Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Hapiness, it lies within

Final part

Rulz no 4: Look at things in a different way. Get the big picture of it.

I have been keeping a huge secret from most people especially my parents. I am tiredof holding it and it had eaten myself quietly for the past few months. It has also taken away my mermaid. All because I tried very hard to find differences between them. Comparing? Nah…juz identifying…I do not want to get stuck in bad omen twice. That’s why I was being very careful and went slightly overboard. Though, I did not regret. For things to happen, let it happen. For me to explode, let me explode. It is sickening to bear it alone.

I will not tell it directly but if you people have watched ‘Forgetting Sarah Marshall-it’s out in d movie!’, then you can imagine it. Eh! Go watch lar…best gak ar citer tuh…It was almost exactly my story. Ok, just the flow of the story not everything (Sabi, now you understand why I looked so serious in some part of the show). In fact, just what Sarah did to her boyfriend. I enjoyed the movie. It was full with laughter but some parts, it reminds me of my past. It hurts me very much but a challenge for me to go through some difficult moments. It was an enormous move to give my trust to the wrong person. I knew she didn’t deserve it but I still allow it to happen. It was totally my fault.

Before we broke up, when things looked nasty to me, rihanna-unfaithful video clip was released. I like that video clip and still remain as one of my favourites. It is not that I like to be haunted by the past but I was save by that clip. She posted it on friendster and myspace as well as sang it a couple of times. It sparked my mind that it was happening. That was the reason of me not granting any of her wishes. Some of you know the wishes. Ridiculous right? I don’t mind breaking up as long as I stick to my belief. Finally, we broke up in peace. Years later, I found out about her true colours from her ex housemate. Ops! I didn’t ask but I was told. It was frustrating that she had been acting like an angel in front of me and was becoming someone else at the back. Of course, it was just some stories I heard but it suited to what had been in my mind all this while. I am intuitively right. I didn’t have it out of nowhere. Indeed, I asked from God to ‘beratkan hati to the left or to the right’. Good thing is, I made a good decision by pulling myself away from her. I don’t judge thing on just one occasion. So, expect me to know more than only to hear those that were circulating in the air.

All this years, it is not about covering her ass or protecting the dark side of her. I simply do not want people to think negatively about her. I mean, I do not want people to hate or look down at her just because of what she did towards me. Let it be known that I am the culprit. Let it be known that I was the bad ones. It is not sacrificing but my intention was to take that as a ‘pengajaran hidup’. It will remind me, some people can be as cruel as ‘Joker’ but never in life for me to repeat or do it to other people. It goes back to the basic. The objective of becoming a doctor is to help people. I will not throw the blessed skills for the demon (Thanks Dr. Wawa! For putting it as Dr. Azam in your link. I appreciate it and need such prayer to excel). I don’t hate people, yet but I may lose some respect to them. Like Ashburn@blackmail? Ya, I couldn’t look at him like how I used to see him. I have totally lost it. However, there is no revenge in me. I will still help him if he wants me to. That’s why, it is not the ying and yang. The power is in our hands (go celcom!). We can laid the ghosts to rest.

If I continue saying it, people will start thinking how far she went beyond expectation. Let us look from the other view. What if I said, I was happy having her? Along the relationship, we took turns in comforting each other. We spend time and money wisely and were never being calculative at any point. Oh Gosh! I don’t like to have my wallet empty. During the good days, she will make sure that do not happen. Since she had always been holding my wallet, she knows the content of it, in and out. She knows where I kept my emergency money. If it happens that my wallet has none of that, she will put some red or turquoise notes. Best thing, I only noticed about it once I am home. At times, bukannya xde duit, juz belum withdraw from the bank jer. Yes Zuka, it’s turquoise.

So? It is still in us? Isn’t it enough to show that the happiness lies within? It is just the matter of acceptance. We should be creative enough in making or turning the situation around. Finally, have some eyes on the orphan. What do they have? Some don’t even get to taste the wonderful love from the parents. They lost the most important thing in life but yet still surviving like everyone else. Some have no direction or goals in life. That’s why it is our job to warm them. I was lucky to have my parents living together. I get adequate loves from both of them. Of course, some things are inevitable but always try to come out with something positive. What I am having now is not guaranteed but at least, I appreciate it before everything is too late.

