poor services we had. WoW! That is something new. I was not angry at all. I hope, I will maintain this positive attitude. My mom will be happy if she knows this. She didn’t like me following the footstep of my father in his young age. A fierce father but has become softer after that. Now, I am happy that I actually made effort for myself. It is reaching the end but I am glad to have made use the holiday wisely.

hobbies

2008-07-05T04:41:00.005+08:00

I am so much into Football, Audio-System, Car, Photography and Electronic gadgets. It has been a childhood hobbies and look certain to stay in the heart for long. The only one out from the list was plane or jet-like stuffs. I wanted to become a pilot of either commercial or fighter planes. I applied for the academy before I pursued my education in medicine but I heard nothing about it. I did not put any effort to find out about my application. Intuitively, I deeply believed that my area is not in the air borne. It said ‘medicine is for you’. I will be given the ‘Hand of God’ to help people. It doesn’t require a single cent from me to help people. I agreed and pushed for it and now I am already half the journey.

Nothing beats football (Oh! Really?). I love it. It makes me happy even when I am deeply hurt. I do not understand how it works but it really helps. I felt pressure in Surgery but it ‘depleted’ when we started to play Futsal, even when it was a mixed team. Of course, this time, it was about some individuals who created the negativity in my surrounding. I was stress and prayed to be out from this a.s.a.p. God loves me very much that He answered my prayer. (tp masih buat dosa lagi, Aduh!)

My collection of Audio-System is complete. I am happy with it and not asking for more until I buy a house. That will be different, as some money will go to set up the home theatre. I can sing, play music, watch movies or football with whoever lives there. MP3 or CD player was not in the list since I chose not to hear my mom’s lecture. She will say things over and over again because she doesn’t like those stuffs on my ears. She didn’t want her son to be labelled 'sound trouble' later on.

Car will be something in the future to grab on. I am not really into modifying cars but I prefer to have all sort of cars in the house. Sporty, Sedan, Four wheeled, MPV and small car (MyVi sudah, don’t need a mini minor). It is nice to sit in the sports car and go kai-kai with the special ones. Sedan will be used to drive to work. Four-wheeled is for ‘balik kampung time’ or for the wife to fetch the children from school. Gosh! I love to see that! It also makes her a hot gorgeous wife! MPV is when the family gets bigger. Small car is for you to go shopping. It is easy to fit in the small space when the car park is full. Wah! So many? Can I afford these?

Photography? Once I get my own salary, I will buy the SLR camera for myself. I blamed the damn bloody robber! A few years ago, I was so close of having the SLR camera if it was not because of him/them! Now, it has turn digitalised and even more expensive that I can’t spend for it. Monthly allowance would be cut down if my parents see me buying those stuffs. Once i have it, I will not stopped taking picture of my sweetheart!

Electronic gadgets? It is heaven to have the ‘canggih-canggih’ stuffs. Since the new technology comes every three months, this is my least priority of collection. Handphone is the only thing out from the list. I am somehow not into phones. After all this, I doubt myself about being a millionaire :P How could I when I love to spend? In the future, it will even be worse. Now, I am feeling the heat for the increased petrol. In years to come, many will be felt. Anyway, I will not stop trying. It is satisfying to work and earn then to spend on something you love.

Losing d battle?

2008-06-29T21:36:00.004+08:00

It was a bad week. After three days of meetings, I made a decision to pull out from the proposed event. This is the first time ever I quit the game without fighting for it. It was frustrating that I am no longer as strong as who I used to be. Many things seem to be different. Was it myself, my approach or others’ fault? I will not sit back just to think about it. I am tired of making everyone happy or even trying to do it. It is all about moving with the flow now. No matter what things I am up to, I will not go against the current. I could be thinking, one person will not do any different to the population. Oh shit! How difference can it be if I opt to stick moving in the opposite way? I am only complicating my life and drag it into the negative situations.

Sadly, I had to choose to cancel the drift show. Ops! It was planned to be a carnival instead. Paintball, Minibike and futsal were included for the orphan. Unfortuntely, the flow was not as smooth as we thought. The involvement of MyTV3 doesn’t help to attract some parties. The sponsorship pending and I have no confidence in them to get it on time. It looks like a ‘Misery business’ and I had to pull out for the sake of my group. It was not my call alone. We discussed about it.

I offered myself to them. I called for the new organisation. I tried to look around but failed again to get committed people. Perhaps, God says, it brings more harm than good values to the children. I do not know. I hope, whatever happens is good for every one. I am deeply sorry for giving up on this. This time, i have to accept that i have lost the battle. Ya, sometimes, things do not go our way.

low caste or high caste?

2008-06-04T22:07:00.007+08:00

I have heard people mentioning, this job is for kool people and that job is for kool-lie. Why should there be discrimination? Do the profession teaches us to choose whom to respect? It sounds like we are still in the Stone Age. Let’s talk about the female cabin crew or in layman term stewardesses. How insulting the job can be? I have heard people saying, they are just a cleaner who works onboard. Oh really? How much do you people know about what it takes to be a stewardess? And why compare it to the cleaner? Is cleaning something bad? Hmm.. Anyway, do the cleaner sit for an interview? Do the cleaner sit for exams? Do the cleaner being certified? Do the cleaner learn how to deliver babies during emergency? Can them reply with a smile when being scolded? Can them comfort the passengers during emergency? Do they attend a 4month course valued at RM20k? Do these show the similarities? Should I say, compare it to the medical personnel? What about the nurses? They clean the patient, from his body to his feces and bed. They entertain the patient even when he is categorized as a psycho. They clean the dirt make by doctors. So? Nurses are also a cleaner then. Weird though, I cannot agree that being a stewardess is a piece of shit. How could I?

It is not about winning or debating but something to think about. What if our daughter is a stewardess? Less likely, just because being a doctor we are good in raising our children? Oh! How sure are we to be there 24/7? Tell me, baik sangat ke anak-anak polis? If someone who is very discipline in practising the law can’t even make their children be like themselves, how could we realise that? Train and educate them? Ops! I forgot! I don’t even listen to my parents. How do I make them listen to me? Look at the mirror before insulting people because we would end up insulting ourselves. ‘Mcm org bodoh yg ludah ke langit, kena muka sendiri’. What if our spouse or we die before we could raise her? She would eventually on her own without her parents love. That makes the different. The orphan wouldn’t have as much love as those raised by parents. Then, she chooses to be a stewardess. Wouldn’t we be ashamed to know that from above (heaven/hell)?

We are just human. We don’t even know how our future will be. So, do not say things as we wish just because we think we are ‘perfect’ or good. Allah can twist everything. One day, we might be getting those things if insulting is apart of us. That is even more pathetic. Let’s not forget, we are not doctors, yet. Anything can happen. Doctors are not necessarily good people. Some do smoke, arrogant, promiscuous and many more. We could also be the cause of our patient’s death. ‘Doktor yg jahil ialah doktor yg lalai terhadap pesakitnya’ – Prof ARAR likes to say it. Haven’t we being reminded to do something sincerely, with our heart? Come on. If we respect people then they will also respect us. Every profession has it owns value. Don’t judge a person from her profession. I had a stewardess girlfriend for years but I do not remember having sex with her! Does that explain? Don’t jump into a conclusion without using your brain. Sometimes, it is just ‘sebabkan nila, susu sebelanga rosak’.

