Friday, December 11, 2009

Approaching new year

Like previous year, I had a budget done before the new year commence. It is for me to monitor my monthly expenses. Of course, there will be unpredicted expenses as you go along but at least, the budget you set will prevent you from crossing the line excessively. It is something that I learn from my dad. The idea is to allow you to breathe comfortably, enjoying every second without hesitancy.

It is not something against the norm. Our country has its own budget every year to assure that the tax payers money is channeled back to the people for country’s development. You need to understand the flow of your money, your assets and liabilities and many other financial related issues. With that, you will be able to avoid from debt crisis. Remember? God doesn’t like His people to be in debt.

2010 is going to be my last year as a full time student. There will still be a room for me to cry. Tak-apa lah kalau terlebih spend, parents boleh settle. However, that is not the case for me. I prefer to manage my own financial, manage my own problem but to share happiness with them. It is just a preference and not a must for every matter. After a thorough check ups, this year’s budget has increased by 30% and that is a huge sum of money for non-shopping spree person. The global recession has not altered my income or affects me in a negative way but where did the additional money go? Worse still, there is no allocation for a girlfriend for two consecutive years. Am I a nut?

I am just being a realist as I am not attached to anyone to spend my time with. That makes me on a savvy side although practically I see myself as a loser for being single. But then again, it is my choice and it is okay as long as I do not disturb other people’s life. I am happy as I am but this cannot go on for long. There will be a time when I need a sweetheart besides me but for it to happen; the girl needs to convince me that she deserves a place as the special ones in my heart.

I have plans for the near future, for myself and for my brothers. Some of the ideas have been addressed, explained and jotted on papers but implementing action is still some way apart. One will be seen in the first half of 2010, a few will start in the second half and the remaining will be between 2011 and 2012. These are just plans and are subject to changes but I have to be optimistic about achieving it before I can start moving forward.

30% increase till August before it drops 10% in the next 2 months while November and December are put on the KIV list as these are post-exam months. It is an exceptional case. I probably may be away for refreshment in life before a hectic life begins and that requires some extraordinary amount of money. There will be less likely an additional investment for 2010 as I am truly on tight budget.The deficit for each quarter except the last ones is estimated to be not more than 20% of monthly expenses. If more, the deficit correction can only be done after I start to earn. I am not worried of any beyond borders expenses as they will still be compensable. That is why having a budget is far much better than writing down your daily or weekly expenses, which is confusing.

Friday, November 13, 2009

already GONE!

Every starts will eventually ends,
No matter what have been done, how much were sacrificed,
Nothing will stop it from ending,
TIME decides when it takes place.

I do not know how to say it in my own words.
And there comes a song, played on air for many months.
I hope, it is enough to explain my frustration on you.
The song would have probably influenced my decision,
but it has also been the one that makes me stand firm.

If you ask me who to blame, i cannot answer.
But if you ask me why i decide, then i will say
'I am no longer interested to make myself like a fool'
I am sorry but I do not want to be hurt again & again.

Here, my heart is expressed through a song,
Beautiful song sings by a beautiful singer.
Take that deep into your heart,
Not meant to hurt but to tell you my decision.

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even without fists held high
Never would have worked out right
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you now I can't stop

I want you to know That it doesn't matter
Where we take this road Someone's gotta go
And i want you to know You couldn't have loved me better
But i want you to move on So i'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But i know that you'll find another
That doesn't always make you wanna cry
Started with a perfect (housemate)
Then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive

You know that i love you so
I love you enough to let you go

I'm already gone I'm already gone
You can't make it feel right
When you know that it's wrong
I'm already gone Already gone
There's no moving on So i'm already gone

I know that you will not find another,
because you already have that another.
I am sorry that I cannot fulfill your wish to have both,
but i have to make it clear, I am no number 2.

I have had enough tolerating,
it is now has reached the critical level,
and I could not bear the pressure.
Both knows, we are neither gay nor womeniser,
and I am going to miss our time together,
because you were my only elder brother.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


I do not know why I allow it to happen again. I do not understand why it keeps on coming to me. All I know is that I always become the victim of situations. People seek for me when they are half-drowned or when they have reached nowhere but a dead end in the highway. They say ‘you are great’. They say ‘you are a true friend’. They say ‘I should have not overlooked your kindnesses’. They say ‘I cannot go through it if it is not because of you’. They say tones of appreciation words to me when I gave them the hand they needed much but do they really mean what they say?

Someone has described me as a tough guy. How much tough? He sees me as tough as the titanium bar but I do not agree. Perhaps, it is just like a crab shell. Hard enough to protect myself from any climate changes and many enemies under the sea but it is by fact, still crack-able. Crab, a symbol to my zodiac means that I was not born tough. The toughness develops as I grow older and remember, it is the people like you that make it even tougher. Time after time people like you hurt me from the inside, slowly and that leaves me no option but to develop a tougher shell to go through these days. Have you not realized that there is limit in everything?

That is why I have no problem to axe anyone out from my life. It is not because I enjoy doing it but it is because of what you do to me. Compulsive, persistent and intolerable pressure on my shell. I will try to swallow the bitter part even when you do not notice it but I promise you, it will not be long. I have to take care of this wounded heart. I need some time off so that it will heal properly if it cannot be completely. Even this to happen, you have to help me. Please let me swim in the sea. I am done with walking. You know that it is nearly impossible for a crab to walk straight. That is why I am asking you to stop holding my back. I do not hesitate to leave but it is not my job to punish people. I will not let you go through what I am going through because I know, you will not make it. Positively, it is not underestimating you but just to prevent you from suffering any bad moments. Am I not being good enough? Please, save me. Do as I wish. Then only I start to believe in justice. After all, you do not really being sensitive about me.

Friday, October 2, 2009

sticking to C-AS

My car, C-AS is a symbol of kindness. Tones of memory bear in him. He was bought before the millennium era began. He had traveled throughout the Peninsular, from Perlis to Johor. He rarely gives problem to the drivers. Though, he was not the first car I drove.

I started to drive when I was a 12 year-old kid. I may have broken the law but after analyzing it, it had benefited me in most aspect. My grandfather who was also my instructor said that I was taught to drive early because it would be useful in emergency. Other use was to drive him around especially to the market. Believe it or not, we parked our car in the police barrack which is just opposite to the market. I called that as ‘lesen Agong’. However, only years later I was allowed to drive more than 5km radius.