No Kim, I ain’t a philosophy man. I love my life and I won’t waste it. Da-e, I am not as complicated as you think rite? Always try to make things simple. Sometimes, we must forget about the procedures but do things relevantly to the situation. We were given the mind to think. So, let us use it wisely. I end it with the motto of my group. “Happiness is in your hands”. I do not know who triggers it but one thing for sure, it was great! We used the same motto throughout our YM project each year. That shows how much we stick to our principle and we do not change it overnight. Well done YM3! especially on our latest project. The orphans are definitely waiting for our returns there. Lets make it happen this coming Ramadhan. Insyaallah.

And for now, I will take the same step as Mila. I will have a break for a while before start writing again. It is nothing personal but mainly about my writing. I would like to write it in a different way. Perhaps, towards what can be done not what need to be done. I don’t know. We’ll see how. Thank you very much for reading this blog. I was surprised that some of my juniors are actually reading it. Take care you people!

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Hapiness, it lies within

PART2: Angelus
*if u haven't read d 1st part, scroll down :P

Seriously, it is a no joke situation. Marriage, life span and many more will be affected. She was terrified. Well, that was what she told me. However, that didn’t last long. Two days later, she was just like every other day, the sweet lady with seductive talk and smile. She really has that. The killing way of speaking without any sense of hypocrisy, which could easily win over me. I envy the way she cope with the situation. She is strong, really strong. I would not want to imagine how will I react if that happens to me. I can’t even go through my day without my mom during the minor operation I had a few months back.

uchnana style
muka2 sengal

Girls? Some people may say that they are troublesome but I love them. Ya, at times they are complicated but they usually make me heppi..They make me feel belong. Of course not every girls but no matter how much they pretend, I am still ok with it. That is because I play safe. I play accordance to the rules. I do not give them any hope when it is about me (Oh! I’m not sure about this). They are just like my other guy friends. Two simple reasons of why I like them:
1) I am straight. So, nothing beats d nature set by God.
2) They are soft hearted and have natural touch to pamper the guys.

I am not easy but I have to admit that the soft ones makes my heart beating for her. That is why, my close friends are not ‘the soft’ ones. So, we will somehow ended being a good friend no matter what. Past, present and future are the same.

(when d family need sum coolers, my dad will take us for a movie++)

However, I can’t tolerate with egoistic girls. It is not that I do not find happiness in them but I wouldn’t want to. Remember? ‘When there is a will, there is a way’. I would prefer to avoid the possible unpleasant moments. These girls will keep on following their own way (indirectly a queen control lar) no matter what. They will say this, they will say that, everything is all about them even when I try to soothe some situation, it will end badly (ckp sori salah, x ckp pun salah). Excuse me, I listen to the love ones but not 24/7 because that will make me the recessive ones.
Besides, if I become the only one who swallows the bitter part, then, I am not in a healthy relationship. I would not want to get married and then get divorce just because the girl do not want to admit her fault. Now, that small problem becomes big. It is not about who’s wrong or right but the beauty of tolerating. The give and take policy is important in my life. To me, relationship is always about two persons. When you are super ego, then you are super selfish. It is actually the same to me. So? I am highly contraindicated to ego or selfish girl (I prayed I do not end up with one).

sweet like chocolate ;)

my boo

long lost buddy, found back in HPJ

aisey juls...i didnt haf our pics 2gether..next time, snap 1 ya?