I still remember, I used to go in and out of my matriculation campus like no body business. Why? Simply because someone had told the security not to stop me from going out. That person is only a cleaner. Surprised huh? From power-less to power-full. She used to call me to drop at her place, mostly during weekends. She cooked for me. She treated me like her own son. Don’t say she likes me and wants me to marry her daughter because her daughter is already married with one son! Inarguably, there was no hidden intention. She earns very little but willing to spend some just for me even when I am not related to her. That really touched the bottom of my heart. My pocket money almost equalled to her monthly salary, or could have been more.

(dun under estimate hantu gak)

Always try to put yourself into their shoes. I believed, xde siapa yang suka dihina. If you are the stewardess or cleaner, you would say it is unfair. Just because you provide services, it does not mean you give yourself to them. I am not defending anyone. Just a thought for those who read my blog to avoid undervalue anyone. Do APPRECIATE people around us. I was someone who judged people easily. If you just realise what I just realised, then stop the nonsense. One of the reasons why I dyed my hair and worked in a cafe as the elective course was to change my perspective. Whenever people looked down at me because of my hair or the cleaner job, I am very happy. It really teaches me to be humble. My colleague called me the doctor who make ice cream, sweeps the floor and clean the kitchen. It makes me think, there is no big deal being a doctor. I should not discriminate people instead help them as far as I could. The people in the café, they have various background but all show a lot of respect. They appreciate all the customers. Why? Because the people give them every opportunity to keep their job. No customer no job.

No matter what her profession is, a cleaner or a stewardess, will not suggest bad people. They deserve some respect like every other creature. Most of us will get married one day and have children. Let see, who will they be in the future. Stop criticising people. We are only making out a fool of ourselves. We may be laughing now but do not forget, it can be the other way round in the future. Start appreciating people around us regardless of their profession. Do not rule out the possibility of an unemployed person to help us even when it involves money. We may not realise the importance of a person now but one day, our enemy can be the saviour for tomorrow. Think about it.

(1st perception: promoting justea, reality:future doctor with a biochem degree)

Drift in charity event???

2008-05-25T21:20:00.002+08:00

It is getting more popular now. Some may say it is ridiculous but I strongly believe, there are more positive values to bring on drifters to the charity event. I managed to call up some drifters to be apart of ‘my team’. Comes July 2008, YM3 will be organising a day with the orphan. We will have ‘makan2’, ‘borak2’ and outdoor activities. To make it more interesting, the kids will have an opportunity to watch some drift show, to get into the car and many more. The drifters will be giving some talk to stress on the importance of religion, education and the needs to follow the rule. They will also be donating blood. The orphan will be exposed to medical and automotive industries. In my personal view, the kids can be either obedient or aggressive. Therefore, it is good to involve people from 2 contra life (doctor & drifter/racer) who stick to the same objectives. At least, they will listen to the ‘drifters’ if they are not interested to listen to the ‘future doctors’. Besides, it may guide them to the proper way in ‘misusing the roads’. We are trying to come out with something to make the kids to be an open-minded person. It is just another effort to ‘save’ the orphan from drowning without guidance. Ya, it is only a one-day event, but a meaningful ones. Insyaallah. Pray a successful event for us. (Young Mercy 3, Batch 2005/06)
Check out for the detail of the event in late June or early July.
Any suggestion? Pls mail it to us. We’re working hard on it. Tq

Investment

2008-05-23T16:43:00.004+08:00

As the newly appointed financial advisor to the family, I am delightful to say that I have moved a step further in life. I am throwing myself into a more adventurous and joyful era. After being exposed on finance for many months, my parents have finally opened every detail of their past 1 year transactions and their future investment plans. Yeah, we are not rich but we always come out with something to assure that money shortage will never been an issue. Of course, I have no rights on their $$$ but I am quite influential on decision making. Perhaps, that is the quality in every 1st child. It is not that they listen to me but we agree on the same relevant information. Great minds think alike. I am managing more things now and enjoy the current role especially when money matters. I like it when the investment shows positive sign. I do not see but I do sense every opportunity that comes. It reminds me of my late grandfather of mother’s side. He made million quietly. I am being so arrogant about myself. Why shouldn’t I? I have proved it many times, at least to myself. I have made a bunch of it with little money. Sounds illogical? Well, everyone has the right to speak but those closely related people know best about me. It is time to be extrovert rather than introvert. Shut the reasons because what lies ahead is more important. No doubt there are many things that I do not know. I am learning and will not stop moving forward. It goes back to the basic. If others can do, why can’t I?

Investment involves everything. It is not just about luck or being intuitive but it is also require analytical and critical thinking. When you analyse means you use your eyes and your mind more than your mouth. It is positive. Speak only when needed. I still remember Prof Nasa’s words, ‘to be a good doctor, you need to be a good observant’. I am not forcing myself to change but just opt to remind myself not to go overboard at times. Ya, I had enough with some people. When I told them it was wrong to do and bla bla bla, they ended putting the blame on me. What else can I say when I was punished for giving my view to improve certain situations? I realised that some superior just do not need to be advised. He wants us to keep quiet and allow the damage to be done. It teaches me, that if it ever happens again, all I need to do is to prepare myself to minimise the consequences. That will help to avoid a miserable life as a result of others’ fault. I am far from being great but optimist. My dad like to say ‘never ever think you are good because in reality there are many more who is better than you’. Besides, it will make you floating and forgetting about your basis. It makes you become evil. It diverts your goals in life. Power, felt at any level is the great corrupter of the soul. I am aware of all these. I am short of someone who can keep me on the great track closely but I still have my mom to teach me.

Investment is secondary to my profession but the mind is happy when you have more money. It is like almost everything in this world. Just name it. You will get almost everything. If not, you can use visa or mastercard. Hehe. I am on long term planning which will put me in a comfortable situation once I graduated. Insyaallah. I do not want to be like some people who will only start to think about making money later, which to me are considered losing sum amount between the years. The earlier I become rich, the earlier I can start giving to the poor and at least, the higher chances to share it with my parents. Better still, I can travel to many countries to enjoy their food and culture. Then I can dream to own a supercar. Ferrari F430, Aston Martin DB9 or Audi R8. However, that is not a necessary. I would prefer to have more money than materials. It annoys me if I go to a place with an empty wallet. It restricts my move! I am not on one or two but three plans. What will happen if things are going to the wrong end? I do not know but in everything I do, I have the contingency plan and sufficient amount to compensate the loss. I pray and work very hard to get the blessing in every of my move. It will reach to a level, which money is the least priority thing in life but at this moment, it stays topping the list. I take it as a stepping-stone towards achieving more important things. Do pray for my success. Thank you.

