Tuesday, October 13, 2009
I do not know why I allow it to happen again. I do not understand why it keeps on coming to me. All I know is that I always become the victim of situations. People seek for me when they are half-drowned or when they have reached nowhere but a dead end in the highway. They say ‘you are great’. They say ‘you are a true friend’. They say ‘I should have not overlooked your kindnesses’. They say ‘I cannot go through it if it is not because of you’. They say tones of appreciation words to me when I gave them the hand they needed much but do they really mean what they say?
Someone has described me as a tough guy. How much tough? He sees me as tough as the titanium bar but I do not agree. Perhaps, it is just like a crab shell. Hard enough to protect myself from any climate changes and many enemies under the sea but it is by fact, still crack-able. Crab, a symbol to my zodiac means that I was not born tough. The toughness develops as I grow older and remember, it is the people like you that make it even tougher. Time after time people like you hurt me from the inside, slowly and that leaves me no option but to develop a tougher shell to go through these days. Have you not realized that there is limit in everything?
That is why I have no problem to axe anyone out from my life. It is not because I enjoy doing it but it is because of what you do to me. Compulsive, persistent and intolerable pressure on my shell. I will try to swallow the bitter part even when you do not notice it but I promise you, it will not be long. I have to take care of this wounded heart. I need some time off so that it will heal properly if it cannot be completely. Even this to happen, you have to help me. Please let me swim in the sea. I am done with walking. You know that it is nearly impossible for a crab to walk straight. That is why I am asking you to stop holding my back. I do not hesitate to leave but it is not my job to punish people. I will not let you go through what I am going through because I know, you will not make it. Positively, it is not underestimating you but just to prevent you from suffering any bad moments. Am I not being good enough? Please, save me. Do as I wish. Then only I start to believe in justice. After all, you do not really being sensitive about me.
Friday, October 2, 2009
My car, C-AS is a symbol of kindness. Tones of memory bear in him. He was bought before the millennium era began. He had traveled throughout the Peninsular, from Perlis to Johor. He rarely gives problem to the drivers. Though, he was not the first car I drove.
I started to drive when I was a 12 year-old kid. I may have broken the law but after analyzing it, it had benefited me in most aspect. My grandfather who was also my instructor said that I was taught to drive early because it would be useful in emergency. Other use was to drive him around especially to the market. Believe it or not, we parked our car in the police barrack which is just opposite to the market. I called that as ‘lesen Agong’. However, only years later I was allowed to drive more than 5km radius.
C-AS had penetrated Police road block thrice. There was not a single encounter that the police stop me. I did not think I look that old to escape but believed it was merely luck. Quite tachycardic moment but God had spared me from any juvenile record. The longest distance covered without even a ‘P’ licence was from PJ to Bangi. Most of the beyond radius travelling were formally informed.
New technology has emerged drastically. Of course, there will be much different if compared with the current models of Proton cars. The design, the handling, the engine and the accessories are all improved. I like driving my brother’s Waja. If 10 years ago, RM40k is what you need to get a smaller version of lorry in Iswara; noisy engine, now a lower amount can gives you a real car, the new Saga. If add extra RM3-5k, you may already own a complete car in Persona.
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Who does not want a new car? I am sure majority will agree if given a new car. I personally hard to resist but my thoughts on the future blocked that from happening. Besides, why would you want to add burden on your parents shoulder? I refused the offer because I would rather keep the money for something else. Car is also an investment but it does not help me for the time being. One of my friends had talked about identity. Yes, he is partly right but for right things to happen it must come at the right time. C-AS is an economical car and is very student friendly. He always reserves my wallet from being invaluable. That is why I would want keep him at least till I start working. It is not wrong to drive him even when I have become a doctor. My uncle, an engineer drove mini clubman (the one drives by Mr Bean) to his workplace.
I do not know but I have a different view on personal issues. Always avoid pulling others into personal matters. I do not mean psychological needs but materials factor. I have heard a story about my batch mate. He insisted to get a car from his parents. Sadly, his parents are struggling to feed the family but yet, he requested a Neo! Who are you to ask for a portion of parent’s EPF money? Gosh, it is EPF and it is for the employee to use after they retire from their job. Can you please change and start living by your means? I am pretty sure this guy would not bother his family after he graduated. Okay, it may sound as though I am judging him but do not you think, if he can be very selfish now that he can still be selfish later? Ya, people do change but usually they do it after a miserable event and by then it is too late. Have not you heard ‘Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum selagi kaum tersebut tidak mengubah nasibnya sendiri?’ Do you think this guy will change that early? Do not you want to enjoy and have total control on your salary especially the first few months? Anyway, this story can be just a rumour from Gossip-Boys. Let it be.
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C-AS was born in Pahang. My parents had bought him from mom’s cousin, a car salesperson. They could have bought him from the showroom nearby but since there was a relative in this business, why not help to boost the relative’s sales? Good intention but it is not always resulting in good outcomes. The so called cousin had fooled my parents. Not only that he had made them waiting but also had made them traveled all the way to Pahang to claim the car.
It is quite disappointing but this is one of the Malay attitudes. Many of them get angry when Tun Mahathir had burst a remark on them- Melayu mudah lupa. I have seen a lot of Malay businessmen who are not customer-reliable. They are not like the Chinese who take care of their customers well. Worse still, where is your WATERFACE? How could you do this to your own relative? It is disheartening. As usual, my mom responded it with a smile while my dad mumbled continuously. There was no grudge but this was another lesson to learn. The relationship is still on but her cousin is now a bankruptcy. Perhaps, many people had cursed him and he should have realized his mistakes by now.