Recently, I went to Symphony in Tropicana to find out more about the piano class. Gosh! I have been waiting for the day. Unfortunately, my fingers are all KAYU! I have to soften it first before start some ‘fingering job’ on the instrument. The instructor says that it is ok to attend but I will take some time. Then I ask “Will it helps if I start playing guitar?”. He replied “Oh yeah! That will be a good start. Go ahead.” I went home straight and called my bro to be my teacher. He was glad that I finally wanting to put effort to learn (b4 tis dah try but x pernah bersungguh2). I didn’t get a new guitar for myself to learn (save the money for something else). So, I use his, which is the electric ones by ESP LTD. OOOO! I love it! It looks really cool. This is what I mean. Even, when you do not get what you aimed for, do not cry for it. Instead, be happy with whatever things you can get, not think over and over again on things that you don’t have. Like the piano class? They can wait.

Oh! Gross…here I am..talking crap again (i wish i cud write like abel..a very fine writer) but im still heppi being me :P huhu..n ya, i need d missing puzzle...haih..

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Hapiness, it lies within

(PART 1: Angel)

A friend of mine told me that her life is completely a cycle of ying and yang. Inevitably, every good thing will be followed by bad thing. Whoah! God must have gone crazy to give then to take back the happiness. I believed, she could just be immature. There is definitely nothing’s wrong with God. Probably, she sees thing only from her view without trying to think laterally. Or she could just failed to appreciate herself. I don’t know. It is wrong for me to judge anyone on earth without knowing her deeply.

TGIF foods from Cikton
smoothies that soothe d heart

happy kids

bday cakes fr YM3

Whatever it is, I am writing this in general. I wouldn’t want to compare my life with others. I am also not interested to compare anyone else’s with others. It is totally has got nothing to do with comparing but just some scenarios for me to keep on writing about happiness. Well, that is still a reflection to my blog theme “Live life to the fullest”. I would like to share this with everyone. It is just a thought to make us happy all the time. I may be wrong but at least it works on me.

Happiness, it lies within. If we can make the most of what we have got, we are happy. We do not need any external influences to be happy. The only person we need to compete with in life is ourselves. It means, appreciate everything in our life. It doesn’t matter if the situation is good or bad. Whatever happens, we can still be happy. I quote from a hadith Al-Muslim - The Phophet s.a.w. said “No one who has even an atom’s weight of pride in his heart will enter paradise”. A man asked him “ What if he likes his clothes and shoes to look good?”. The Prophet s.a.w. replied, “Allah is beautiful and loves beauty. Pride means denying the truth and looking down on other people”- So? Accept things sincerely and as it is, then you will appreciate things better than before.

(cadbury fr Kim)
Of course, eternal happiness is when you are close to God, meaning you always do good things more than required. A lot of solat sunat and other things in favour to God. When you have knowledge, you become more pious because you understand and appreciate God’s creation. One day, I would like to tell my children some religious story and teach them adequately about Islam. It is not that I want to delay it or whatsoever. It is just that when I devote, I would like to see myself sticking to the same principle. At the moment, I simply do not trust my ability to go through His tests. I am really afraid if I do it in the fast pace, I would forget some basic principles and drown. ‘Kesederhanaan itu adalah lebih baik’. So, I will do it in a moderate pace. Our Prophet was given the best quality of character but only become a Prophet at the age of 40. There were many reasons behind that story. (if it is wrong for me to say these, then I will remove it from my blog).

I list down some scenarios (nak list semua is infinity kot) where people claimed to be their downturn of glory. Ok. It is not the worst thing but some bad memories, which erased the smile from their face.
1. Divorce
2. Cancellation of marriage
3. Unfaithful partner
4. Failed to pass major exam
5. Studied for 10 year or more but still no degree in hand (changed courses)
6. Death of the loved ones
7. Bankruptcy
8. Poverty

(i had classes but bg pian xde..so, he brought lunch for me- tats wat i call a brother)

Rules no 2: Do not stop and stare. Move on and say to yourself that you need to do better! The success doesn’t come in a fortnight but once you have started working out your plans, you will be running again. m1v1 = m2v2 : so? Once you are happy (or at least bring yourself out from the misery and smile), then you will be happy. Again, it is you.