Great ones,im honoured

2008-05-13T22:45:00.007+08:00

The first weekend in surgery posting, I am pleased with how the weekend turned out to be. YM 3 with some of YM 4 group members chilled out on Friday night in Malacca town. We had dinner as well as supper around the shopping mall with movie marathon. Should I say illegal movie marathon? Hmm.. It was a midnight show for ‘Iron Man’ before we sneaked in the next room to view some part of ‘Speed Racer’. It was unintentional but as soon as we entered the room, it became intentional. I sleep like mad that night, completely awake at 12noon sharp. There was a ‘walkathon’ in Terendak camp in the morning but since I was permitted to skip it, I sweetly relaxed my body and mind on the bed. Then, I spent the rest of the time watching movies on tv. I wondered, why are all the movies about ‘anak derhaka’? Then only I realised, Sunday is a ‘Mother’s day’. I quickly took my phone and wished the love ones. I woke up early the next morning to attend ‘Hari Ulangtahun ke-41 Kor Kesihatan’. We were the honorary guests and were treated like big names even though there was no lecturers turn up. The climax of the show was when they used M-16 and fire to the sky. Each of us was surprised that the guns were actually loaded. Then, we had a photography session with Dr. Azmi, Dr. Azlan, The President and Major Faiz, the astronaut. I am also happy that we have finally agreed to cook dinner. Now, I am less concern about how much MSG in my body since we will start eating homemade dishes. It will also help to reduce my stress level since I enjoy cooking. Most of the utensils were taken from Abang Pian’s relatives nearby. We had ‘Sambal Udang Petai’ and omelette for the first dinner. Good start, keep it up gang!

Clueless or clue-less?

2008-05-04T05:19:00.008+08:00

On the verge of a decisive moment, before I took the wrong move, I was hammered by sceptical thought. What is there to rush on? Why should I think negatively about ambiguous situations? Wouldn’t it be great to have some if not the big picture of the situation? I am glad to have called the ‘little sis’! The conversation was meaningful, as it had opened the partially blinded eye. I should have reserved some room for myself. True enough, we need to care for our own heart deeply because no one care that much. Haha! I guess things will get nasty if it continues to be this way. I was highly motivated by ‘little sis’ and will not raise the white flag up until there is no more to offer. It is simple and very straightforward. The mind needs to be neutral before anything. Next is to be amble in applying the plans. I will do it thoroughly and carefully without any avoidable mistakes. At the moment, all I need is luck!

will be back on Sunday...haih..

2008-05-02T01:44:00.007+08:00

its just a few days away before i return to the dark BLUE hometown..its difficult to say, but i think, i would be again, a mixed feeling...but its not about the runaway friends...its about the difficult friends...i dont know how wud i b confronting them..haih...its so pening! aduh! mcm mana nak layan mangkuk2 nih semua??? they r sooo out of their mind!! how can u smsing and talking using d lovvy duvvy words to a person of d same gender! goooosh! if gegirl xpelar..ini boboy...asked me to keep tis as secret lar, itu lar, ini lar...oh my God! wat is happening??? its not oni d soldier but oso d hospital staffs! okay...fine...its 1 staff actually...tat i know...

hes so yukky! he is already 40+ but yet, stil into this shit??? tolonglah...how do i manage this type of ppl??? kang kalau report, ill b in trouble...he cud b using all his network to find fault at me...then there goes my posting...dahlar kena mark time public health hari tu sbb commenting on lecturers attitude..now, nak kena ngan hospital plak??? waaaahhh!!! tak bley tak bley...aduh...

these ppl r pathetic..confuse or conflict?? God has created women for men. It is a wonderful gift from heaven that needs no one to criticise it. Why would there b any confusion in gender determination? Isn't biological relevant enough to show which group you belong? How can we help these people? Or what is actually our responsibility as a human? Nowadays, it is nearly impossible not to find one 'half-half' in an area. Suprisingly, Malacca or specifically around the hostel's area is highly contaminated with these confused people. LAst year, there was even a beauty pageant for the transexual people recognition. Yucks! Has the world coming closer to its end? Aduh! yg lagi pening..how am i gonna face all this when the class start??? Tell me...

Try something new

2008-05-01T19:06:00.002+08:00

If a certain situation is over, then let it be over. Stop hitting replay in your memory. It's time to eject that disk and move onto something new. You have tried, it’s not that you have given up. If nothing else, at least notice how many times you think about it today. (01/05/08)

Updates on 2008 short-term goals set in Oct 2007

2008-05-01T19:05:00.002+08:00

I went slightly ahead of the time. It was awesome to have achieved, I suppose 80% of the goals. I started pretty well possibly due to the good analysis on which goals to complete first. Anyhow, it was not the smart brain but instead was His blessing. I prayed to Him to smooth my long-term goals. 20% left on the paper does not mean that I will start forgetting or taking it for granted. I am discipline enough to finish the task but will settle the 10% by June and to leave another 10% throughout the year. It means that, I should be able to complete the final 10% by December 2008. My mind is much more relax now and I am back being a teenager. (01/05/08)

It's time to change

2008-05-01T18:58:00.005+08:00

There were so many thoughts about upset events in my life. I have been wondering where the mistake started or which words blow the lights off? It could be due to the insensitive or negligence towards certain individual I believed could be entertained later. The utmost logical and relevant step I should be taking soon with full consideration of surrender is to change the whole ‘retarded mind’. This goes by saying, scrapping off the negative and replacing it with the respected beliefs. Why and what for? We can’t make everyone happy since nobody is the same. What about being secondary or primary? Does that really exist? I don’t know and will never know if I keep on stressing about it. It is important to have put the priority towards the love ones but we do not say or ask this from matured people. They are wise enough in what to give and to whom? Only ‘kanak2 ribena’ will want it deeply. It reflects the insecurity of a person. No doubt, I had been grown up pampered in many aspects but not spoiled. I should have done better in managing certain avoidable situations. Of course, I have said to only think if I find it necessary or to have found the right person but when will the search for perfection will stop? How perfect I want it to be? Isn’t the perfect ones is myself? Oh! What have I done? Am I living to create a human being like me? Gosh! That is pathetic!

I realised about it a long ago but refused to look into this since I know, things are easy come and easy go. I am close to 23 and should be thinking about life in balance. Therefore, I think, the time to change has come. It is a paradigm shift and is not a resolution. Though, it doesn’t mean I have to support PKR and dumb BN. Personally, it is about time for changes in myself for the better ones. The most important thing is to look into various perspectives. Which? The most suitable options best suited with the people around us. Does it mean change for someone? Indirectly yes but simply to have a beautiful life. It satisfies me if I could make the sweet ones to be happy and not grumpy. I know, girls are better in making and creating wonderful moments but with an extra effort, the guys are capable too. It is all about what the heart and mind say. You want it? There is always a way.

It was in the wee hours and my mom had said to me “the best life of all life is to be happy and enjoy doing things we love”. The best thing on earth is best shared. It is better to have just roti canai on 2days trip of holiday without a fight or quarrel compared to makan besar but argue too much. Certainly, I am not touching any religion issue here. Then, I looked at the 2 baby squirrels of mine. They were running and jumping, playing with each other in the cage. They were not living in the best place but they did come out with something. They appreciate everything they have and make the best out of it for happiness. I am not studying the animals but just happen to view them from different way. Am I giving too many spaces for others and take the blame? It does not matter to me since I always believe in God. He had created the good ones for the good people and vise versa. Again, it is all about the balance.