C-AS had penetrated Police road block thrice. There was not a single encounter that the police stop me. I did not think I look that old to escape but believed it was merely luck. Quite tachycardic moment but God had spared me from any juvenile record. The longest distance covered without even a ‘P’ licence was from PJ to Bangi. Most of the beyond radius travelling were formally informed.

New technology has emerged drastically. Of course, there will be much different if compared with the current models of Proton cars. The design, the handling, the engine and the accessories are all improved. I like driving my brother’s Waja. If 10 years ago, RM40k is what you need to get a smaller version of lorry in Iswara; noisy engine, now a lower amount can gives you a real car, the new Saga. If add extra RM3-5k, you may already own a complete car in Persona.

-powered by MICHELIN-

Who does not want a new car? I am sure majority will agree if given a new car. I personally hard to resist but my thoughts on the future blocked that from happening. Besides, why would you want to add burden on your parents shoulder? I refused the offer because I would rather keep the money for something else. Car is also an investment but it does not help me for the time being. One of my friends had talked about identity. Yes, he is partly right but for right things to happen it must come at the right time. C-AS is an economical car and is very student friendly. He always reserves my wallet from being invaluable. That is why I would want keep him at least till I start working. It is not wrong to drive him even when I have become a doctor. My uncle, an engineer drove mini clubman (the one drives by Mr Bean) to his workplace.

I do not know but I have a different view on personal issues. Always avoid pulling others into personal matters. I do not mean psychological needs but materials factor. I have heard a story about my batch mate. He insisted to get a car from his parents. Sadly, his parents are struggling to feed the family but yet, he requested a Neo! Who are you to ask for a portion of parent’s EPF money? Gosh, it is EPF and it is for the employee to use after they retire from their job. Can you please change and start living by your means? I am pretty sure this guy would not bother his family after he graduated. Okay, it may sound as though I am judging him but do not you think, if he can be very selfish now that he can still be selfish later? Ya, people do change but usually they do it after a miserable event and by then it is too late. Have not you heard ‘Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum selagi kaum tersebut tidak mengubah nasibnya sendiri?’ Do you think this guy will change that early? Do not you want to enjoy and have total control on your salary especially the first few months? Anyway, this story can be just a rumour from Gossip-Boys. Let it be.

-quality sound from sony-

C-AS was born in Pahang. My parents had bought him from mom’s cousin, a car salesperson. They could have bought him from the showroom nearby but since there was a relative in this business, why not help to boost the relative’s sales? Good intention but it is not always resulting in good outcomes. The so called cousin had fooled my parents. Not only that he had made them waiting but also had made them traveled all the way to Pahang to claim the car.

It is quite disappointing but this is one of the Malay attitudes. Many of them get angry when Tun Mahathir had burst a remark on them- Melayu mudah lupa. I have seen a lot of Malay businessmen who are not customer-reliable. They are not like the Chinese who take care of their customers well. Worse still, where is your WATERFACE? How could you do this to your own relative? It is disheartening. As usual, my mom responded it with a smile while my dad mumbled continuously. There was no grudge but this was another lesson to learn. The relationship is still on but her cousin is now a bankruptcy. Perhaps, many people had cursed him and he should have realized his mistakes by now.

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

My say on Malaysia economy

‘W’ shape or ‘U’ shape recovery?
W if the Europe or US economy taste another slump
U if the world’s economy continue to recover even at slow pace

Recovery by end 2009?
Very likely because only real sector contracted, financial sector remains intact (high liquidity, domestic savings far exceeding domestic investment)

Which is better? 9% growth in China or 3% growth in US?
Both benefits the country but 3% growth in the US would mean a lot more than 9% growth in China

OPR to stay at 2% till year end?
Very likely.
If reduce further economy may recover faster but plateau at certain point in the future.
If increase before 1st quarter 2010 may affect economy in the negative way but positive after that.

Stimulus package RM67 billion?
Sufficient size to cushion the economy crisis.
Effective if being monitor closely- speed of implementation is as structured + high-multiplier effect (increase public expenditure)
Not effective if implement slowly and low-multiplier effect

More signs to get rough idea on our economy: home financing rate, crude oil prices and not to miss! IPO in KLSE..latest coming IPO is on maxis.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Bliss RaYa!

As every Muslim in the world welcome its very special day, I cannot afford to miss out from celebrating the day that comes only once a year. Before I proceed, I would like to wish all Muslims; Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Well, the first day is the most exciting. Of course, not everyone will have such opportunity but one of my philosophies is ‘grab while you can’. It is okay to be an opportunist in certain occasion because that gives you the chance to benefit things that come. I do not know when my chance will be taken away but for now, I am thankful that I am still able to seek apologies from both my parents. When I was a small kid, I did it for the money (ampau) but I have grown and understand that it is actually means more than that.

I was brought up with proper guidance and taught to forgive others, no matter how bad one treated me, I must forgives him the least on Raya morning. Being a human, I do not run from doing mistakes but the check list on my hand mitigates my fouls. I may be unconvincing at certain point but I will not stop saying ‘sorry’. Sometimes, you may feel that my apology is insincere but deep inside you know that it is better than nothing. After all, no one can satisfy everyone at all time.

This year’s raya is a little different and unique in its own way. Having known that there is only a year left to complete my undergraduate course, my happiness is doubled with the eligibility to receive ampau from relatives and non-relatives. It looked awkward as this 24 year-old guy with his visible beard is still being treated like other adolescents but I could not deny, it is a sweet moment. I know my days are limited. Soon, the kids around will start asking from me.

In the morning of the 2nd day, my grandfather fell in the bathroom. His elbow bleeds and I did simple dressing. An hour later, I re-assessed his wound and decided that he needs proper treatment. It was a minor cut but tissue regenerative for an 87 year-old man will not be good. I send him to the nearest doctor for 2 or 3 stitches. The doctor commented that I had been a good grandson as well as promising doctor.

However, I know myself more than others. My patience is not as great as my mother. My determination is not as great as my father. My sympathy is not as great as any nurse. My empathy is not as great as my lecturers. My care is not as great as Tun Mahathir. There is no need to compare with The Prophets as my level is far below them.