What about knowing that you are at risk of getting infected with Hepatitis B? That will sound miserable if you keep on thinking negatively especially when you still have more than 30 years to live (on paper). This is a true story of my dear friend who had accidentally putting herself at risk. No, it’s not right to say that. It was needle prick injury not putting. How would you react? How would her life be?

---to b continued

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Return of Arra-gorn

People used to tell me that I am such an arrogant person. Yeah, I admit that since I hardly speak to unknown people. My communication was critically ill but as I grow, it improved gradually. Studying medicine made me realise the importance of having good communication. It was boosted by CUCMS grading. I reflect myself and called for changes. I took every opportunity, which I believed would help making me a better person. Swensen’s brought many positive elements into my life. My perception too had been modified by this place. A lot of physical work and little pay are nothing compared to the experience I had had. I managed to pull myself down to earth by doing some low profile job. Of course, the main objective was to learn about business but it was also on grinding my own affective domain. It is all about courtesy.

“Bt be humble” says Miss Z to me last weekend. It triggered my mind to re-look on myself. I do not take this as a threat or in a negative way. I am young and still in the years of learning. I would not mind to be criticised as long as I believed it is for the better. It could just be a word and nothing intentionally but I took that, as I was not being humble enough. Meaning, there is room for improvement. All that comes at the right time. I am on holiday and it reminds me of my elective course. Without any hesitation, I called my ex-boss and accepted his offer to work for a week. It has never been about the money. I just want to be the doctor who his patients love him very much. I just want to make people happy in any way that I can come out with.

My first day was superbly being welcomed. ‘Zam! Nak makan apa?’ Wah! I was surprised that the kitchen people wanted to cook for me. I remembered those days when I became the only service staff who eats in the kitchen. It is different. Swensen’s has two different managements (Service & Kitchen). I always joined them and makan mcm org merempat dkt dapur tu. Besides unforgettable moments and experience, I get more foods there (Yum Yum! I love to eat!). The two big heads of Swensen’s came to me at different time to ask about medical stuffs. I am glad that both the affective and the cognitive domains are tested. Having the mind to learn, I managed to smile back at those customers who complained about the poor services we had. WoW! That is something new. I was not angry at all. I hope, I will maintain this positive attitude. My mom will be happy if she knows this. She didn’t like me following the footstep of my father in his young age. A fierce father but has become softer after that. Now, I am happy that I actually made effort for myself. It is reaching the end but I am glad to have made use the holiday wisely.


I am so much into Football, Audio-System, Car, Photography and Electronic gadgets. It has been a childhood hobbies and look certain to stay in the heart for long. The only one out from the list was plane or jet-like stuffs. I wanted to become a pilot of either commercial or fighter planes. I applied for the academy before I pursued my education in medicine but I heard nothing about it. I did not put any effort to find out about my application. Intuitively, I deeply believed that my area is not in the air borne. It said ‘medicine is for you’. I will be given the ‘Hand of God’ to help people. It doesn’t require a single cent from me to help people. I agreed and pushed for it and now I am already half the journey.

Nothing beats football (Oh! Really?). I love it. It makes me happy even when I am deeply hurt. I do not understand how it works but it really helps. I felt pressure in Surgery but it ‘depleted’ when we started to play Futsal, even when it was a mixed team. Of course, this time, it was about some individuals who created the negativity in my surrounding. I was stress and prayed to be out from this a.s.a.p. God loves me very much that He answered my prayer. (tp masih buat dosa lagi, Aduh!)

My collection of Audio-System is complete. I am happy with it and not asking for more until I buy a house. That will be different, as some money will go to set up the home theatre. I can sing, play music, watch movies or football with whoever lives there. MP3 or CD player was not in the list since I chose not to hear my mom’s lecture. She will say things over and over again because she doesn’t like those stuffs on my ears. She didn’t want her son to be labelled 'sound trouble' later on.