If we ever change for someone, never complain of what we do not receive. Somehow, the time for us to get what we wanted will come. I am stuck thinking about someone I adore. Will it benefit me to change for her? I do not know and dare to say that I am not ready to lose anything. The only important thing is to stop the nonsense. From there, I can start doing other things. What if she hasn’t got much interest like I do? It doesn’t matter I guess. After all, we can only plan and God always has the final say. I do not see her throwing any hints of attraction but who cares anyway as long as I am not ruining other people’s relationships. It surprised me that I actually have a serious thought about this. Well, she is the girl of my first interest. I hadn’t gone after someone. Really. The previous relationship I had is all about the odds. It means that I made the girls went after me just to win the bet of the day among my friends or cousins. Sadly to say, I had never wanted a girl before. However, the feeling now is much different compared to the past. If this is love then what about the past? That confused me. Perhaps, it is just another love but initiated from deep inside of my heart. This could be the sincere ones unlike the previous experience.

Why am I talking as though she is so great in my eyes? There are some negative things also in her. Again, I am confused. How could I be willing to adapt? How could I be willing to change myself? Possibly, the negative ones are very minor and the positive values in her that concerned me the most. Am I ready to accept challenges and go after her? Am I equipped with tonnes of money? The key of success is the key to the girl’s heart. Good girls want the guys to understand her more than to materialise her. I should be looking into this view without hesitation. The time for a change has come. All I need to do is to change and not asking her to change for me. If she is meant for me, then, I will eventually get her no matter how little she sees me doing things for her because the hardest thing to do is to change oneself. It is consider as sacrifice. Another meticulous moved by me :)That’s why I called her ‘Mermaid’. She brought the wave of changes. (30/04/08)

Surgery O' Surgery

2008-05-01T18:54:00.004+08:00

It is the posting that I am eager to start even before its introduction. It is not about a lighter posting but the positive perceptions on the lecturers. Dr. Ahmed and Brig. Gen. Dr. Azlan are two knowledgeable practitioners equipped with the best medicine on earth that is laughter. They like to laugh even at some lame jokes. Though I haven’t started my training under them but I absolutely believe, it will turn as good as expected. I had a good experience in internal medicine and hope the coming posting will be even better.

The first exposure I had to both of them was in the Operation theatre (O.T.) on 28 April 2008. It was exactly a week away from the posting to commence. I had herniaraphy done on me in an hour. It was the first cut by lancets on my body, which has got to be stitched. I was paraplegia for more than 6 hours. It was an experience not to be forgotten to have felt how do the paralyse people feel. I had an acute urinary retention as a complication of the spinal anaesthesia. The moment I could urinate again was a satisfying feeling. I didn’t know to pee adalah satu nikmat.

My thought has changed since I joined CUCMS. I barely trust other doctors than my own lecturers. It may be the 2 previous poor experience I had in the last 3 years. That was why I decided to do it in Terendak Hospital than the proposed one, SJMC. I rather spend some money than going to the nearer hospital (SJMC ada insuran cover but not HAT 94). I have a lot of confident and motivated to do it under them. I was lucky to have my mom around from morning till night. She had taken care of me very well. I was totally like a baby who craved for attention. She did everything for me from a-z. I could not imagine myself going through all these things alone. At the end of the day, mother’s love is a wonderful and great one. I had non-stop visitors from the staff nurses to the student nurses and the patients in the ward. Interestingly, many of them called me doctor. Thank you very much to the people who prayed for me to get well soon. I had a tremendous improvement in the second day. (29/04/08)

Back to Heaven

2008-05-01T18:36:00.011+08:00

Home sweet home. The house is so unique and powerful which attract positive elements to myself. No matter how great a holiday trip is, a full satisfaction could only be obtained from the home we owned. It could be the parents or the siblings. It could be something that we have adapted for a long time. I don't know. Perhaps, I would compare it to the toilet we use everyday. Of course, the thing I hate to do at a living place is to clean the toilet. I always look for the minimum time to spend in there regardless of how clean or beautiful it could be. I simply hate it. However, I use the same toilet in every place I go. I am quite confident to say that most of us are doing the same thing. If there were 5 cubicles or 5 toilets at different floor, the probability of us using the same toilet we firstly entered is very likely. This excludes the ‘emergency’ call. There are also chances that we see the toilet from the outside before we decide to use it. When there is no chemistry, we will find other toilets that suit us. Later, when we need to use it on other days, we will end up going to that chosen ones. It may sounds ‘funny’ but very true indeed. So, wherever we go, home is still the best living place to be in.

My holiday started earlier than I thought. It was suppose to be good news but I had mixed feeling about it. None of my friends are available, not even the Subangs’. I usually feel very pleased to have holiday and will look for someone before anyone else but it didn’t happen this time. Since we had made some decisions with mutual consent, I ended being alone. I could not figure what actually had happened but somehow, it was another step taken. The best companion I had for the past few days was my audio system in my car. I am glad to have bought it even it costs me a price. It helped to release some tense situation. In the 2nd day, I had a time off in IKEA after so long. It was great but I missed a chance to do something there a couple of weeks earlier. Anyway, I had my dinner there. It was ‘chicken leg with lemon sauce’ or anything close to that (x ingat lar nama meal tuh).My all time favourite are pouched salmon and meatballs. The have good coffee as well. Tapi kesian giler, I had to eat it alone. I had done it many times but that day was different. I felt very much down but was relieved when I had things in mind to buy in the next visits. I simply love home décor and creative outcomes. It is the art of making use everything we have to make the best out of it for self-satisfaction.

Out of nowhere, I had difficulty to sleep. I could be thinking too much that is above the sky. I had a peek to myself and had become clueless towards it. Am I a bad guy? Am I ever satisfied with things I had been receiving? Am I being thankful to God? Am I appreciating people around me? Am I being obsessive towards some things? Am I worried of unnecessary things? There were so many questions in my head yang memang tak bley blar. Ntah apa giler ntah dok fikir benda2 camni. Aduh! All I know, I am a teenager who is only 23 and not someone who is physically 23 but mentally 33. It does not mean I am neglecting my future. I do think to prepare myself for the coming years. I had even done 80% of things I had set last year. I am referring to the short-term goals for long-term use. It differs from the long-term goals which I have in minds. I am happy that it goes as it planned but earlier than I thought. It was helped indirectly by someone who I care for. I was being motivated to achieve it a.s.a.p. but do not expect to lose anything at this moment. I was wrong and speechless of what had happened. At the end of the day, I questioned myself, is it me, the situations or ??? Since I take my mom’s word deeply, I blamed myself for the bad ones. I vowed to look into this matter and do the necessary changes. It is not only about adapting but also about making it as a 2nd nature. It brings no harm. I am pleased to have great family and friends to share my heart with. I am waiting, all of you, cepat lar be around. (24/04/08)

Thank you God!

