Please...

I do not know why I allow it to happen again. I do not understand why it keeps on coming to me. All I know is that I always become the victim of situations. People seek for me when they are half-drowned or when they have reached nowhere but a dead end in the highway. They say ‘you are great’. They say ‘you are a true friend’. They say ‘I should have not overlooked your kindnesses’. They say ‘I cannot go through it if it is not because of you’. They say tones of appreciation words to me when I gave them the hand they needed much but do they really mean what they say?

Someone has described me as a tough guy. How much tough? He sees me as tough as the titanium bar but I do not agree. Perhaps, it is just like a crab shell. Hard enough to protect myself from any climate changes and many enemies under the sea but it is by fact, still crack-able. Crab, a symbol to my zodiac means that I was not born tough. The toughness develops as I grow older and remember, it is the people like you that make it even tougher. Time after time people like you hurt me from the inside, slowly and that leaves me no option but to develop a tougher shell to go through these days. Have you not realized that there is limit in everything?

That is why I have no problem to axe anyone out from my life. It is not because I enjoy doing it but it is because of what you do to me. Compulsive, persistent and intolerable pressure on my shell. I will try to swallow the bitter part even when you do not notice it but I promise you, it will not be long. I have to take care of this wounded heart. I need some time off so that it will heal properly if it cannot be completely. Even this to happen, you have to help me. Please let me swim in the sea. I am done with walking. You know that it is nearly impossible for a crab to walk straight. That is why I am asking you to stop holding my back. I do not hesitate to leave but it is not my job to punish people. I will not let you go through what I am going through because I know, you will not make it. Positively, it is not underestimating you but just to prevent you from suffering any bad moments. Am I not being good enough? Please, save me. Do as I wish. Then only I start to believe in justice. After all, you do not really being sensitive about me.

sticking to C-AS

My car, C-AS is a symbol of kindness. Tones of memory bear in him. He was bought before the millennium era began. He had traveled throughout the Peninsular, from Perlis to Johor. He rarely gives problem to the drivers. Though, he was not the first car I drove.

I started to drive when I was a 12 year-old kid. I may have broken the law but after analyzing it, it had benefited me in most aspect. My grandfather who was also my instructor said that I was taught to drive early because it would be useful in emergency. Other use was to drive him around especially to the market. Believe it or not, we parked our car in the police barrack which is just opposite to the market. I called that as ‘lesen Agong’. However, only years later I was allowed to drive more than 5km radius.

C-AS had penetrated Police road block thrice. There was not a single encounter that the police stop me. I did not think I look that old to escape but believed it was merely luck. Quite tachycardic moment but God had spared me from any juvenile record. The longest distance covered without even a ‘P’ licence was from PJ to Bangi. Most of the beyond radius travelling were formally informed.

New technology has emerged drastically. Of course, there will be much different if compared with the current models of Proton cars. The design, the handling, the engine and the accessories are all improved. I like driving my brother’s Waja. If 10 years ago, RM40k is what you need to get a smaller version of lorry in Iswara; noisy engine, now a lower amount can gives you a real car, the new Saga. If add extra RM3-5k, you may already own a complete car in Persona.


-powered by MICHELIN-

Who does not want a new car? I am sure majority will agree if given a new car. I personally hard to resist but my thoughts on the future blocked that from happening. Besides, why would you want to add burden on your parents shoulder? I refused the offer because I would rather keep the money for something else. Car is also an investment but it does not help me for the time being. One of my friends had talked about identity. Yes, he is partly right but for right things to happen it must come at the right time. C-AS is an economical car and is very student friendly. He always reserves my wallet from being invaluable. That is why I would want keep him at least till I start working. It is not wrong to drive him even when I have become a doctor. My uncle, an engineer drove mini clubman (the one drives by Mr Bean) to his workplace.

I do not know but I have a different view on personal issues. Always avoid pulling others into personal matters. I do not mean psychological needs but materials factor. I have heard a story about my batch mate. He insisted to get a car from his parents. Sadly, his parents are struggling to feed the family but yet, he requested a Neo! Who are you to ask for a portion of parent’s EPF money? Gosh, it is EPF and it is for the employee to use after they retire from their job. Can you please change and start living by your means? I am pretty sure this guy would not bother his family after he graduated. Okay, it may sound as though I am judging him but do not you think, if he can be very selfish now that he can still be selfish later? Ya, people do change but usually they do it after a miserable event and by then it is too late. Have not you heard ‘Tuhan tidak akan mengubah nasib sesuatu kaum selagi kaum tersebut tidak mengubah nasibnya sendiri?’ Do you think this guy will change that early? Do not you want to enjoy and have total control on your salary especially the first few months? Anyway, this story can be just a rumour from Gossip-Boys. Let it be.


-quality sound from sony-

C-AS was born in Pahang. My parents had bought him from mom’s cousin, a car salesperson. They could have bought him from the showroom nearby but since there was a relative in this business, why not help to boost the relative’s sales? Good intention but it is not always resulting in good outcomes. The so called cousin had fooled my parents. Not only that he had made them waiting but also had made them traveled all the way to Pahang to claim the car.