I saluted both my parents but credit goes to my dad this year because he has been much better for the past few years while mom is still consistent being a wonderful lady. If you remember Petronas raya commercial break, the ones that isolate their father and let him eats with the cat and their children said ‘nanti bila papa mama dah tua duduk kat sini’- referring to a place outside of the house then you will know what I mean. My dad comes forward to stop this from happening to his father.

go here-

Ops! Ya, it did happen to my great grandfather. The hut that my dad built behind of his father’s house was misused. His father had used it as a room for his grandfather to live in. It was evil but I could not comment much. Both my parents said, they do not understand why he did it but even if he was cruel to anyone, he is still their father. The only thing can be done is to prevent that from happening again in our time and that is what he is doing. He shall not repeat his father’s mistake. He takes care of his father from A-Z (medical, shower, meal and etc). I personally do not have the determination to come every 1 or 2 days to shower him or to entertain his needs. I understand that geriatric patients need more attention than pediatric patients that is why I always prefer pediatric.

Elsewhere, this special day is just like every other year. Visiting the close ones is compulsory. It is dual meaning in fact. Close in terms of relationship as well as distance from home. Whichever does not matter as long as we do not stay at home. It is best to move around while we have the chance to do it.

I was brought up as a town boy but was given the opportunity to taste the sweetness of having a kampong. My mom’s kampong is like a haunted mansion. She was born there but spent most of her childhood time in PJ after moved in to Singapore. Her kampong is where I experienced to ‘mandi sungai, jungle trekking, exotic foods and hantu exploration’ but that is those days. We rarely go there since my grandmother lost her lovely hubby. Each year, everyone unites in her PJ house. It is a different story for my dad. He has a kampong but only in the name. He was brought up in ‘Kampung Tunku’, a small area in PJ. I had some memory there too. I was the pet grandson of my dad’s mother and she had taught me many things in life. I could still remember the day she dressed me up to school, the day I fell from the roof when she was preparing our lunch, the day I helped her to cook some kuih for tea-time meal and many more. Fortunate or unfortunate, both my grannies place is just about 10 minutes away from my place. That for sure, gives us no problem in planning our raya.

Monday, August 24, 2009

A little suprise...

Gosh! Amazingly my stappy is stil alive! It is one of d few utensils tat r as old as cucms existence. She had been sharing my ups and downs for 3 years before I temporarily lost her. Damn! It wasn’t my fault. Orang lain yang hilangkan! Tats why I hate irresponsible people! Dah tau guna tak tau nak letak balik! Okay, I may b exaggerating but truly, tat was how I feel. But lucky enough, Zuka had searched it for me and keep it safely.

It is nothing big anyway. Just a stapler but it bears past memory. I bought it with my ex. Nah, that does not mean much anymore. I am not haunted by the past and will never be. I am delighted perhaps because I like to keep my things for a long time. Selagi boleh pakai no problem lah. Like my handphone. It was so ugly that I had to use a rubber band to tie the broken phone until my mom bought a new one for me.

Some miscommunication occured between me and Zuka. I thought, I would have lost miss stappy forever. The last time I saw Zuka was during the dodgeball competition which, she had ‘run away’ from me. Her face reflects as if ” no, I do not want to talk to you”. I do not know. High possibility because she went missing when I tried to look for her. We are not close friend but I did share my personal issue with her, once. So, due to that, I took it as ‘azam, move out from my life!’ and I really did until last Friday when she said-hello. Whatever it is, I have got miss stappy with me and thank you Zuka, u made me smile for a while.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

my engine has juz started

I may be stupid but I can always get better. Fail once, fail twice does not end everything in fact it is the starting of something. Every problem has its root of causes and I know what was it. I do not blame anything or anyone as what had happened was expected. I know that was the consequences that I had to bear. I know it was a right decision and here I am looking up to the next step to progress. So, do not underestimate me. The game has just begun. With that, I am declaring myself to finish off the game ultimately with pride. The best from me is yet to come.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Why is it ok?

I may have lost the pivotal person in the not so new group. I may have lost a brother, a friend and the best person in CUCMS who I can work with. It has also made me lost the support that I have been enjoying for the past 3 years but God is always fair enough. I still have my number two in the current group, who has been holding my hand from drowning. She may not realize how crucial am I to have her around but that is the truth that I would like to tell out. It is not that she had done something for me but her softness and diplomatic way of communicating that always soothe me. She neither say flowery words nor motivational words to comfort the sadden heart if happens to be but always offer a solution to it whenever needed. These two, Abang Pian and Kak Pah, the best that I could ever asked for in CUCMS.

Of course, he is incomparable and nobody will ever beat him in this institution but to have her and a few others on the second list is good enough to assure that the happiness is not lost. It may be weird to hear that I can live with just to have him as a friend in this place but that is the fact (I am extremely very straight ok). So, it took me a little bit off the time to adapt to new friends. I always need extra time before saying anything about a person and I will always be. Well, I do not judge a person without accumulating all the information that I have.

I believed that July is timely enough to say what had been in the heart. Sorry to mention new but that is the most suitable words, as we had never been in the same house or group. For now, I have a damn good jalan-jalan cari makan buddy, Dr. Chicken Am. I have a good informer and workaholic Dr. Boss. I also have the walking encyclopedia Dr. Mi for education purposes, Dr. James for business and economy forecasting, the triplet jokers Dr. Fin, Dr. Mumps and Dr. Nadia. There is also Dr. Nad who is nice to be bullied. Not to forget, Dr. Zu and Dr. OD whenever my mind turns blue or when the two horns on my head grow. My days in class are wonderful because of these people. What i like most about my current group is that, they offer options whenever they argue for something. They are not only making the leader's life easy but also everyone in the group.

I do not say it because of the birthday party but simply because I wanted to. I do not say it to hurt some people but simply to express my gratitude to those mentioned. I do not say it to say that others are not good but simply to show that these people are wonderful to have in any team. I do not say it to apple polishing them but simply because they deserved the credit. I take a bow on these people for allowing me being myself and for the continuous supply of happiness in everyday life as a medical student. Thank you very much.

Monday, July 13, 2009


I am not a pure Malay (most of us pun tak) but I never forget my roots of origin. Of course, I am carrying much of its blood and proud about it but my point is that ‘ke-melayuan tidak pernah dilupakan’. Wherever I go, I still speak Malay to many others and I agree that ‘bahasa jiwa bangsa’.