2008-03-31T19:03:00.003+08:00

Thank you God! for everything… my life is getting better and better each day. No doubt, the obstacle that I have to go through is getting tougher but having the mind of great people, I am surely will be one of those who succeed without leaving behind Your words, Insyaallah. Please bless my journey and give me strength to care continuously. Let the world be as it is but please give me the aura that can improve others’ pain. Ameen.

Infirmary, Internally oriented

2008-03-31T18:52:00.003+08:00

29 March 2008: It’s the fourth weekends of Internal medicine posting and it means I’m already half way leaving an interesting block. The learning reminds me of a 110 metre hurdles event where, there are 10 hurdles to go over before reaching the finishing line. It is not easy but also never been hard to complete the race. There was once, that I had to run with an injured leg during the MSSS competition. I would have limped out to reserve pride but I opted to complete the race even when it took twice the winner’s timing. It was the effect of the rules ‘nothing is impossible in this world’ which I have had in mind for many years. Besides, it does not look nice to do something incomplete.

Studying internal medicine means you have to know about everything, from the art of clerking to applying scientific information. Busy and hectic but splendid live. Hospital has become a home at late. Nothing is new. The priority is the patient’s condition and their needs. A doctor must do not think only about himself especially the product of CUCMS. We have been taught well by our beloved lecturers to be nice to people. No matter how much obstacles ahead, we must not surrender and to lose without fights. We must always give the best for everyone and not be the ‘jahil’ doctor (adoi! nnt kena jawab dgn Tuhan, dahlar mati sorang2, xbley nak tgk jawapan).

I have many things in hands to review. Only Abg. Pian is around accompanying me finishing some important works. The target is obvious, that is to be free and to avoid unwelcome pressure before exam. I’m changing for the better future. It is the beginning of the new phase in my life. I am hunger for more success.
camni lar abg pian looking after me

End of 'crisis'

2008-03-23T18:10:00.003+08:00

It sounds terrible to be spending two months receiving a lot of unseen or unclear education. It was seriously a ‘dark ages’ in my clinical years. Worse still, it was at the beginning of the clinical years. I am not aware how much has it affect me but the consequences of this terrible dictatorship are still playing over my head. It was obvious to see the hypocrites who claimed to be pious people had oppressed me and some other friends. It is a shit isn’t it? I pray to Allah, please open their eyes and show the sins they have done on innocent people who were there only to gain knowledge. It is not just a thought or believes but something that had happened. I shared it with many others and have got a video showing how much an outsider, a half century lady being unhappy with those people.

I believe God in total. I believe He will protect me from human with the evil face. I would not worry because they will get the punishment later. They can do anything but I would like their actions to be reflected. It is not about grudge but it is about the pride of YM3 in general. I would want God to show the public that we were at the good side. I would want the public to understand that we did not simply trying to go overboard. It was all about justice.

Now, it has been four weeks I am out of the manmade ‘Hell’. I am in Terendak, living in a resort without space to cook, machine to wash own clothes and privacy. Only air-cond is 24 hours but it is not a necessity to me since I don’t on my aircond at home. So, the air-cond doesn’t make any difference. I am disappointed about the inability to stay on my own for better equipment. I end up swallowing other people’s mistake and to bear with it.

However, the education here is much different, relevant and better. I spent a lot of time in the hospital polishing my clinical skills. The patients are mostly co-operative. Perhaps, the chemistry is formed through the same political interest. Hehe. It’s the Blue homeland here. The lecturers are great and fun. Special praised to Prof. Rashid and Kolonel Dr. Azmi. I have learnt so much in this short period of time. Of course, Prof is the one to be afraid of, but his words are all about building great doctors. I quote some of his words ‘Knowledge is whether u know it or u know how to find it fast’ and ‘In life, if something goes wrong means u have forgotten the basic principles’. Meanwhile, Kolonel is the one that provides security and fun. His positive personality makes everyone enjoy to be under him. I did not have to pretend being someone else. He is just like Prof Nasa without his big laughs.

Public hell, not public health...

2008-01-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

I have heard lecturers talking about how much fun they had during the posting. They communicate bilaterally with the community and enjoy an unforgettable experience. However, those are just an illusion for group YM3. The scenario is much different and personally I would call it a disaster. Supervised by an inexperience academician who says punctuality is important to determine the quality of a doctor but did not practise whatever he has said. It is not about commenting or giving negative feedback but I am afraid to have losing some respect on certain individuals. We were questioned many times by the hospital staffs why did no one mention about our visit. Is it our fault for the last minute information? One thing for sure, we look like a beggar who starves for sympathy. Adding to the miserable days is to employ a ‘nonsense’ lecturer. It has never been wrong to take the sphygmomanometer and practise but that no longer happen. She seems to be ‘extraordinary’.

And who would be so out of their mind to reject a simple proposal for 5 times? How could you comment on it when u just receive the report and have not even looked through it? How could two lecturers giving two contra opinions on improving the report writing? How could someone say we did not do our work when we spend most of the time completing the report? Why did he say ‘don’t humiliate the group’s name by flirting with the participant’s daughters ’. Did he forget about professionalism? Every of us understand the limits of doctor-patient relationship. Besides, I have designed my own scope in choosing girls. Damn! We are also lagging behind in implementing our own project. Thanks to him for being M.I.A. a couple of times. Oh God! Please do something. Am I resilient enough to go through something that is much contra to the previous exposure I had in CUCMS? Where is the touch of a dedicated lecturer who cares for his student? Where is the sense of flexibility in shaping good doctors? Where is the sign of appreciation? All I saw in this frustrating block was dictatorship with a lot of hypocrisy.

Please stop it...

2007-11-17T16:59:00.001+08:00

Sometimes, I miss the environment studying with the Chinese. They hardly create stories or interfere into other’s personal matter. Critically sounds discriminative but I speak with basis. ‘Kiasu’ makes those people work hard for their self-satisfaction, which lead to a guaranteed positive outcome. They have no time to gossip on unnecessary issues. Having spent the whole 3-years (including matriculation) in Malay culture, I saw a significant different. The only dissappointment is too much of care. It is annoying to hear people talking about each other’s life and worse still, creating stories as well as making use of other’s name. It is terrible when you get bang out of nowhere. Kononnya, I say this, I say that. Truthfully, I don’t get it. Why can’t we live normally as in, share the happiness with everyone? Ini tidak, orang duduk senyap-senyap pun ada jugak yang buat cerita tak betul. Please! Give me some space to breathe! Jangan ganggu boleh tak? I nak duduk diam-diam, enjoying every beautiful moment in my life with whoever I want to share. Oh! Btw, this isn’t about girls.