It is quite disappointing but this is one of the Malay attitudes. Many of them get angry when Tun Mahathir had burst a remark on them- Melayu mudah lupa. I have seen a lot of Malay businessmen who are not customer-reliable. They are not like the Chinese who take care of their customers well. Worse still, where is your WATERFACE? How could you do this to your own relative? It is disheartening. As usual, my mom responded it with a smile while my dad mumbled continuously. There was no grudge but this was another lesson to learn. The relationship is still on but her cousin is now a bankruptcy. Perhaps, many people had cursed him and he should have realized his mistakes by now.

My say on Malaysia economy

‘W’ shape or ‘U’ shape recovery?
W if the Europe or US economy taste another slump
U if the world’s economy continue to recover even at slow pace

Recovery by end 2009?
Very likely because only real sector contracted, financial sector remains intact (high liquidity, domestic savings far exceeding domestic investment)

Which is better? 9% growth in China or 3% growth in US?
Both benefits the country but 3% growth in the US would mean a lot more than 9% growth in China

OPR to stay at 2% till year end?
Very likely.
If reduce further economy may recover faster but plateau at certain point in the future.
If increase before 1st quarter 2010 may affect economy in the negative way but positive after that.

Stimulus package RM67 billion?
Sufficient size to cushion the economy crisis.
Effective if being monitor closely- speed of implementation is as structured + high-multiplier effect (increase public expenditure)
Not effective if implement slowly and low-multiplier effect

More signs to get rough idea on our economy: home financing rate, crude oil prices and not to miss! IPO in KLSE..latest coming IPO is on maxis.

Bliss RaYa!

As every Muslim in the world welcome its very special day, I cannot afford to miss out from celebrating the day that comes only once a year. Before I proceed, I would like to wish all Muslims; Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri and Maaf Zahir & Batin.

Well, the first day is the most exciting. Of course, not everyone will have such opportunity but one of my philosophies is ‘grab while you can’. It is okay to be an opportunist in certain occasion because that gives you the chance to benefit things that come. I do not know when my chance will be taken away but for now, I am thankful that I am still able to seek apologies from both my parents. When I was a small kid, I did it for the money (ampau) but I have grown and understand that it is actually means more than that.


I was brought up with proper guidance and taught to forgive others, no matter how bad one treated me, I must forgives him the least on Raya morning. Being a human, I do not run from doing mistakes but the check list on my hand mitigates my fouls. I may be unconvincing at certain point but I will not stop saying ‘sorry’. Sometimes, you may feel that my apology is insincere but deep inside you know that it is better than nothing. After all, no one can satisfy everyone at all time.

This year’s raya is a little different and unique in its own way. Having known that there is only a year left to complete my undergraduate course, my happiness is doubled with the eligibility to receive ampau from relatives and non-relatives. It looked awkward as this 24 year-old guy with his visible beard is still being treated like other adolescents but I could not deny, it is a sweet moment. I know my days are limited. Soon, the kids around will start asking from me.

In the morning of the 2nd day, my grandfather fell in the bathroom. His elbow bleeds and I did simple dressing. An hour later, I re-assessed his wound and decided that he needs proper treatment. It was a minor cut but tissue regenerative for an 87 year-old man will not be good. I send him to the nearest doctor for 2 or 3 stitches. The doctor commented that I had been a good grandson as well as promising doctor.

However, I know myself more than others. My patience is not as great as my mother. My determination is not as great as my father. My sympathy is not as great as any nurse. My empathy is not as great as my lecturers. My care is not as great as Tun Mahathir. There is no need to compare with The Prophets as my level is far below them.

I saluted both my parents but credit goes to my dad this year because he has been much better for the past few years while mom is still consistent being a wonderful lady. If you remember Petronas raya commercial break, the ones that isolate their father and let him eats with the cat and their children said ‘nanti bila papa mama dah tua duduk kat sini’- referring to a place outside of the house then you will know what I mean. My dad comes forward to stop this from happening to his father.

go here- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2fHa6FBO1OY

Ops! Ya, it did happen to my great grandfather. The hut that my dad built behind of his father’s house was misused. His father had used it as a room for his grandfather to live in. It was evil but I could not comment much. Both my parents said, they do not understand why he did it but even if he was cruel to anyone, he is still their father. The only thing can be done is to prevent that from happening again in our time and that is what he is doing. He shall not repeat his father’s mistake. He takes care of his father from A-Z (medical, shower, meal and etc). I personally do not have the determination to come every 1 or 2 days to shower him or to entertain his needs. I understand that geriatric patients need more attention than pediatric patients that is why I always prefer pediatric.

Elsewhere, this special day is just like every other year. Visiting the close ones is compulsory. It is dual meaning in fact. Close in terms of relationship as well as distance from home. Whichever does not matter as long as we do not stay at home. It is best to move around while we have the chance to do it.