Car will be something in the future to grab on. I am not really into modifying cars but I prefer to have all sort of cars in the house. Sporty, Sedan, Four wheeled, MPV and small car (MyVi sudah, don’t need a mini minor). It is nice to sit in the sports car and go kai-kai with the special ones. Sedan will be used to drive to work. Four-wheeled is for ‘balik kampung time’ or for the wife to fetch the children from school. Gosh! I love to see that! It also makes her a hot gorgeous wife! MPV is when the family gets bigger. Small car is for you to go shopping. It is easy to fit in the small space when the car park is full. Wah! So many? Can I afford these?

Photography? Once I get my own salary, I will buy the SLR camera for myself. I blamed the damn bloody robber! A few years ago, I was so close of having the SLR camera if it was not because of him/them! Now, it has turn digitalised and even more expensive that I can’t spend for it. Monthly allowance would be cut down if my parents see me buying those stuffs. Once i have it, I will not stopped taking picture of my sweetheart!

Electronic gadgets? It is heaven to have the ‘canggih-canggih’ stuffs. Since the new technology comes every three months, this is my least priority of collection. Handphone is the only thing out from the list. I am somehow not into phones. After all this, I doubt myself about being a millionaire :P How could I when I love to spend? In the future, it will even be worse. Now, I am feeling the heat for the increased petrol. In years to come, many will be felt. Anyway, I will not stop trying. It is satisfying to work and earn then to spend on something you love.

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Losing d battle?

It was a bad week. After three days of meetings, I made a decision to pull out from the proposed event. This is the first time ever I quit the game without fighting for it. It was frustrating that I am no longer as strong as who I used to be. Many things seem to be different. Was it myself, my approach or others’ fault? I will not sit back just to think about it. I am tired of making everyone happy or even trying to do it. It is all about moving with the flow now. No matter what things I am up to, I will not go against the current. I could be thinking, one person will not do any different to the population. Oh shit! How difference can it be if I opt to stick moving in the opposite way? I am only complicating my life and drag it into the negative situations.

Sadly, I had to choose to cancel the drift show. Ops! It was planned to be a carnival instead. Paintball, Minibike and futsal were included for the orphan. Unfortuntely, the flow was not as smooth as we thought. The involvement of MyTV3 doesn’t help to attract some parties. The sponsorship pending and I have no confidence in them to get it on time. It looks like a ‘Misery business’ and I had to pull out for the sake of my group. It was not my call alone. We discussed about it.

I offered myself to them. I called for the new organisation. I tried to look around but failed again to get committed people. Perhaps, God says, it brings more harm than good values to the children. I do not know. I hope, whatever happens is good for every one. I am deeply sorry for giving up on this. This time, i have to accept that i have lost the battle. Ya, sometimes, things do not go our way.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

low caste or high caste?

I have heard people mentioning, this job is for kool people and that job is for kool-lie. Why should there be discrimination? Do the profession teaches us to choose whom to respect? It sounds like we are still in the Stone Age. Let’s talk about the female cabin crew or in layman term stewardesses. How insulting the job can be? I have heard people saying, they are just a cleaner who works onboard. Oh really? How much do you people know about what it takes to be a stewardess? And why compare it to the cleaner? Is cleaning something bad? Hmm.. Anyway, do the cleaner sit for an interview? Do the cleaner sit for exams? Do the cleaner being certified? Do the cleaner learn how to deliver babies during emergency? Can them reply with a smile when being scolded? Can them comfort the passengers during emergency? Do they attend a 4month course valued at RM20k? Do these show the similarities? Should I say, compare it to the medical personnel? What about the nurses? They clean the patient, from his body to his feces and bed. They entertain the patient even when he is categorized as a psycho. They clean the dirt make by doctors. So? Nurses are also a cleaner then. Weird though, I cannot agree that being a stewardess is a piece of shit. How could I?