Sutera 1-1-5

2007-11-17T16:33:00.000+08:00

I do not know how to thank the ‘original penghuni of Sutera 1-1-5’. Time flies. I had stayed there for nearly 2 months. Seriously, I almost rent a room in Cyberia just for the sake of Professional exam. There were many things in my mind and I did not want to end up being a lone ranger. It will increase the possibility of me being a psycho who lives like a stone with bricks around me! I loitered and shamelessly asked these people a favor. I requested the hall and offered to be included in any living expenses. I did not see any look of hesitation; instead these two words ‘stay lar’. It was a little surprise as their house was fully occupied. Who will accept another creature in the house when there were already various characters to dwell with? They refused to collect the house rental but to pay only the utility bills showed how incalculative they are. Worse still, lazy bump like me who allergy to dust never clean the house. Toilet? Never touch the brush! Car wash and laundry are the only washings I can tolerate with! I am uncomfortable with ‘wet surfaces’ (oooh! How sure am I???). That is why I dislike shaking hands with Malik! His hands 24/7 sweat! Thank God, the people here take cleanliness as important as other responsibility. I would have paid a cleaner to clean the house if everyone as annoying as I am. Thank you Zaimi, Adi, Adli, Boss, Bapak, Haris, Apek, Afiq and Keke.
toilet yg ada 'sinar'
this is wher my shit ends
before discussion
mini library???
when the people landed!

I brought along my old habit when I moved in that is to stay there only during the weekdays. I have tried till the last week (Pro Exam week) to stay during the weekend but yet still failed to keep my foot there. Gosh! I did not know what am I missing. I simply love homey! Perhaps, sticking around the family makes me feel secure and boost my confidence. I do not know what will happen later when we start our clinical posting. Though it scattered but having failed to avoid returning to the little heaven each weekend for two years ++ make me worried. This raised a question to myself, since when I am so dependent? Whatever it is, the continuous support from the family what matters most. I enjoy these moments like a never-ending story. Well, better grab while you can!
welcome to sutera 1-1-5
illegal parking space :P
gud home to live in
full house especially after subuh prayers---

year 2008

2007-10-22T16:55:00.000+08:00

Someone said to me, “you are a student who gets very little from your parents, how much can you spend on me?”. That surprised me a lot! I could not imagine my effort was left ignored. I settled her debt, car installment, house rental and even more. Did she realise these? I am not equipped with tonnes of money, but at least, my sincerity to help others is true. God is fair enough. He had repaired all the damages and now, I am very happy to see the outcomes. My savings got quadrupled since then! Hooray! 2008 is the year that I am looking forward with a lot of focus to double the joy. More to come and I always believe that the ending is always better than the beginning. And I know, I have a great mind and enough knowledge to make me a millionaire in the future. It is just a matter of time to put me in that position.

Don’t care but....care

2007-10-10T10:10:00.000+08:00

I have adapted to this policy for quite some time. It invites more positive situations rather than the negative ones to me. The statement can be confusing and misleading but relevant. One day, Bell asked me to define it but in split second I became expressive aphasia. Tetiba ada plak gangguan bekalan elektrik in my Broca’s area. I ended d topic as my mind had gone into the sleeping mode.

The following day, I saw Uchnana status on YM. It was written “baked butter chicken + sambal udang petai + kerabu taknak taugeh”. Wahhhhh!!! I was quite excited to find another person who hates taugeh! Kita satu geng! But while I was trying to sleep, teringat plak pasal taugeh nih...Eh! I find it incomplete not to have taugeh in Popia or Japenese foods. So, it sparked me about yesterday’s statement ‘don’t care but care’ tu.

When I said I don’t care, somehow I have to care jugak..sama lar, even though I hate taugeh so mmmmuuch, I still love it on different occasions. Hehehe... The thing is, bukan guer enggak mau kisah or being sensitive toward others. Just, it is annoying when I care for them but they do not bother to listen. Tu yg geram sangatttttt! Pastu biler ada masalah datang terhegeh-hegeh minta tolong. When I refuse to, buat masam muka la pulak. Apakah??? Menaikkan tensi ke tahap maximum! Haish….

Of course I don’t expect them to follow my opinions 100% but tolonglah at least consider to think bout it. Ni takde, reject bulat2. Kalau dah rasa idea sendiri bagus sangat, kenapa datang minta tolong? Suka bangat buang masa guer. Like I have nuthin better to do. However, since my profession is all about caring, mmg x dpt nak elak lah. My parents have beautifully raised me with a lot of care. Lagi2 plak, belajar kat CUCMS yg bermoto kan ‘nurturing the passion to care’. So, I am equipped with triple dose of care! Wahhh!!! But after some experience I had gone through, I choose which matter to care and which matter to ignore. It is hard to apply but I alwiz say to myself “nevermind, God is there to help them, i can't please everyone all d time, i'm a human too”.

What’s her problem?

2007-10-07T13:50:00.000+08:00

Would u come into someone’s life and give comments on his writing without giving salam? When she doesn’t even know you and far from being a friend? Sometimes, all these things make me wonder, how do girls have so much of time interfering into other’s life? Why can’t they just mind their own business? I don’t entertain craps but if it falls to be my duty to consult her, then I wouldn’t mind to spend some time. At least, I give my best to help her going out from the negative space, which allow her viewing the bigger and better picture of the situation. What’s wrong with adding her as a friend on friendster? When she messages me through the same page? Why did she reply with more pathetic words? Is she a psycho? Why did I entertain her at the first place? Perhaps, I have no problem dealing with these kinds of attitude people. I have seen many throughout my life. Anyhow, the more she writes to me, the more awful she becomes. Did she realise about herself showing more and more weaknesses??? Good luck to her

Optimistic or Pessimistic

2007-10-03T18:51:00.000+08:00

Occupying the 7th placing in the recent sports carnival jogathon indicated that the time to let go the stubbornness of winning has arrived. It is a consecutive fall after I had attended the time trial for SIPMA. The time I clocked was far behind my personal best due to the lack of work out for many years. I am aware of the below par fitness, although I was named to take part in 200m and was the back up runner of 4x100m. Realistically, being 22 signalised the end of tough physical activity and the start of more mental response.

<-- stop jogging kejap juz to take pic wit faha n dae hehe:P

The sweetness of holding some records in school competition and the chance to conquer district level along the years in secondary school as well as to run bearing the name of ‘Selangor’ in my peak years is no more than a memory. I shall endeavour on academic matters and creatively taking my mental ability onto the highest peak. Of course, I am not talking about being geeky but to find other fields that suit with age. These all need to be analysed and considered for the sake of bringing out the best of me. Experimental trial is not harmful in fact it matures a person uniquely. Sometimes, we must do the thing that we think we cannot do.

TRU

2007-09-25T17:40:00.000+08:00

We had a wonderful weekend together before TRU left Malaysia for United States. A trip to PD, midnight barbeque and bowling games in Seremban is still fresh in my head. There were too many to mention but having to experience the Tsunami-like situation in the wee hours was terrifying. All of us fell asleep after long hours of chit chatting and ‘makaning’. Suddenly, the sea hit the shore fiercely followed by thunderstorms and strong winds. We shouted each other’s name and responded quickly by moving to the side. We reacted by saying TSUNAMI! It was inevitable but we decided to stay calm. The sea was still many metres away and we would have time to realise if it was a real Tsunami threat. So, we packed our stuff and as the situation looked better, we wandered around the city.

