Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Hapiness, it lies within

Final part

Rulz no 4: Look at things in a different way. Get the big picture of it.

I have been keeping a huge secret from most people especially my parents. I am tiredof holding it and it had eaten myself quietly for the past few months. It has also taken away my mermaid. All because I tried very hard to find differences between them. Comparing? Nah…juz identifying…I do not want to get stuck in bad omen twice. That’s why I was being very careful and went slightly overboard. Though, I did not regret. For things to happen, let it happen. For me to explode, let me explode. It is sickening to bear it alone.

I will not tell it directly but if you people have watched ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall-it’s out in d movie!’, then you can imagine it. Eh! Go watch lar…best gak ar citer tuh…It was almost exactly my story. Ok, just the flow of the story not everything (Sabi, now you understand why I looked so serious in some part of the show). In fact, just what Sarah did to her boyfriend. I enjoyed the movie. It was full with laughter but some parts, it reminds me of my past. It hurts me very much but a challenge for me to go through some difficult moments. It was an enormous move to give my trust to the wrong person. I knew she didn’t deserve it but I still allow it to happen. It was totally my fault.

Before we broke up, when things looked nasty to me, rihanna-unfaithful video clip was released. I like that video clip and still remain as one of my favourites. It is not that I like to be haunted by the past but I was save by that clip. She posted it on friendster and myspace as well as sang it a couple of times. It sparked my mind that it was happening. That was the reason of me not granting any of her wishes. Some of you know the wishes. Ridiculous right? I don’t mind breaking up as long as I stick to my belief. Finally, we broke up in peace. Years later, I found out about her true colours from her ex housemate. Ops! I didn’t ask but I was told. It was frustrating that she had been acting like an angel in front of me and was becoming someone else at the back. Of course, it was just some stories I heard but it suited to what had been in my mind all this while. I am intuitively right. I didn’t have it out of nowhere. Indeed, I asked from God to ‘beratkan hati to the left or to the right’. Good thing is, I made a good decision by pulling myself away from her. I don’t judge thing on just one occasion. So, expect me to know more than only to hear those that were circulating in the air.

All this years, it is not about covering her ass or protecting the dark side of her. I simply do not want people to think negatively about her. I mean, I do not want people to hate or look down at her just because of what she did towards me. Let it be known that I am the culprit. Let it be known that I was the bad ones. It is not sacrificing but my intention was to take that as a ‘pengajaran hidup’. It will remind me, some people can be as cruel as ‘Joker’ but never in life for me to repeat or do it to other people. It goes back to the basic. The objective of becoming a doctor is to help people. I will not throw the blessed skills for the demon (Thanks Dr. Wawa! For putting it as Dr. Azam in your link. I appreciate it and need such prayer to excel). I don’t hate people, yet but I may lose some respect to them. Like Ashburn@blackmail? Ya, I couldn’t look at him like how I used to see him. I have totally lost it. However, there is no revenge in me. I will still help him if he wants me to. That’s why, it is not the ying and yang. The power is in our hands (go celcom!). We can laid the ghosts to rest.

If I continue saying it, people will start thinking how far she went beyond expectation. Let us look from the other view. What if I said, I was happy having her? Along the relationship, we took turns in comforting each other. We spend time and money wisely and were never being calculative at any point. Oh Gosh! I don’t like to have my wallet empty. During the good days, she will make sure that do not happen. Since she had always been holding my wallet, she knows the content of it, in and out. She knows where I kept my emergency money. If it happens that my wallet has none of that, she will put some red or turquoise notes. Best thing, I only noticed about it once I am home. At times, bukannya xde duit, juz belum withdraw from the bank jer. Yes Zuka, it’s turquoise.

So? It is still in us? Isn’t it enough to show that the happiness lies within? It is just the matter of acceptance. We should be creative enough in making or turning the situation around. Finally, have some eyes on the orphan. What do they have? Some don’t even get to taste the wonderful love from the parents. They lost the most important thing in life but yet still surviving like everyone else. Some have no direction or goals in life. That’s why it is our job to warm them. I was lucky to have my parents living together. I get adequate loves from both of them. Of course, some things are inevitable but always try to come out with something positive. What I am having now is not guaranteed but at least, I appreciate it before everything is too late.