However, I am disappointed with the government moves to revert teaching science and mathematics to mother tongue. This is regressive, a step backward. The decision is very much a political ploy and it should not have been this way. Nah, I blame the opposition for starting the fire. I believe, many people are benefiting learning these subjects in English and will be thankful especially when they go into tertiary education.

I have no intention to condemn Bahasa but let us talk facts.
1. How many subjects are taught in Bahasa (tertiary education) other than Bahasa itself and religion teaching?
2. Do we use Bahasa for our paperwork? Presentation? Thesis? In the university or workplace.
3. Try to browse on something for our learning. How many pages are there if we type in Bahasa? Compare it with English.
4. Science words. Are they really Bahasa or just translation? Eg: Condensation/Kondensasi. Thin Layer Chromatography/Lapisan Nipis Kromatografi. Detoxification/Detoksifikasi.
5. Simple words. Excellent/Ekselen. Relevant/Relevan. Detergent/deterjen. Manipulate/Manipulasi. Comprehensive/Komprehensif.

Something to think about huh? If the trend of direct translation continue, then Bahasa will fade one day. Is this what the Malaysians are waiting for? Nak memartabatkan Bahasa sampai terjual Bahasa? What about keling or poyo? Do these words in DBP dictionary? Why direct translation is more acceptable than the words created by our own people? Come on, Bahasa is not like those days and we have to accept that the world has changed. Believe me, we are MALAYSIANS. We will not forget our mother tongue if we learn subjects in English.

Long, short term goals review

(Study) Having heard the move taken by MOH to cut short the break allocated for undergraduates a couple of months ago, meaning some of my wishes had to be reviewed. Of course, MOH decision is more benefiting because the earlier we work, the earlier we can start enjoying our own income. It means there will be no more begging or in a polite word, no more asking money from parents and this signals the beginning of an independent life.

The EURO trip that I planned had to be re-considered because I would not want to rush enjoying my days in other’s land. It could still be realized but some other things need to be sacrificed. Whatever it is, I still have plenty of months ahead and would not want to talk about it so detail now. It is very disappointing to see the chance being reduced. However, there is no use thinking on something that is harmless and yet, has not happened. Worse come to worse, I can just join my younger brother in 3 years time to Germany if his wishes to pursue degree oversea materialized.

(Efforts) Resulting from that, I have done little changes on financial matters. Instead of allocating the money into ‘savings account’, I have placed it into my ‘investment account’. This is hopeful to maximize the returns. Oh! By the way, savings means the money that you plan to keep but invest means the extra money that you do not plan to use in the near future with hopes to multiple the profit but risk of losing the initial money.

Believe me, the poor economy is not a disaster after all. The inflation rate is high but in terms of share prices, it is definitely in favor of big returns. This is a good time to buy shares as the economy is predicted to be globally stable only by year 2011. So, buy domestic shares or funds now follow with Asian next year before setting up money in Europe or U.S.A. The great depression provides a bigger opportunity for people like me. I may have risked myself by using up almost all my cash in savings account but that is just temporary. In a year time, I will start working and it means I will have fresh, extra cash to invest as well as higher reserved cash for emergency.

(Success)You may be wondering why is this young man keep on thinking only of getting money. It is not only about it. I am just doing the right things at the right time. This is because, when the graph is in upward trend, you will very likely to enjoy profits but deficits if it is on the other graph. So, when the economy has stabled for long, that is the time for you to stop until just before it goes up again after another fall. Do you see what I see? I am glad that I have concluded my final touch on investment, hoping it to reach at least 1/3 of my class fees by end of 2015 (very small if compared to my other friends who would be getting a million by then). This is just a calculation of my current investment without putting into account of any other coming portfolios in the near future. It was finalized 2 days ago and I pray to God to make it easy for me after all the hardship and sacrificed I made : sampaikan result pun masuk tong sampah :( Now, it is purely about education. I will revise the forgotten materials and give the best for the final. Gentlemen, start your engine.

Thursday, June 18, 2009

Why, medical doctor?

It may sound an ancient, rusty question for 4th year medical students like me. Some, if ask, would get annoy to answer such question but is that a sign that our focus are already out of the objective we set many years back? I cannot comment much as it may be due to other reasons. Well, different people have different ideas. Me too, would not know if the route that I am currently using would eventually lead to my hopes in life. It is easier said than done. So, I need a lot of prayers to have the stamina to maintain my walk.

Not long time ago, when the U.S. invaded Iraq, I was only a bird who flies without wing, waiting for the SPM result to be released. I could still remember the night that I watched Buletin Utama on TV3. It was a quiet night that sparked my mind to ask myself, “What if the world ends in 2-3 years time, destroyed by the evil face of human just for the sake of POWER? It means, I will be a drop out due to the uninvited war. It is okay if the world ends but what if it commenced a normal life after a disastrous war? I would be again at the losing end.” Then I started to ask, “What is in an ENGINEER? What can they contribute during war? Oh! Hello…I would be just a student in 2 years time and that gives me nothing special. I can help to build up the nation for the future but only after I graduated. What about being a pilot? Will it still be safe to fly the planes? And what is in a DOCTOR? If I were to take up medicine, there is high possibility that I would be a good asset to the religion, country and race. I would have some knowledge to help up the war victims after 2 years of learning. Even if the only thing I know is dressing, it would be something beneficial. If there is life after war, I will be equipped with ‘hands of God’. Unlike other professions, let it be engineering, pilot, business or hospitality, nothing is greater than becoming a doctor. I can help people simply with my knowledge and the money that I earn. It can be done with just me and the patient around”

It puts me in a mess of mind for a couple of days. I could still remember telling my first ex, Miss G a few months before SPM that I could end up doing anything at any particular reason and time but definitely not to become a doctor. It is one hell of a profession that I will not fall in love with. I added “I am not a nerd bugger but simply an artistic person who loves creating something from anything.” I think again, who cares anyway? She had become my past. There is no need for me to bother on my words and I enrolled into Sains Hayat in MOE matriculation. My long journey continues after being accepted into medical school. I would say, I have gone through the toughest obstacle, which needed me to be on my feet at all time. However, that is just the challenges in Level 1. I would soon be in the next level and is forced to come out with a different style of tactical plan, at least in the middle of the next stage. We could not afford to stick to the same strategy, as this would expose ourselves to be trapped into the enemy’s counter-attacking game. It is a never to be in the comfort zone too long. I am not worried of the final minutes of this level since I am already knew who I would be facing. All I need to do is to assure that nothing stops me from graduating. Therefore, I need to study hard and work things out smartly to achieve something that I accidentally fell for. I want to make my parents proud of me.