The next morning, we moved to a different place at the other end of PD. Nanifilz and TRU prepared breakfast while R.E. unpacked some stuff from the car. Zamilatos was drowning, fascinated the beauty of the beach and I was sitting, enjoying the food. Just before we left the place, Nanifilz and I carried TRU and threw him into the sea. It was the last bully meant for the coming two years. Then, we dropped by Jusco Seremban2 for some entertainment. We had him a nice Giordano shirt with KLCC picture on it. Hopefully, he would not forget Malaysia is the best place on earth to live in. There were our signatures on the top right corner at the back of the shirt.

All of us have designed our routes for at least the next two years. Although it is early to say who will first settle down, that does not stop us from keep on fighting, positively chasing the pack of successful people. All missions are the same, nevertheless we are in different fields. Truthfully, we work to earn. With bucks of money, you have the world on your side. Through that you gain the fame, people highlight your words and they are willing to help regardless how big your problem is. The world today is such, we care less on the situation; instead we are concerned about who we are involved with. I strongly wish that my opinions were wrong. This will provide a stable platform for peace and humanity. No more discrimination or difference in status.

Season 2007/08

2007-09-25T17:31:00.000+08:00

Awesome Torres really gets his feet on the ground. Intelligent Voronin creates chances for others. Hardworking Benayoun gets slips from his marker’s view. Babel who? Some merciful donation to Ajax worth 11million? Looks likely. If Liverpool keeps on playing with minimal intention to shoot the goal, then Rafa’s rotation policy is just a waste of time. Why would we want fresh legs if the players spend 90 minutes running in their own half or just around the penalty box? Why does no one acts like Gerard, Riise or Agger? Send rockets to the goal instead of flowering around. If the form continues, Rafa can forget about getting his hands on the Premiership trophy. They look certain to be a strong contender just for 3rd placing behind MU and Arsenal.

Nurin

2007-09-24T18:49:00.000+08:00

There is little to comment as the whole Malaysia deeply sympathise on the tragic incident. We share the same hatred to the killer and want him to be punished. If I were the King, I would want him to be executed in front of the public. Let us pray and recite Al-Fatihah for her with hopes no more of such cases should happen again in the future.

Mour-no-more

2007-09-24T18:44:00.000+08:00

It is sad to hear Mourinho had left Chelsea after some communication breakdown with the team’s management board. He had contributed a lot in the English games. Ever since his arrival along with Rafa Benitez, the game’s standard has incredibly increased. There were no more 2 horse-race but a 4 horse-race. It is hard to admit but the reality is people fear Chelsea the most. Now, everything has gone. I would be missing reading articles on the net on his comments as well as his refutation with Rafa. I strongly believed Chelsea is out for the race this season as no one can continue what Mour had built. He has got the character and the key of his winning team was his player’s understanding that he bridged synchronically. It is the end of excellence and condolences to Abramovich the owner.

relax babes!

2007-09-19T16:37:00.000+08:00

hey juns, chocaadicter and uchnana...
dun b so mean saying those things to me...
chill lar...i did mention that u ppl r supportive enuf...
i love u ppl...not directing to u at all...
juz to make another controversial statement....hehe :P
besides, its juz to open up some eyes...
which at times make my move restricted...
i enjoy being myself...i enjoy talking to everyone...
but wat spoil d day is d so called lovie-duvie words...
and oso rumours which circulating freely...damn!
its never been bout whos hot or whos not...
its bout freedom to communicate...
its bout being myself!
pls ya..i dun simply say..ive got proof...so me no perasan!
n thank u nabel :D u so sweet!

CUCMS gals...

2007-09-05T01:46:00.000+08:00

Why do many if not most CUCMSians are pathetic when it comes to social activities? What makes d girl think they are so beautiful? I really dun understand why do they make so much of noise when I communicate with them tru sms? Ym? U name it.. For God sake, the choices I have back to my home are so much bombastic & bodylicious! I hang out at any time even late at nite is permissible. I can do anything I want but tat stil doesn’t mean im into them. They understand it well. Unlike CUCMSians! You ppl so much of self-induced emotion (perasan) ! Wake up and smell d coffee! Thankfully, my batch mates truly know me.

CuCmS d BeSt!

2007-07-23T17:23:00.000+08:00

The jokers of CUCMS lined up for Cyberjaya Badminton Championship last Saturday. We were underdog having been in the same group as MP Sepang and Bomba. With the mentality of ‘Malaysia Boleh’ we brought our army along to support and give confidence during the games. Our ‘pom pom’ girls were awesome and created a lot of noise in the hall. Every opponent was terrified. Surprisingly, my partner, Pian showed them his supernatural power. Everyone who knows him never thought that he gonna publicly advertised himself. I blamed the opponent fully. They smashed on the left side of Pian when he was expecting the ball to go to his right. His immediate response was to be in ‘kangkang kuda’ with the left hand showing an ‘abugit’ movement. Everyone who watched that game laughed for minutes! The match stopped for the free iklan! Hahahaha! We really played for fun. Luckily, the maximum point to collect was 5. We lost 5-0 and 4-1. If not, we would almost duplicate Malaysia football team. CUCMS is the best in Support!

2806

2007-07-12T12:42:00.000+08:00

The clock is ticking very fast, moving forward very smoothly. It does not wait for anyone and consistently mature a person. Comes, 28 June 2007, I have been living for 22 years but experience the world in its true colors only half of the span. For the first time I had not injected any hopes or waited for any surprise. I was quite busy organizing the coming fiesta. Of course, I could have spared some for my entertainment but being me, prioritizing the list was nothing more important than the given responsibility.

Being brought up in a fine family, I always appreciate every value in the institution. Without them or specifically my parents, means I lose the best companion of all. They are simply complete. They are my guidance, they are my friends and they are also my supporters. I never hide anything from them. Every of my ups and downs, every of my laugh and cries, my past and my future, I never missed sharing it with them.

That is why I never get bored spending hours to days with the loved ones. They simply make up my day and continuously create happiness. This is also pointing to the personal relationship with the special one, as I am not a womanizer, not into puppy love, not into things that is unclear. Once I saw the beauty which lies beneath, and she convinces me through her actions, I will commit and devote the fragile heart only to her but yet, not so soon. The time will come. It may sound as simple as a finger flick but just look at the pigeons. They look very friendly but will run away if you come near them. I love socializing but never interested to get really close to any girl. Perhaps, being an observant is always me.

I am so absorbed that I didn't notice how much time had passed. Wow! How did that happen, and can I make it happen again? Two weeks have passed but here I am, still enjoying my days as though today is my birthday. I am thankful to still be having the loved ones around. No one comforts me like they do. I celebrated being 22 in Pizza Hut, Subang Parade. I had a wonderful gift. I could not ask for more as they have limited my wishes! I have got all I wanted. I am certainly not lacking any of my needs. 28 June 2007 completes me. The time to start achieving my dreams has just begun. There are more to come from me. It is about time for me to serve the nation. I pray to God not to slip along the route of success. -JULY 12-

oVeR iT :P

2007-07-11T22:44:00.000+08:00

Wanting you,
To be wanting me,
No that ain't no way to be,
How I feel,
Read my lips,
Because I'm so over,
I'm so,
Moving on,
And it's my time,
You never were a friend of mine,
Hurt at first,
A little bit,
And now I'm so over,
So over it,
I'm so over it,

Look who's alone now,
It's not me. It's not me.
I'm here enjoying myself very much
Looking for a brighter future
As i never in debt, never stuck 4 money
I'm a happy person, living life to the fullest
The world that i create bringing out the best of me
Making my dreams a possible event
For glory, pleasure & humanity

What does it mean when you hear me say ‘no time’?