It is not about winning or debating but something to think about. What if our daughter is a stewardess? Less likely, just because being a doctor we are good in raising our children? Oh! How sure are we to be there 24/7? Tell me, baik sangat ke anak-anak polis? If someone who is very discipline in practising the law can’t even make their children be like themselves, how could we realise that? Train and educate them? Ops! I forgot! I don’t even listen to my parents. How do I make them listen to me? Look at the mirror before insulting people because we would end up insulting ourselves. ‘Mcm org bodoh yg ludah ke langit, kena muka sendiri’. What if our spouse or we die before we could raise her? She would eventually on her own without her parents love. That makes the different. The orphan wouldn’t have as much love as those raised by parents. Then, she chooses to be a stewardess. Wouldn’t we be ashamed to know that from above (heaven/hell)?

We are just human. We don’t even know how our future will be. So, do not say things as we wish just because we think we are ‘perfect’ or good. Allah can twist everything. One day, we might be getting those things if insulting is apart of us. That is even more pathetic. Let’s not forget, we are not doctors, yet. Anything can happen. Doctors are not necessarily good people. Some do smoke, arrogant, promiscuous and many more. We could also be the cause of our patient’s death. ‘Doktor yg jahil ialah doktor yg lalai terhadap pesakitnya’ – Prof ARAR likes to say it. Haven’t we being reminded to do something sincerely, with our heart? Come on. If we respect people then they will also respect us. Every profession has it owns value. Don’t judge a person from her profession. I had a stewardess girlfriend for years but I do not remember having sex with her! Does that explain? Don’t jump into a conclusion without using your brain. Sometimes, it is just ‘sebabkan nila, susu sebelanga rosak’.

I still remember, I used to go in and out of my matriculation campus like no body business. Why? Simply because someone had told the security not to stop me from going out. That person is only a cleaner. Surprised huh? From power-less to power-full. She used to call me to drop at her place, mostly during weekends. She cooked for me. She treated me like her own son. Don’t say she likes me and wants me to marry her daughter because her daughter is already married with one son! Inarguably, there was no hidden intention. She earns very little but willing to spend some just for me even when I am not related to her. That really touched the bottom of my heart. My pocket money almost equalled to her monthly salary, or could have been more.

(dun under estimate hantu gak)

Always try to put yourself into their shoes. I believed, xde siapa yang suka dihina. If you are the stewardess or cleaner, you would say it is unfair. Just because you provide services, it does not mean you give yourself to them. I am not defending anyone. Just a thought for those who read my blog to avoid undervalue anyone. Do APPRECIATE people around us. I was someone who judged people easily. If you just realise what I just realised, then stop the nonsense. One of the reasons why I dyed my hair and worked in a cafe as the elective course was to change my perspective. Whenever people looked down at me because of my hair or the cleaner job, I am very happy. It really teaches me to be humble. My colleague called me the doctor who make ice cream, sweeps the floor and clean the kitchen. It makes me think, there is no big deal being a doctor. I should not discriminate people instead help them as far as I could. The people in the café, they have various background but all show a lot of respect. They appreciate all the customers. Why? Because the people give them every opportunity to keep their job. No customer no job.

No matter what her profession is, a cleaner or a stewardess, will not suggest bad people. They deserve some respect like every other creature. Most of us will get married one day and have children. Let see, who will they be in the future. Stop criticising people. We are only making out a fool of ourselves. We may be laughing now but do not forget, it can be the other way round in the future. Start appreciating people around us regardless of their profession. Do not rule out the possibility of an unemployed person to help us even when it involves money. We may not realise the importance of a person now but one day, our enemy can be the saviour for tomorrow. Think about it.

(1st perception: promoting justea, reality:future doctor with a biochem degree)

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Drift in charity event???

It is getting more popular now. Some may say it is ridiculous but I strongly believe, there are more positive values to bring on drifters to the charity event. I managed to call up some drifters to be apart of ‘my team’. Comes July 2008, YM3 will be organising a day with the orphan. We will have ‘makan2’, ‘borak2’ and outdoor activities. To make it more interesting, the kids will have an opportunity to watch some drift show, to get into the car and many more. The drifters will be giving some talk to stress on the importance of religion, education and the needs to follow the rule. They will also be donating blood. The orphan will be exposed to medical and automotive industries. In my personal view, the kids can be either obedient or aggressive. Therefore, it is good to involve people from 2 contra life (doctor & drifter/racer) who stick to the same objectives. At least, they will listen to the ‘drifters’ if they are not interested to listen to the ‘future doctors’. Besides, it may guide them to the proper way in ‘misusing the roads’. We are trying to come out with something to make the kids to be an open-minded person. It is just another effort to ‘save’ the orphan from drowning without guidance. Ya, it is only a one-day event, but a meaningful ones. Insyaallah. Pray a successful event for us. (Young Mercy 3, Batch 2005/06)
Check out for the detail of the event in late June or early July.
Any suggestion? Pls mail it to us. We’re working hard on it. Tq