That is the coming days and what is my plan for the coming years? There is no war and life is in fact better than before. When I looked back onto my thoughts, some were totally false impression. It is probably just a reason blown to my heart, so that I would not choose to be an engineer or a pilot. It shows how great the God is. He knows what is best for His creatures. I am part of His miracle. When I choose to do MBBS, I surprised everyone around me. Even my dad thought I was influence by my uncle who holds double degree from the school of engineering in Oxford University. Some people criticized my choice because deciding at the very last minute? That is why I said, it is God’s willing, Alhamdullilah. More things will come in the future but let me just keep it in mind. Sharing is caring but it does not apply here. My skyscraping dreams may scare some people and I probably have had. Besides, I prefer to go through obstacles, one at one to avoid misleading direction and false hopes.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

cinema-ing alone

I had always wanted to watch movie in cinema alone but nothing urge me to really do it until one day, my peer said something about it. Then, there was another one who commented, it is pathetic with no reason to do so and the person who does that must be serious awful. I did not say anything about it but that situation triggered my mind to ask myself “why not?”.

(hmmm...thinking of, to do or not to do it?)
A couple of days later, after chilling out with a friend in Subang, he requested me to drop him in Pyramid. This had happened before, so I asked “Ko lepak lagi? Kawan tunggu ke?” He replied while yelling at me “Kawan? Eh, takde lar, aku jalan sorang2, go arcade then catch up any movie lar”. I was a little surprise that there are actually people who do watch movies without any company. His reasons were quite reasonable. He said that his wife or good friend’s ample time is not always synchronized as his. So, why should he misses any good show just because no one to come along with him? I nodded my head.

I decided to start doing it in the following week. It was Fast & Furious 4. My first experience was a bit kekok but I enjoyed the show. I noticed, the guys who sat besides me as well as the front seat were also alone! So, it is not something against the norm. I did it again in the week after. This time, it, i dun remember the title. Of course, I enjoyed the night as good movies really calm my mind. The third was Angels & Demons but not on the consecutive week.

(one of d nite tat i decided not to go alone..ditemani julie for wolverine)
Since Wednesday offer discounts on movie tickets and the only weekdays that is not fully occupied, I planned to reserve the day for movie in the next coming weeks but it is strictly depending on my availability. If I start going to gym, then tata bubye lar. Funny thing, I do not feel like calling any of my friends from other universities who are currently on holiday. However, I will not rule out anyone who calls me out for a movie. I am still the same person, just a little more mature than before. I can do things on my own without anyone’s company just like how I attend my classes. After trying out 3 times, I find it really positive. I have not been in LATE for the show, I even have time to walk around and play some games and many more. Of course, it is more interesting to watch movies in a group but it is also okay to do it alone. Like Lenka said “just enjoy the show”.

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Investing for the future

There are a lot to say about investment but my limitation is the time to write. It is mandatory to have an eye about having good personal financial if she is not interested in the local or global economy. Poor financial management will lead to many defects. So, start saving or investing. If you say it is too early to invest then you are probably wrong. This is because the money that you invest will grow. If you want to start 10 years later then most investors will say that you have just wasted a precious 10 years. I have been involved directly for more than 10 years now and happy to see the outcomes. The wealth that I am enjoying today is the result of yesterday’s work and today’s hardship is for tomorrow’s pleasure. Thank you grandpa, for the business brain that you had passed on to your generation.

I like to start things from the basic. I believed, with strong foundation you will have the stamina you need to maintain your position as high as it can be. So, in many things offered to the bumis, I will say that the ASB is just the simplest and most basic type of investment before anything. No wonder when PNB opens 5 million units for sale last week in other fund comparable to ASB, the non-bumi grabbed it in just a few hours. It is not that they have a lot of money but simply because they know the high returns they will get. The figure is around 7% per annum, minimal risk and better still, a government-backing fund. There is no difference in buying and selling price unlike other unit trust funds! So, whatever happens, they will still get their initial money plus the dividends! It is unlikely to make the investors lose their money. For those who have not place their money there then do so. For those who did not invest because you claimed it a ‘haram’ fund then check the status again with Islamic authority and Security Commission. The Muftis’ fatwa is ‘harus’ ( As for its investment methods and et cetera, I will tell you if you ask and not in this post. It is too wide lar. No space to write.

Other unit trust funds are more volatile and have higher risk. It may bring losses if it is not well manage. Ops! I mean if the economy performs badly. Please do not get it wrong. Economy is not all about share prices but it is just an indicator. Usually,
if the economy goes haywire, the share price will also plunge. If you already have an ASB account, then, you would want to consider buying it. It gives higher return in shorter period of time but of course, higher risk as well. If you plan to place the money for 10 years the least, then I would suggest you to buy the passive type of account rather than the active ones. On average, the passive fund, which gives lower return in a shorter time actually gives more in 10 years duration. However, if luck is not on your side then you might lose partial or all of your money. We are fortunate that Malaysia offers a lot of things. Now, the Islamic funds are much bigger and it gives a lot of options for the Muslims but do not forget, only PNB funds are not charging us any extra charges. Others will usually eat (5+1)% of your initial money and 1.5% for the next other years. On the other hand, PNB funds have higher probability to give bigger returns.

If you have time and would want to devote your passion on business then go for KLSE. It is potentially to give you an unbelievable return. Just look at the Bank Rakyat shares, it gives you 20-40% especially in the last couple of years. This is something good but my advise is, think thrice before start putting your feet on KLSE. It may not be suitable for medical doctors unless if he is able to control his desire on profit gains. Do not be greedy as God will pull your luck away. Other option that may be categorized as ‘safe’ is to invest in gold. It belongs to commodity section, unlike ASB that is 70% on equities. Gold prices do not change drastically overnight. It takes time to fall but half of it to rise. It is sell at around RM103 per 100g now compare to RM 33 for the same weight 10 years ago. Its performances indicate by10 years graph is on the climbing trend. The only things to bother is the need to ‘zakat’ our gold each year. Do not forget the 5 pillar of Islam. We must pay zakat for the unuse (invest) gold.