2007-06-18T02:18:00.000+08:00

Does ‘no time’ really exist? The Almighty has given us 24 hours in a day and that has never been short for me. I am happy with the way I am spending it. I always believe that in whatever things we are offered or had to do, there is always time to do it well. Of course, the quality of work that we do is related to the time frame given as well as other supported materials but realistically, time never runs out. It is always there. We see the same figure on the clock each day. If we don’t use it wisely, then we are wasting our time. We must bear in mind that time passes and it will never come again. Each day is a different day no matter if the day, date or month is the same. The year is always running and showing the difference. So, if you hear me say ‘no time’, then it means that I am not interested to allocate it for you. If I am being a little nicer, I will say ‘sorry’ in front of it but if I am slightly straight to the point, there will be ‘for it’ following the words. Time never runs but it passes.

GaNgsTaRs!

2007-06-18T02:17:00.000+08:00

My life in the future looks likely to be in a well organised manner. None of my good friends pursued into the same field in tertiary education. It provides an extraordinary opportunity for me to be a multi-tasking person. I can treat people, I can have my own lab for research, I can start my own business, I can have a restaurant, I can be a consultant in telecommunications services, I can have a music studio and all can be done without any worries. Soon, I can have my personal lawyer and a coach for my son as well. It is amazing to know people in various professions. It enables us to work on something much easier when we don’t have to waste time developing the trust in someone.
• Nani : the manager
• Ary : the producer with IT background
• Kamal : the bio-technologist
• Zammil : the telco solver
• Mus : the pharmacist
• Juli : the coach and
• Hsian : the lawyer.
Every name I mentioned above is excellent. They think systematically and analytically with positive vision in mind; they have strong determination to excel, do not easily give up, passionate and not to forget, they are comedians as well. I may sound arrogant but this writing is meant to praise them and is part of my appreciation. Hopefully, we will remain good friends till my last breath in this world. Nothing is impossible but all we need to do at this moment is to get through the first stage that is to have the official scroll. I can make the best of my life because I work with the best.

mUlTiple iNteLLigencE

2007-04-26T14:00:00.000+08:00

I want my children to understand the world, but not just because the world is fascinating and the human mind is curious. I want them to understand it so that they will be positioned to make it a better place. Knowledge is not the same as morality, but we need to understand if we are to avoid past mistakes and move in productive directions. An important part of that understanding is knowing who we are and what we can do... Ultimately, we must synthesize our understandings for ourselves. The performance of understanding that try matters are the ones we carry out as human beings in an imperfect world which we can affect for good or for ill. (Howard Gardner 1999: 180-181)

mY sTorY...

2007-04-17T23:06:00.000+08:00

3 beautiful ladies along the years who had strengthen my basis. What's up with the chinese? I don't know...n please...this writing is meant to show my appreciation to the ladies...nothing more than tat...

The first one is Miss ‘G’ and we got to know each other during the athletics’ camp in Cameron Highlands. A gorgeous lady with the Chinese-Eurasian blood had built the 1st part of my true experience in flirting. I was not aware on this kind of relationship until she sparked the eyes of mine. Without her notice, she had shown me many things about love. She never got to know the real me but I guess all of us understood the situation when the experienced met the novice. At that time, I received more than what I gave.

Azam-lution started in the millennium era. I could not imagine my life having a special one at the current situation as my life proceeds into a dull environment after I completed the pre-u course. However, things changed just before my departure to CSMU. The boss whom I worked for introduced me to a beautiful, sweet lady. The Chinese-Malay sweetheart was totally unique from other girls I knew. It was kind of a joke that up till today, I still can’t stop smiling each time I looked back into those days. I was hooked to my boss’ daughter! Haha! Miss ‘S’ came into my life showered me with a lot of joy, care and love. It was an experience that I hardly forget. Things went on too fast until we forgot the most important part in love-relationship that is accepting each other’s way of lifestyle. There was simply lack of adaptation. I prayed happiness for her future undertakings. She meant so much in me. Thank you girl! (the hottest and the best among all)

When I was lonely, searching for my wrongdoings suddenly a little girl with Chinese-Kadazan traits appeared into my life. I had no idea who she was but her presence produced some impact on me. I agreed to be with her and she was always there comforting me. However, I made a u-turn there and had to hurt her feelings, as my heart was still not over with Miss ‘S’. She was fine with it and still wanted to hang around with me. We were friends for four months before she left for America. We lost contact and possibly that number ‘4’ showed bad feng shui. Hehehehe! Ops! Anyhow, I appreciated Miss ‘A’ very much as she gave me a lot space to talk and breathe which no one had ever given me before. She made me fly high freely like an angel.

hePpi, HePpi & hEpPi...

2007-04-15T00:14:00.000+08:00

Pursuit of happiness

In life, you decide to be happy or gloomy. There is no one else that can take away this access from you. GOD??? That is faith. I can assure you that it is you yourself who colours your life. There is a deeper element inside us that many do not notice how to use it and create a wonderful life. If we stick to the Almighty and appreciate everything that we have, we will never have problem to taste the sweet things in life. I am far from pious but I know my limits, yet. This is where you play with the mind. Be realistic, make use of everything around you and do not ask for more because humans will never stop asking. Well, I am not saying that we cannot dream. I am just stressing on the importance of appreciating everything around us and to work harder to improve and gain our wishes. With dreams, we go beyond expectation and our life will be wonderful when we start to appreciate.

2007-04-15T00:06:00.000+08:00

LOVE- Is it beautiful or ugly???

It’s sickening to see my so-called best friend ended his long-time companionship just because of a girl. I wonder, what makes him follow the wrong path when the truth is so obvious. It is so weird but I do not blame him fully. He respects his love feeling but is drowned by the girl’s words. It’s unimaginable that she treated him badly and even left him before because of other guys but pulled him back into her arms again after she was rejected. Since then, I saw how much love could influence someone. I did not want to interfere into anyone’s personal, as I didn’t like it either. I hope, no matter where he is now, he will stick to the religion and be a matured person as he returns from wherever he has been.

iNtRo~

2007-04-14T23:59:00.000+08:00

It doesn’t look nice to be in the middle of something and to miss the beginning. Here is something about me that I would like to start with. However, I still believe that you will never understand someone if you do not know him. To the people outside, it is not that I do not want to talk to you each time I smile but it is just that I really take some time to talk to new people. Please do not feel bad if I accidentally forgot your name because I have problems memorising names. I vowed to make positive changes in communication, as that will help me very much in my future profession. I appreciate it if you start the conversation without any hesitation. Special praise to 'Miss S' for guiding me a lot in improving my communication skills especially in the intonation and the choices of words. I will be a harsh speaker if not because of her. Thank you.