Friday, May 23, 2008


As the newly appointed financial advisor to the family, I am delightful to say that I have moved a step further in life. I am throwing myself into a more adventurous and joyful era. After being exposed on finance for many months, my parents have finally opened every detail of their past 1 year transactions and their future investment plans. Yeah, we are not rich but we always come out with something to assure that money shortage will never been an issue. Of course, I have no rights on their $$$ but I am quite influential on decision making. Perhaps, that is the quality in every 1st child. It is not that they listen to me but we agree on the same relevant information. Great minds think alike. I am managing more things now and enjoy the current role especially when money matters. I like it when the investment shows positive sign. I do not see but I do sense every opportunity that comes. It reminds me of my late grandfather of mother’s side. He made million quietly. I am being so arrogant about myself. Why shouldn’t I? I have proved it many times, at least to myself. I have made a bunch of it with little money. Sounds illogical? Well, everyone has the right to speak but those closely related people know best about me. It is time to be extrovert rather than introvert. Shut the reasons because what lies ahead is more important. No doubt there are many things that I do not know. I am learning and will not stop moving forward. It goes back to the basic. If others can do, why can’t I?

Investment involves everything. It is not just about luck or being intuitive but it is also require analytical and critical thinking. When you analyse means you use your eyes and your mind more than your mouth. It is positive. Speak only when needed. I still remember Prof Nasa’s words, ‘to be a good doctor, you need to be a good observant’. I am not forcing myself to change but just opt to remind myself not to go overboard at times. Ya, I had enough with some people. When I told them it was wrong to do and bla bla bla, they ended putting the blame on me. What else can I say when I was punished for giving my view to improve certain situations? I realised that some superior just do not need to be advised. He wants us to keep quiet and allow the damage to be done. It teaches me, that if it ever happens again, all I need to do is to prepare myself to minimise the consequences. That will help to avoid a miserable life as a result of others’ fault. I am far from being great but optimist. My dad like to say ‘never ever think you are good because in reality there are many more who is better than you’. Besides, it will make you floating and forgetting about your basis. It makes you become evil. It diverts your goals in life. Power, felt at any level is the great corrupter of the soul. I am aware of all these. I am short of someone who can keep me on the great track closely but I still have my mom to teach me.

Investment is secondary to my profession but the mind is happy when you have more money. It is like almost everything in this world. Just name it. You will get almost everything. If not, you can use visa or mastercard. Hehe. I am on long term planning which will put me in a comfortable situation once I graduated. Insyaallah. I do not want to be like some people who will only start to think about making money later, which to me are considered losing sum amount between the years. The earlier I become rich, the earlier I can start giving to the poor and at least, the higher chances to share it with my parents. Better still, I can travel to many countries to enjoy their food and culture. Then I can dream to own a supercar. Ferrari F430, Aston Martin DB9 or Audi R8. However, that is not a necessary. I would prefer to have more money than materials. It annoys me if I go to a place with an empty wallet. It restricts my move! I am not on one or two but three plans. What will happen if things are going to the wrong end? I do not know but in everything I do, I have the contingency plan and sufficient amount to compensate the loss. I pray and work very hard to get the blessing in every of my move. It will reach to a level, which money is the least priority thing in life but at this moment, it stays topping the list. I take it as a stepping-stone towards achieving more important things. Do pray for my success. Thank you.