No Kim, I ain’t a philosophy man. I love my life and I won’t waste it. Da-e, I am not as complicated as you think rite? Always try to make things simple. Sometimes, we must forget about the procedures but do things relevantly to the situation. We were given the mind to think. So, let us use it wisely. I end it with the motto of my group. “Happiness is in your hands”. I do not know who triggers it but one thing for sure, it was great! We used the same motto throughout our YM project each year. That shows how much we stick to our principle and we do not change it overnight. Well done YM3! especially on our latest project. The orphans are definitely waiting for our returns there. Lets make it happen this coming Ramadhan. Insyaallah.

And for now, I will take the same step as Mila. I will have a break for a while before start writing again. It is nothing personal but mainly about my writing. I would like to write it in a different way. Perhaps, towards what can be done not what need to be done. I don’t know. We’ll see how. Thank you very much for reading this blog. I was surprised that some of my juniors are actually reading it. Take care you people!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Hapiness, it lies within

PART2: Angelus
*if u haven't read d 1st part, scroll down :P

Seriously, it is a no joke situation. Marriage, life span and many more will be affected. She was terrified. Well, that was what she told me. However, that didn’t last long. Two days later, she was just like every other day, the sweet lady with seductive talk and smile. She really has that. The killing way of speaking without any sense of hypocrisy, which could easily win over me. I envy the way she cope with the situation. She is strong, really strong. I would not want to imagine how will I react if that happens to me. I can’t even go through my day without my mom during the minor operation I had a few months back.

uchnana style
muka2 sengal

Girls? Some people may say that they are troublesome but I love them. Ya, at times they are complicated but they usually make me heppi..They make me feel belong. Of course not every girls but no matter how much they pretend, I am still ok with it. That is because I play safe. I play accordance to the rules. I do not give them any hope when it is about me (Oh! I’m not sure about this). They are just like my other guy friends. Two simple reasons of why I like them:
1) I am straight. So, nothing beats d nature set by God.
2) They are soft hearted and have natural touch to pamper the guys.

I am not easy but I have to admit that the soft ones makes my heart beating for her. That is why, my close friends are not ‘the soft’ ones. So, we will somehow ended being a good friend no matter what. Past, present and future are the same.

(when d family need sum coolers, my dad will take us for a movie++)

However, I can’t tolerate with egoistic girls. It is not that I do not find happiness in them but I wouldn’t want to. Remember? ‘When there is a will, there is a way’. I would prefer to avoid the possible unpleasant moments. These girls will keep on following their own way (indirectly a queen control lar) no matter what. They will say this, they will say that, everything is all about them even when I try to soothe some situation, it will end badly (ckp sori salah, x ckp pun salah). Excuse me, I listen to the love ones but not 24/7 because that will make me the recessive ones.
Besides, if I become the only one who swallows the bitter part, then, I am not in a healthy relationship. I would not want to get married and then get divorce just because the girl do not want to admit her fault. Now, that small problem becomes big. It is not about who’s wrong or right but the beauty of tolerating. The give and take policy is important in my life. To me, relationship is always about two persons. When you are super ego, then you are super selfish. It is actually the same to me. So? I am highly contraindicated to ego or selfish girl (I prayed I do not end up with one).

sweet like chocolate ;)

my boo

long lost buddy, found back in HPJ

aisey juls...i didnt haf our pics 2gether..next time, snap 1 ya?

Recently, I went to Symphony in Tropicana to find out more about the piano class. Gosh! I have been waiting for the day. Unfortunately, my fingers are all KAYU! I have to soften it first before start some ‘fingering job’ on the instrument. The instructor says that it is ok to attend but I will take some time. Then I ask “Will it helps if I start playing guitar?”. He replied “Oh yeah! That will be a good start. Go ahead.” I went home straight and called my bro to be my teacher. He was glad that I finally wanting to put effort to learn (b4 tis dah try but x pernah bersungguh2). I didn’t get a new guitar for myself to learn (save the money for something else). So, I use his, which is the electric ones by ESP LTD. OOOO! I love it! It looks really cool. This is what I mean. Even, when you do not get what you aimed for, do not cry for it. Instead, be happy with whatever things you can get, not think over and over again on things that you don’t have. Like the piano class? They can wait.

Oh! Gross…here I am..talking crap again (i wish i cud write like abel..a very fine writer) but im still heppi being me :P huhu..n ya, i need d missing puzzle...haih..