In whatever investment you are in, do not forget a few of its rules. First of all, investment is all about time. Do not dream big to have high returns in short period of time. Secondly ‘cash is king’. You can invest using loans too, but the returns are not guaranteed. There are few analysis need to be done before jumping into it. Rotating the cash money is what the investors usually do. Thirdly, place money on good managers. The bigger and stable the institution the safer your money will be because these people will need to take care of their names well. Anything happens to a certain fund, they will take some actions to minimize the loss. To conclude, the more cash money you invest, the longer it stays there, the higher returns you will get but do not forget the inflation rate that you have to bear.

Others investment points I would like to address:
• It pays to think like a pessimist when you make your list of debit and credit. It gives you space to breathe when you have money. I have read a religious article and it says “God is angry when you spend more than what you earns”.
• No matter how savvy your investment is, your credit card debt can bleed you of money. Consider using the debit card instead.
• Be fearful when they are greedy and greedy when they are fearful. Basicly, just stay calm in any situation appears.
• We make the dumbest money decisions when we are panic
• This is a great opportunity to restructure bad investments as well

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Very inspiring wishes from an ex-minister

“Good luck and all the best to you” said Datuk Seri Azalina to me last Sunday. I smiled and nodded my head to her while we were shaking hands. It was undescriptive as I did not expect her to have a little chat with me. She may have had lost a ministerial post in the cabinet but her recognition or VVIP status remains intact. I take her words for self-motivation, to help building up more and more confidence to deal with the outside world.

Perhaps, it is just the beginning for me. An enigmatic motion on something big in the future or it could just be an odd moment. Being me, I opt to see it optimistically. However, I am still unable to understand her last few words about me. She said “Continue breaking the girl’s heart”. I laughed and left the conversation with a smile but what is that suppose to mean? Do I look like that kind of a person who always breaks the girls heart? But for sure, she does not know about Miss N. Just last year that I broke her heart, being unable to show love on her.

Though it was quite a short period of falling for each other, I would still say that I love her and I still do. Unfortunately, my focus was on something else and I would say I was not ready to commit. Ini timing sudah silap laah. I was very unfair to her but things happen for a reason. That is why I still love all my exes. These ‘fabulous four’ had mature me intelligently. So, do not be surprised to see picture or notes of my exes in my wallet. What is already there will remain till the next one. Whatever Datuk Seri was thinking, I take it as if she was just joking. No harm to call it off.

Inside or outside the box and the ‘thinking’ theory

see overview, then go details

It is quite common to hear people saying that the men look things as a whole while the ladies look things in detailed. Is that true? Or are we just being sexist? And what makes a good manager? Isn’t he able to see things differently? Doesn’t him look at things as a whole before going detail about it? I ask again, bukankah lelaki itu pemimpin dalam keluarga? So, why don’t we just say that the men think both in general and detail? Or is it the women who balance out the thought of their men? What will be the result of playing the mind games?

It is hard to explain through writing but I will try not to make it sound complicated. Perhaps, it is good to talk about my journey this year. I have to travel to various places for classes. Hospital Serdang, Hospital Putrajaya, Hospital Kuala Lumpur, KK Dengkil, KK Bangi and possibly of Hospital Terendak or Tanjung Rambutan as well. Unlike other university or medical institution, studying in CUCMS requires the most traveling. It is either the management of the university is cuckoo or the lecturers are crazy or whatever it may be. It gives some students logistic problems and sometimes, problem in planning a holiday. The negative issues are many to list but that if you see things inside the box.

Let us try to see it from the outside. Tune our mind that it benefits us more than anything. It can be, by travel a lot, much hard work being done and that indirectly prepare us to face the bumpy roads of life in our future undertakings. Besides, there was a say quoting that travelling is a sunnah. At the end of the day, nothing comes easy and with hardship, success is the result. Now, let us try to think using the triangle theory.

After being able to see things in general, getting the right overview of a situation, we shall try to think it in detail, brief or both. Well, the ability of a person to think either in general or detail is actually up to the person himself. If he wants to be specific then he will change his focus towards that direction. How? it is the triangle formula, of general, specific and lateral thinking. We have heard about it many times before but do we understand or able to see the mapping? Here, I include what I have learnt from a pediatrician somewhere last year.

now tat u haf focus, try to see the bigger pictureUsing the same situation as example, the general view is more or less the result of our general thought. We will appreciate the situation more if go into detail or it can be the other way round. There is a 50-50% chance. What if we think not too detail and not too general? This is what we call lateral thinking. The direction of our thought is adjustable. A good decision is mostly a result of good analytical thinking. It means, balancing the percentage between detail and general thought. It can be 50-50, 45-55, 60-40 or anything depending on the situation. However, not everything needs us to think laterally. Some are purely just general and some need to be detailed. This is a skill that lies in each human. It can be explored through experience and everyday learning. As for my struggle studying in Year 4, I think laterally and traveling benefits me more as a person. I am happy though I had lost a very good friend to other group. I am able to cope because of the adjustment of thought that I do.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

UMNO now or later?

Najib has officially rules Malaysia. A few days later, Tun had rejoined UMNO and it is great news for many supporters. I was a member of ‘kelab UMNO luar negara’ and once had been critically involved in a controversial issue of de-recognition a medical university. There was a lot being done but the team I worked with was not strong enough to convince the MMA to pull back their decision. We had sleepless nights in the designated country as well as when we returned home. All for the sake of completing a solid paper work for MMA, its ministry and the premier but nothing is appreciated. The voice that had backing us also was only politicking and in a very last minute, had made a u-turn to defend the government decision. After all, they are part of the government.

By that, I decided to stay around for good. Fortunately, having educating in a very promising institution, I am now have seen the bigger picture of my previous experience. The government had done well to stick and defend their decision to de-recognize the university. Though I am agree that the learning there is beneficial lot, the irresponsible students were the thorn in sub-standardizing the quality of future doctors. The university was doomed by its own game. They had chose wrong players. I hope, the good ones around will not change into the bad ones. They must be strong!