I was brought up as a town boy but was given the opportunity to taste the sweetness of having a kampong. My mom’s kampong is like a haunted mansion. She was born there but spent most of her childhood time in PJ after moved in to Singapore. Her kampong is where I experienced to ‘mandi sungai, jungle trekking, exotic foods and hantu exploration’ but that is those days. We rarely go there since my grandmother lost her lovely hubby. Each year, everyone unites in her PJ house. It is a different story for my dad. He has a kampong but only in the name. He was brought up in ‘Kampung Tunku’, a small area in PJ. I had some memory there too. I was the pet grandson of my dad’s mother and she had taught me many things in life. I could still remember the day she dressed me up to school, the day I fell from the roof when she was preparing our lunch, the day I helped her to cook some kuih for tea-time meal and many more. Fortunate or unfortunate, both my grannies place is just about 10 minutes away from my place. That for sure, gives us no problem in planning our raya.

A little suprise...

Gosh! Amazingly my stappy is stil alive! It is one of d few utensils tat r as old as cucms existence. She had been sharing my ups and downs for 3 years before I temporarily lost her. Damn! It wasn’t my fault. Orang lain yang hilangkan! Tats why I hate irresponsible people! Dah tau guna tak tau nak letak balik! Okay, I may b exaggerating but truly, tat was how I feel. But lucky enough, Zuka had searched it for me and keep it safely.

It is nothing big anyway. Just a stapler but it bears past memory. I bought it with my ex. Nah, that does not mean much anymore. I am not haunted by the past and will never be. I am delighted perhaps because I like to keep my things for a long time. Selagi boleh pakai no problem lah. Like my handphone. It was so ugly that I had to use a rubber band to tie the broken phone until my mom bought a new one for me.

Some miscommunication occured between me and Zuka. I thought, I would have lost miss stappy forever. The last time I saw Zuka was during the dodgeball competition which, she had ‘run away’ from me. Her face reflects as if ” no, I do not want to talk to you”. I do not know. High possibility because she went missing when I tried to look for her. We are not close friend but I did share my personal issue with her, once. So, due to that, I took it as ‘azam, move out from my life!’ and I really did until last Friday when she said-hello. Whatever it is, I have got miss stappy with me and thank you Zuka, u made me smile for a while.

my engine has juz started

I may be stupid but I can always get better. Fail once, fail twice does not end everything in fact it is the starting of something. Every problem has its root of causes and I know what was it. I do not blame anything or anyone as what had happened was expected. I know that was the consequences that I had to bear. I know it was a right decision and here I am looking up to the next step to progress. So, do not underestimate me. The game has just begun. With that, I am declaring myself to finish off the game ultimately with pride. The best from me is yet to come.

Why is it ok?

I may have lost the pivotal person in the not so new group. I may have lost a brother, a friend and the best person in CUCMS who I can work with. It has also made me lost the support that I have been enjoying for the past 3 years but God is always fair enough. I still have my number two in the current group, who has been holding my hand from drowning. She may not realize how crucial am I to have her around but that is the truth that I would like to tell out. It is not that she had done something for me but her softness and diplomatic way of communicating that always soothe me. She neither say flowery words nor motivational words to comfort the sadden heart if happens to be but always offer a solution to it whenever needed. These two, Abang Pian and Kak Pah, the best that I could ever asked for in CUCMS.

Of course, he is incomparable and nobody will ever beat him in this institution but to have her and a few others on the second list is good enough to assure that the happiness is not lost. It may be weird to hear that I can live with just to have him as a friend in this place but that is the fact (I am extremely very straight ok). So, it took me a little bit off the time to adapt to new friends. I always need extra time before saying anything about a person and I will always be. Well, I do not judge a person without accumulating all the information that I have.



I believed that July is timely enough to say what had been in the heart. Sorry to mention new but that is the most suitable words, as we had never been in the same house or group. For now, I have a damn good jalan-jalan cari makan buddy, Dr. Chicken Am. I have a good informer and workaholic Dr. Boss. I also have the walking encyclopedia Dr. Mi for education purposes, Dr. James for business and economy forecasting, the triplet jokers Dr. Fin, Dr. Mumps and Dr. Nadia. There is also Dr. Nad who is nice to be bullied. Not to forget, Dr. Zu and Dr. OD whenever my mind turns blue or when the two horns on my head grow. My days in class are wonderful because of these people. What i like most about my current group is that, they offer options whenever they argue for something. They are not only making the leader's life easy but also everyone in the group.

I do not say it because of the birthday party but simply because I wanted to. I do not say it to hurt some people but simply to express my gratitude to those mentioned. I do not say it to say that others are not good but simply to show that these people are wonderful to have in any team. I do not say it to apple polishing them but simply because they deserved the credit. I take a bow on these people for allowing me being myself and for the continuous supply of happiness in everyday life as a medical student. Thank you very much.