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Great ones,im honoured

The first weekend in surgery posting, I am pleased with how the weekend turned out to be. YM 3 with some of YM 4 group members chilled out on Friday night in Malacca town. We had dinner as well as supper around the shopping mall with movie marathon. Should I say illegal movie marathon? Hmm.. It was a midnight show for ‘Iron Man’ before we sneaked in the next room to view some part of ‘Speed Racer’. It was unintentional but as soon as we entered the room, it became intentional. I sleep like mad that night, completely awake at 12noon sharp. There was a ‘walkathon’ in Terendak camp in the morning but since I was permitted to skip it, I sweetly relaxed my body and mind on the bed. Then, I spent the rest of the time watching movies on tv. I wondered, why are all the movies about ‘anak derhaka’? Then only I realised, Sunday is a ‘Mother’s day’. I quickly took my phone and wished the love ones. I woke up early the next morning to attend ‘Hari Ulangtahun ke-41 Kor Kesihatan’. We were the honorary guests and were treated like big names even though there was no lecturers turn up. The climax of the show was when they used M-16 and fire to the sky. Each of us was surprised that the guns were actually loaded. Then, we had a photography session with Dr. Azmi, Dr. Azlan, The President and Major Faiz, the astronaut. I am also happy that we have finally agreed to cook dinner. Now, I am less concern about how much MSG in my body since we will start eating homemade dishes. It will also help to reduce my stress level since I enjoy cooking. Most of the utensils were taken from Abang Pian’s relatives nearby. We had ‘Sambal Udang Petai’ and omelette for the first dinner. Good start, keep it up gang!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Clueless or clue-less?

On the verge of a decisive moment, before I took the wrong move, I was hammered by sceptical thought. What is there to rush on? Why should I think negatively about ambiguous situations? Wouldn’t it be great to have some if not the big picture of the situation? I am glad to have called the ‘little sis’! The conversation was meaningful, as it had opened the partially blinded eye. I should have reserved some room for myself. True enough, we need to care for our own heart deeply because no one care that much. Haha! I guess things will get nasty if it continues to be this way. I was highly motivated by ‘little sis’ and will not raise the white flag up until there is no more to offer. It is simple and very straightforward. The mind needs to be neutral before anything. Next is to be amble in applying the plans. I will do it thoroughly and carefully without any avoidable mistakes. At the moment, all I need is luck!

Friday, May 2, 2008

will be back on Sunday...haih..

its just a few days away before i return to the dark BLUE hometown..its difficult to say, but i think, i would be again, a mixed feeling...but its not about the runaway friends...its about the difficult friends...i dont know how wud i b confronting them..haih...its so pening! aduh! mcm mana nak layan mangkuk2 nih semua??? they r sooo out of their mind!! how can u smsing and talking using d lovvy duvvy words to a person of d same gender! goooosh! if gegirl xpelar..ini boboy...asked me to keep tis as secret lar, itu lar, ini lar...oh my God! wat is happening??? its not oni d soldier but oso d hospital staffs! okay...fine...its 1 staff actually...tat i know...

hes so yukky! he is already 40+ but yet, stil into this shit??? tolonglah...how do i manage this type of ppl??? kang kalau report, ill b in trouble...he cud b using all his network to find fault at me...then there goes my posting...dahlar kena mark time public health hari tu sbb commenting on lecturers attitude..now, nak kena ngan hospital plak??? waaaahhh!!! tak bley tak bley...aduh...

these ppl r pathetic..confuse or conflict?? God has created women for men. It is a wonderful gift from heaven that needs no one to criticise it. Why would there b any confusion in gender determination? Isn't biological relevant enough to show which group you belong? How can we help these people? Or what is actually our responsibility as a human? Nowadays, it is nearly impossible not to find one 'half-half' in an area. Suprisingly, Malacca or specifically around the hostel's area is highly contaminated with these confused people. LAst year, there was even a beauty pageant for the transexual people recognition. Yucks! Has the world coming closer to its end? Aduh! yg lagi pening..how am i gonna face all this when the class start??? Tell me...