The firm, decisive and strong government is what the people need, not the simply pick-up candidate. I would not say ‘clean’ as I do not think Malaysia are ready for that. The opposition is even worse. The government move to reshuffle its cabinet means nothing if they do not perform as they had promised. They must show their quality. I am very grateful that Muhkriz was elected as deputy minister. This reflects that they do not tolerate with people who involved in ‘money politic’. Ok, I should not elaborate more.

The return of ‘Tun’ had given me a mixed feeling. It puts me in a conflict. I had once told people that I would join UMNO locally when Tun re-join. After a few months of thoughts, I decided to join once I have secured my degree or it could even be later than that, perhaps in early 40. However, my dad had opened up this topic during the general assembly and he wants me to get involve at an early stage. He wants me to help other leaders to build up this country. I did say no because of many reasons but the ‘Tun factor’ gives me a second thought. It is possibly good enough to be at least a registered member if I do not want to be a representative. At least, it really provides the support that UMNO needs. I will discuss it with my mom before signing up and if I were to do so, I would be under Kelana Jaya division. Besides living in its area, it is lead by a person who used to be the strongest and influential man in Selangor. This state has developed well under his administration and should have done greatly if he had not overlooked some rules. I have much respect for him even though he was not my choice for the Deputy President post. His lost was expected but only to a better person.

Friday, March 20, 2009

The day i walked away, speechless

It was a tearful week. I had to bear a very deep cut in my heart alone, giving no space for others to see the visible wound. Neither mom nor brothers know about it. I am disappointed especially to what you did towards me last Sunday. It was not unforgivable but definitely will lead to malunion healing. I will not say it is inerasable from the memory because that will make me no different from a few others who, may not have been keeping grudges but still allowing painful memory to stay. I am not that kind of a person who being holds by the past in any situation. I forgive people but it is always the matter of ‘analytical’ calculation, which, if it brings me more harm than good, then I will not hesitate to axe the person from my life, temporarily. I am mean, extremely mean in such situation and people will not want me to do that on them. I have, so far, done it to less than 5 people and had closed their chapter in my life. Oh! I am still a human being with a wonderful heart. Due to the unforgiving deeds, I am actually giving them another chance through this way. They can be my friend again, if they come and call for a new chapter in my book. The only factor here is ‘time’. If they come at a very wrong hour, then, it will take a longer time to re-introduce them again.

It is not hard to do it especially when the feels are so strong, which I cannot resist. Unfortunately, I had left a gap while implementing or taking such move as part of principle in life. I will not say it was mistakenly set. Perhaps, I choose who to be the victim of my cruelty. The ‘immunity’ chain, wear by my family and the love ones make them indispensable at any stake. No matter how much pain I feel from the sharp knife they are holding, I will still reply with a smile. I will make sure it continues to be that way as long as I am breathing to live. I know, you have been trying to check on me the day after that and after that. I am glad that I did not say a word but just walked away with a smile, speechless, moving on my own, living like the nomads. Just so that you know, I am extremely frustrated that you did not walk your talk. Worse still, your action towards me was the thing that I did, which you said was wrong. I am learning and you are always there to guide but if it is like a dog barking by the roadside, then, might as well I learn to live my way.

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Mini budget

Congratulations Malaysia government for the RM60 billion effort! It is double the figure I was expecting and I am hopeful that it is enough to cushion the impact of global economy meltdown. I may be naïve in business or economy but that does not mean I do not learn anything from the prospect. Personally, I do gain something from this miserable flop that the world is experiencing. I gain even more when the local government decided to throw RM60 billion to stimulate the economy growth. I believed that I am not sharing the good news alone. However, I am sorry for the others who are feeling the heat of the recession. Though theoretically Malaysia is not in recession but practically we are. Just look at the mall. We have sale every day! Just the stability of the local banks convinced us but never say we are insulated from the crisis. The economy is bad and can get worse. The game has just started. Do not be afraid if you are not fully equipped. Sometimes, you still survive when you have nothing, as the civilized army kills no civilian.

Thursday, February 19, 2009

A small thing but helpful

Some say, we are far from the place. How can we help them? We don’t even know what they need and it is hard to give a hand when we cannot be there. Some say, I want to help but I am still depending on my parents. While others say, this is their problem, why should we interfere? They do not help us when we need any help. So, why would we?

There are too many to list. Those are the three I could remember while reading some articles on the newspaper. Well, no matter what their reason is, we shall not put ourselves in their position which, anything that surface can be avoided by giving reasons. I purposely posted this post many weeks after Palestine and Israel had achieved its ceasefire. It is simply mean to give a ‘wake up’ call to the readers who might have fallen asleep from giving a hand. It should be a continuous process not only on this issue but also to anything that may need our help.

We know that the Zionist will not sleep from torturing the Palestinians. Poor them for having a shorter cycle of life that is ‘born-grow-study-war-dead’. Many years upfront, they might even lose their land to the Zionist and the Al-Aqsa mosque will be demolished or conquered by the wrong people. That will indirectly tarnish the pride of the Muslims for failing to defend their valuable territory. Having the fastest growing religion on earth, we still fail to unite as a whole and it is extremely shameful. The Muslims in various regions will be pinpointing and try to put the blame on others. The East Asians blame the Arabs for the splitting thoughts, while the Arabs are blaming on certain parties, labeling them as extremist. Whatever it can be or may be, it is beyond our power to put things right. However, it is in our capacity to unite if we follow the simple rules stated in the Quran and Hadith. That is why we were told to use those as the guidelines in life. It may be simple but is highly effective.

That is when we talk about unity. What if we start asking ourselves on how much good deed has we did in the name of humanity? Is it enough to claim a place in heaven? And what sort of good deeds will assure our place? No one knows but we can try to fit in. How? No one knows. Haha! But I can say that if we continuously do good and no harm, then the outcomes in the later days are very promising. It is well explained in the Quran and other religion’s bible. Like a few of CUCMS lecturers have been talking about in making sincerity as the second nature to their students. Their philosophy explains when we keep on doing certain things then it will be some part of us, which is true. So, if we keep on doing good things then we will always want to do it.

It starts from now and it is never too late for anyone. As long as the person wants to bring a change in himself, then there is no issue. Everything comes from a heart and that differentiate between the living creatures from the non-living objects. Everyone regardless of their gender, race, religion, financial status or even age can help to contribute something good for the community. A lot of people think we need money to help people but that is far than true. Don’t believe ar? Doctors partially treat their patient through good communication, appropriate touch and with some knowledge on the disease.

However, if money involves, it does not necessarily require big sum of money. Let’s take donation to the mosque for discussion especially to the guys. We go for Friday prayers every week. Isn’t it good if we can donate as minimal as RM1 each session? It only cost us RM52 for the whole year! Unfortunately, I doubt the ability of the majority to reach that figure. This is because there are thousands of reasons for not making it 52 times a year. For instance, a long surgery operation that extends beyond the time for Friday prayer, no small change in the wallet, gets stuck in traffic jam, heavy rain, oversleep and et cetera. So, it is in fact less than RM52 and much cheaper than spending on a girlfriend, or even a week’s expenses! If my little brothers can afford to give, why not anyone else?

Can you imagine how much money can be save by the specific mosque if we start giving? RM1 is like nothing to us but it means a lot to a community. If a Friday prayer in a mosque can accommodate 1000 people, then the collection for the month will be RM1x1000x4weeks=Rm4000. That may help in settling the utility bills. The contribution from the government and other donations can then be used for other purposes, which benefits the people. Of course, it will be nicer if we can donate more than RM1 but being able to donate consistently is much better than being inconsistent. Let us vow for changes. Start to donate once a week regardless of the amount. Every penny does make a different. When we have started to give, call upon our brothers to do it. Make it a second nature. It helps to build a generous generation in the long run. This practice is effortless but very beneficial indeed. Do not be surprise if the money that we contribute is also being channeled to the Palestinians. So, that is a bonus pahala for us.

That is why I said, “Whenever our friends want us to help, we shall try to give them what they need as long as it does not affect or touch our individual dislikes. It is the sincere heart that counts and if you cannot do it then just say it out. Be humble, it is not wrong to say ‘no’. Of course, certain details aren't making you smile, but if you step back and look at your life as a whole, things are pretty awesome. You shape them. You colour them. Life is yours.”

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Gong Xi Gong Xi :D

Happy Chinese New Year to all Chinese regardless of their religious beliefs. As the people are celebrating its new year, the year of Ox is expecting to be not much different in the beginning but promising a very sweet end. This is due to the Ox admirable strength and tenacious resolve to do well. I may not be someone who believes in feng shui or any sort of superstitious belief but it is undeniable that there is some relevant information there or perhaps correlation or coincidence. Whichever it belongs to, it is nice to read and recently I found an interesting article about the people who were born in the year of Ox.

Part of the short article writes “People who are born in the Year of the Ox appear indecisive, deliberate and slow-moving. But they are patient and persevering. When they’ve set their mind on something, they won’t give up until they’ve attained their goals. Their steady, consistent effort ultimately bring them success”. My comment is Whoah! That is almost true! I am sometimes indecisive and need the love ones to decide what is best for me. I am slow in doing my work but will complete everything that I do but I am not a perfectionist, though I was. Through the years, I have experienced a lot of things that touch my patience but I am somehow did not explode. I went through all the obstacles like how I finished my run in 110 meters hurdles during the school time and I hardly given up my goals! O yeah, my ending part is always the sweet ones.

More about them, “Ox year people are alert. Although they are not given to talking much, they can inspire confidence in others. They are very dextrous and can do almost anything with their hands. They are stubborn and hate to fail in anything they have undertaken”. Haha! Do I inspire people? I don’t know but I can do almost everything with my hands. I may not be flexible but I love being an all-rounder. I have heard people saying, “If you try to do everything, you will end up getting nothing”. That is not the case for me yet, as I have been living doing so many things and I get almost everything I wanted. It could be luck on my side, or it could be just because I was born an Ox? I am very stubborn that I listen to no one. It is not ego but I blame on the ‘kepala batu’.

Oh! No wonder. So now, it explains some part of me from the Chinese view. What about other people who are born in the same year as me? Any comment Uchnana, Farissa or others? Look back at your memory and compare :D . Just to name that Tun Dr. Mahathir and Barack Obama are Oxen. As for me, I found it quite interesting to compare. At least, I will try to improve myself especially when I look at the Ox weaknesses. Be optimistic! Sometimes, we need to try to see things differently. There is not need to be superstitious. After all, the analysis is based from our environment, the planets or whatever it may be which are still the God’s creations. This year, I am delighted to have got my ang pau, after missing it last year. I am proud to be the citizen of this country that colored with various culture. Sharing is caring, Malaysia truly Asia.

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Year 2009

(nothing will stop me from achieving my goals)

Nothing big is planned for the next two years for the community like what I have done in year 2008. The remaining years before I completed my degree studies were designed for only myself. I would say 2009 and 2010 are years of being selfish. This time is meant to satisfy my needs, to enjoy my days as a student.

Last year, I have successfully proposed a project for the orphan but it did not work out as smooth as I wanted it to be. It could be due to my absence in the organization but at least, I have met my own target. It was a good start for things that I have planned and hopefully I can do better next time. A few months after that, I proposed a charity event to raise fund for the orphan through car drifting. It was rejected but I did not give up. I handed it to other people and it turned out to be a successful event. Certain party with collaboration of MyTV3 @ drift have emerged as the organizer and proudly implemented the ideas that my cousin and I had been sharing. I did not mean to tell but the point that I wanted to stress here is that ‘do not give up’. In my previous writing, I wrote about meeting a road end for this event but with a lot of prayers from the people, the impossible turned out to be possible by itself. It is God’s willing. Alhamdullilah.

This year, I expect a lot of backpacking; outdoors activities while a better concentration on studies. Other than that, the amount reserve for savings would be lesser compared to last year but still in accordance to meet the targeted sum. I have invested in bulk and now, I am just waiting for the money to grow. It will then be used for my EURO trip in 2010 after securing my degree. I am targeting to check out at least 6 countries in 2-3 months stay. The dream is to travel from Switzerland-Germany-Netherlands-Belgium-France-Italy and back to Switzerland if possible. That will be a massive journey if I could make it happen. Well, every wish starts from a dream and to have it achieve, some plans need to be implemented to work things out. A lot of efforts and passion are required, not just stop and stare.

(i will make sure my target n focus remain gud even in bad days)